Home again....

We had the most amazing weekend!!!!! From the quaint lil hotel we stayed at - to the private party on Saturday evening...... to the museums and sight seeing we did on Sunday.... and now we are home and pooped !!!

So much to write about and so little time........ i think i will break this weekend report into more manageable segments and start with the vanilla stuff..... specifically the hotel......

i have an absolute passion for history and all things historical. So imagine my total delight when i discovered that the hotel Sir had booked (on line) had been a private home and had been built in the 1800's !!!

The nicest thing was that Travelodge did everything in it's power to retain the history of the house while they modernized and turned it into individual hotel rooms !!

Here are some pictures of the interior..........

The lobby




The stairway up .. up and up to our room




a view down to the lobby

Our room was on the 3rd floor - and i couldn't find any other way to describe it except "cute".. it was so tiny ..so tiny it didn't have a cupboard to hang clothes in (thank god my corset didn't need hanging) and only one hook on the bathroom door (which is where Sir's shirt for the evening's party was hung) Sir said it probably used to be a servant's room - which is probably right - who else would live in such a tiny room on the 3rd floor up??!!! Just around the corner from our room was a smaller staircase that probably in its day lead to the kitchen...... how i wish i could have explored all the nooks and crannies - but "staff only" signs were hung on doorways - stopping my exploring nature.



i loved the lil dormer window...... and this morning laid in bed listening to the pigeons cooing to each other - and to us - cooing the world awake to another day ......

Tomorrow i will take you on a walking tour of the city..... and all the little quirks we found - on telephone poles and sides of buildings!!!

Bags are packed...

Sir and i are off....... ok ok... not THAT kind of "off".. We are off to our Nation's Capital tomorrow morning for a private play party Saturday night....... and i am so excited........

It isn't just the play party and seeing old friends we never seem to see over the winter months (especially THIS winter) because of the road conditions....... and it isn't because of all the whips and chains and floggers oh my !!! that are in my very near future.......... but it is more the getting away......... the packing the cases in the car......... the fidgeting (oh yes i fidget - even though it is only a 2 hour drive away - i HATE driving long distances and 2 hours is pushing my endurance!!) but it is the getting away...... locking the door......... and going to sleep in a hotel!! ever since i was a very little girl i loved sleeping in hotels..... exploring the new surroundings.. the adventure of it all!!!

Oh talking about endurance and car drives....... and yeah yeah i am digressing.. but i remember one trip to our Nation's Capital with another Dominant in the front seat.. and me stuffed into the back seat....... and we hadn't even left our own province when i started fidgeting and asking Sir - like a kid - "are we there yet??!!" that Sir made me masturbate in the car......... now that had to be the first time He insisted on that... i thought He was kidding !!!! masturbate in the back seat..... with cars AND trucks whizzing by us......... He had to be kidding right??!! WRONG! and so i masturbated.. and trust me when i say it took a few false starts before i actually got into it........ i didn't have any toys in the back seat with me.. and i am not much good at masturbating without a toy or two......... but i did manage to get into it..... and every once in a while Sir would glance in the rear view mirror and watch me...... and boy oh boy did that make me hot!! my very own peeping tom!!! something about His eyes framed in the mirror watching..... mmmmmmm... i can still feel the same tightening in my lower belly even now........ Anyway.......... i did masturbate and the other Dominant said - in a rather surprised tone - "she isn't actually masturbating is she??!!" And Sir's proud answer - "Of course she is...... I ordered it"........ It didn't make the drive there any faster.... but it did indeed make it more interesting!!!

Anyway.......... back to the main topic........ we are going away for 24 hours....... no beds to make.. no meals to prepare.. just total immersion in ourselves and fun for the weekend.......... wish us well.......i am sure i will have lots to report when we return on Sunday...........

play safe while we are away !!!

Reconciliation

When i was going through my "dry spell" i asked you folks for questions... things you didn't know about me that you would like to know........ i haven't forgotten those questions...... and am going to use one this morning.............



How do you reconcile your BDSM world with the outside world? (Work/Family/Society) Are you open about what you do?

Sometimes - from where i sit - i don't see things quite the way an outsider might see them........ so i don't think Sir and i "reconcile" our BDSM with the outside world..... though others might say we reconcile it a lot ...........

In the beginning Sir had His trilogy that He would never interfere in.. work family health. For example - if i was having problems with my daughters, He left me to sort them out..... and didn't interfere - didn't tell me what to do... didn't tell them what to do........... if things were going badly at work, Sir would bite his tongue.. and i didn't have health issues per say when we were first together......

Fast forward a bit.......... and now Sir is involved in all aspects of my life... health work AND family. i am His.. totally. If something rocks the boat that is our life Sir does whatever is needed to right that boat and anchor it firmly again in the rough seas........

Mostly that anchoring involves protecting me... supporting me.. when health issues raised their ugly heads a few years back Sir was right beside me through the tests.. through the results... always with positive words and thoughts that things would get better.. It was no different this time when i faced the biopsy and all the scary things that come from biopsies..

When work crashed down around my ears three years ago........ Sir put the pedal to the metal and was at school in 30 minutes to pull me into His strong arms.. to pack up my office and hustle me out of school and home.. it was Sir who called the union and the Human Resources office.. It was Sir who organized my appointments.. and even took me to my first appointment. And it was Sir who helped me heal........

Does the outside world know about the details of our relationship...... NO. They don't need to know.. all they know is that i have a caring loving relationship. Our friends don't really know.. but if they wanted to ask questions we would answer them truthfully.......

Do my girls know about the relationship ...... YES. And before you all choke on your coffee... my girls were in their 20's when i told them... youngest daughter does not know the intimate details - she has no desire to know...... she accepts our way of life as something that makes "mom" happy and that is all that is important to her.. my eldest daughter.. well that was a bit of a funny story.....

She and i had been separated for a bit..... and i hadn't told her.. all she knew was that i had someone new in my life... then one Easter i had to take her downstairs - downstairs where the play room is...... and as i bounced down the stairs i realized 'OH MY GOD - she might see in the room.. she might see the toys.. ' and so as i quickly swished her around the corner into the 'safe' room........ i pulled the door closed behind me and decided she and i had to have a rather weird "mom and daughter talk"......... not quite the normal birds and bees talk .........

She sat listening and then exclaimed "there is a name for that??!!" (BDSM) she had had a few boyfriends who liked being spanked... she had all sorts of web sites she had been visiting. That Easter brunch lasted long into the evening - after the rest of the family had left..... with eldest daughter asking all sorts of questions...... Eldest daughter now attends the odd munch when scheduling permits.. she has been to more than a few private and public play parties...... and she is fully and totally immersed in the lifestyle - as a Dominant.

When Sir and i venture out into the vanilla world - there are often times little things that we do that keep us focused on who we are in this big bad world..... for example.. some days i will wear a rope bra out...... or a full rope body harness (under my clothes of course!!) other times i will wear the tack bra .. or the ben wah balls... i walk just behind Sir...... i always ask (mostly always) for His opinion on things before i purchase them..a good example was the redecorating i am doing in the townhouse.... Sir helped chose the paint for the main level - Sir helped select the curtains and the rugs........Sir is helping me plan the new bathroom that will be done this summer...... maybe some sales clerks wonder .. but most of the time i think they see a couple who compromises..who works together.....

We flow together now.. Sir and i..... so i don't think our lifestyle is very evident to others around us..... and as is human nature - people see what they want to see.........

Embarrassing moments.....

On Sunday Sir decided that He wanted me to insert my ben wah balls to go to Easter dinner at youngest daughter's.....



(He had already made me wear my tack bra to Easter lunch with eldest daughter on Saturday - which had left my tits pin pricked and sore..... of course to speed along the effects of the tack bra a few swift hits with the punishment stick across the tits and nipples did the trick - pushing the needles into the skin - this time actually breaking it !!! i spent Saturday lunch 'knowing' i had tits - god how they burned and hurt !!)




BUT getting back to Sunday..........


i put the balls in.. and realized almost immediately it wasn't going to work....i don't know quite why - but the balls seemed too big in diameter to go in....... (i did make a point of saying to Sir that it had been a long while since He had tried to fist me..or used more than a finger ...... and that i was sure i had shrunk down to the size of a virgin again ) i tried for about 30 minutes to keep them in and walk without looking like i had a cock shoved up.... but it didn't work.. the damn balls were banging against the walls of my pussy - hurting ....... and trust me when i say .. they are not supposed to hurt.

The whole premise of these balls is to make me horny........ inside each white ball is a smaller ball that rolls around when i move.. stimulating and massaging my pussy..... well that's the way it is supposed to work.......

After a few minutes of mincing around on tippy toes .. and having to shove the damn balls back in a couple of times..Sir told me i could leave them at home (hear my big sigh of relief!!??)

But driving to my youngest daughter's i was thinking about the balls .. and wishing they had worked... i remembered one very embarrassing time i wore the balls.. Sir had me insert them in the car driving to our favourite BDSM shop..... it was no easy job to get them in myself in the back seat of the car....... the angle was all wrong.. impossible to lie on one's back.. spread legs.. moisturize .. and insert balls...... i just kinda shoved them up while i slouched down on the seat.... legs spread as far as possible ........ as i went to get out of the car... swinging my leg over a snow bank...... i felt the balls slipping out..... a discrete hand to the crotch and a delicate shove upwards solved that immediate problem........

We shopped in the BDSM store and then the other Domme we had with us wanted to do some clothes shopping in the local stores.... so off we went....... i am not sure how long i had the balls in.. i do remember thoroughly enjoying the sensations they were creating in my pussy.... i did know i was dripping wet... and wishing for all i was worth that i had panties on (but no panties is a rule around here - and has been since the beginning)

We went into a dress store and i wanted to try on a skirt and blouse... i whispered in Sir's ear and asked if i might have permission to remove the balls in the changing room....... and the request was granted..

Fortunately i had my skirt lying on the floor under my spread legs - in case the balls just popped out and rolled....... i didn't want them rolling around on some dirty floor...

i reached up and grasped the string - which was damp (to put it mildly) and tugged.... and as the balls were exiting my pussy....... i had the world's quickest most intense orgasm ever !!! my whole body just stiffened and convulsed.. and .. i squirted.. yes !! in the middle of a changing room my juices just squirted out of me.. ran down my legs and puddled on my skirt.. and apparently i kinda shrieked.. and then started laughing and couldn't stop.......... i was standing there .. legs spread.. dripping.. and trying to reach for my purse and the kleenix i always keep in it.. and trying not to move an inch for fear of dripping all over the changing room floor...........

Needless to say i handled the mess.. did not try on the new clothes.. and beat a path out of the changing room to my Sir.. giggling furiously.. with a very red face.......

and that was indeed one of my most embarrassing moments..... and not to be repeated until i am stretched again.. big enough to accept the balls......

Through the Looking Glass..

"Downstairs" was Sir's order after breakfast on Monday morning...... down stairs??? We hadn't been "downstairs" in forever!! i felt a little like Alice in Wonderland falling down the stairs .. tumbling over and over till i thumped against the bottom step.......... because........

Downstairs is the wall of evil wicked toys..... downstairs is the cross...... downstairs are the leather cuffs..........downstairs are the chains ...... downstairs means serious play.........

Downstairs i was chained to the cross..


Upstairs Sir can't really use the whip....... Downstairs Sir can......and did........use the whip....... First the circus whip......



then the vegan whip....... which feels like a knife cutting across my skin... slicing me.......

And then there was the leather quirt........


And then there was the whippy thing.........


And then there was Helmut's toy that rates a 10 on the scale of pain ....... a 10 !!




And then i heard Alice's rabbit saying.. "i'm late i'm late for a very important date"...

And the day had only just begun..................


~~~~~~~~~
for more about our day please read Yes Miss .........

Long Weekend......

It is Easter weekend...... and thanks to the powers that be..... instead of 5 days off i am celebrating 6 days off (we won't look at the weeks and months ahead of me till June - with no break .. not this weekend anyway!!)

Sir arrived on Friday afternoon.......... and He had an evil streak in Him that i haven't seen in a long long time........ a wonderfully evil sadistic streak............. And here it is Sunday morning and i am still purring...........

ok ok.. first things first......

Saturday morning Sir decided to do some work on my thighs/pussy and tits... with an evil lil weapon that has no name.......


But when it hits - the rods spread out pretty much like in the picture and feel as though they are cutting through to bone......... such a nice evil toy !!!

i was positioned on the floor in the living room on my back...... legs spread wide.. hands above my head...... pussy, thighs, and tits exposed and accessible.

Sir started to work on the left thigh... then the right.. over and over the rods bit down into my tender flesh - i tried very hard to hold the position..... no closing my legs.. no rolling over.. ohhhh i was allowed to moan and bitch as much as i wanted but no moving !!! Every so often Sir would direct the rods to bite into my clit and pussy......... and the bitching would get louder.. and yeah .. i have to admit .. those were the times that the legs clenched together, automatically.

Once .. after a particularly heavy hit my legs clenched together and went straight up in the air......... Sir thought that an excellent position and had me hold my legs straight up in the air.. that gave Him an unhindered direct line to my ass and rosebud......... ouch ouch ouch..

i honestly have no idea how long this went on........ but in pure "Oliver Twist" fashion even when it was over i found myself saying "more please??" .......... BUT there were family obligations to meet .. lunch and shopping to do .......... so the rest of the sweet torture was left to the evening.......... and it did resume......... exactly as in the morning........ only this time Sir had me lift my legs straight up more often.. and to prevent me from kicking them down when the rods would bit just a little too deeply or i feared the skin would be cut and bleeding.. He wrapped his arm around my legs - resting them against His side so there was no wiggle room........ only stroke after stroke of burning pleasure !!!!!

This morning Sir was pleased to see that there was one bruise.... one little bruise (i am exclaiming only ONE??!!!)


Sir has posted some very appropriate Easter pics to His Blog........ bunnies of course !!!

Happy Easter Everyone !!!

(i will continue the weekend saga later - probably tomorrow.. as there are more family obligations today)

Interlude..

i have every intention of getting back to answering the questions...... to even posting some fun stuff from my weekend....... (like Sir's early morning thrashing to my inner thighs and tits and pussy) ..........

BUT .. i want to share some lyrics with you....... i have been listening to The Celtic Women cd these last few days...... i adore celtic music .......... and there was one song.. Someday....... that touched my heart...... and i had to share...

Someday, when we are wiser
When the world's older
When we have learned
I pray someday we may yet
Live to live and let live


Someday our fight will be won, and
We'll stand in the sun, in
That bright afternoon
'Til then, on days when the sun
Is gone, we'll hang on
If we wish upon the moon


There are some days, dark and bitter
Seems we haven't got a prayer
But a prayer for something better
Is the one thing we all share


Someday, when we are wiser
When the whole world is older
When we have love
And I pray someday we may yet
Live to live and one day, someday
Someday life will be fairer
Need will be rarer
And greed will not pay

It is my Easter wish for one and all........ Someday we will learn to live and let live.........

Old Dinosaur.

i said to Sir this morning in my private journal that sometimes i feel He and i are going the way of the dinosaur....... i look at the young submissives coming up and they are all about what they want........ and what they don't want...... even some "older" BDSM types make fun of the lifestyle Sir and i have......

Buffalo asked me what percentage of my week is spent doing BDSM and what percent is spent being vanilla...... i gave him a long winded round-a-bout explanation that summed up said "i believe Sir and i do "it" 24/7"

Sir does not beat my ass every second of every day..... nor does He fuck me.. or humiliate me.. or any intense BDSM activity every second of every day.... BUT..... i follow His wishes 24/7 ...... everything i do.. from laundry to cleaning to teaching to learning new gadgets is with Him always foremost in my mind. Sure sometimes if you could be a fly on the wall we would look like Ma and Pa Kettle - all settled nicely in front of the television..... or on the computers working side by side... just like any other vanilla couple......... BUT try looking a little bit deeper.. a little closer...

No we don't wear leathers all the time.. Sir does not strut around carrying whips and chains.... i don't grovel at His feet..... i don't slip into leather corsets and thigh high boots and prance around wiggling my naked ass either.... We are not the new S/M (stand and model - as swan's Master so eloquently put it)

i keep saying it over and over and over till i am damn tired of saying it........

WE DO NOT PLAY AT BDSM

i am amazed at the ones who beg us to take them on.. to train them and play with them....... but the bottom line is usually cocks and sexual satisfaction - theirs - not ours.......... always about how they want the scene to unfold - rather than how Sir and i want the scene to unfold. i find i am having to rethink our philosophical belief in D/s and BDSM...... at least in how it relates to others. Because old and new alike tend to look at us like we are dinosaurs.....

Sir and i do not come together on weekends and frantically fill each waking hour with intense extreme BDSM play. Oh it is easy to say I am Dom hear me roar when you meet with a sub for 2 or 3 - even 24 hours - but try and keep that intensity up over 2 or 3 days.. or a week.......and you will discover something quite different!!

i remember - wayyyyyyyyyy back at the beginning of this relationship with Sir.. how i dreamed of having Him live with me 24/7 - of having Him beat me and use me - every day - before work - after work ..... at bedtime.. before my morning coffee.. all the little spare periods of time would be filled with whips and floggers and pain oh my !!!! Reality check in aisle 4 please !!

And so i say to all of you out there who want to read about whips and chains and floggers and all that perverted stuff......... read elsewhere.. this blog is about my life as a 24/7 submissive -

And to all you new subs out there........ remember one thing........ it honestly truly is not all about YOU...... it is about a coming together of Dom and sub.. a melding of dreams and fantasies and wishes...... and yeah it is about orders you may not wish to follow - but you do...... because your Dom orders it.. and no matter how yucky it is.. no matter how humiliating - the end result is one of joy and celebration because you met the challenge head on..... and conquered it......

Spankers versus BDSMers

do you and your fellow BDSMers comunicate and get on well with the spanko community, in your region, or is there still a big gap between your two communities on that side of the pond?

i really thought that this particular question would be left to the end...... i wanted some time to mull over in my head the answer..... and you all have to realize that my answer to this question is coming from my knowledge and may be so very wrong.....

i for one didn't even realize there was a community who did nothing but spank. Spank and move on .. wham bang thank you ma'am. i couldn't quite get my head around it....... and being me i started to look into it.. investigate.. not really knowing where it would lead me.........

First off i found a web site called ”Christian Domestic Discipline” and within it's pages were blogs....... i skipped the Christian bit and read the blogs..... but i couldn't find one thing of "me" in those blogs.... these women were being spanked for misdemeanors such as a late dinner, or cheeky talk back to hubbie or not providing a sparkling house and folded laundry. Eventually i stopped reading it....

In the mean time i had stumbled across a blog entitled ”My Bottom Smarts”.... "one woman's celebration of life love and spankings". i rather enjoy the Sunday Brunches - questions that were asked of her readers and i even answered a couple of them......... This morning when i checked her blog (which i do do semi-regularily) i discovered she was discussing the joys of "The spanking hour" .. imagine being spanked for an entire hour !! She even offers suggestions on how to prolong the spanking. i was reading that entry and thinking...... these people are not sadists or masochists - obviously - duh !! Because a spanking (whipping or flogging) of less than an hour tends to leave me still wanting "more please Sir"....

And that made me come to realize that the dear man who contacted me from out of town - who was written about on Yes Miss........ and who got as far as telling us when he would be in Montreal and who 2 days before he was due to arrive seems to have just gone poof in a puff of smoke....... was a spankee .........not a masochist. In our emails i must have sounded a bit dense....... continuing to ask what he liked.. when he kept answering "a good sound spanking" .... over the knee sort of spanking.. a hand spanking.. perhaps once in a while with a hair brush........ and it did seem to take me forever to realize this man was not into BDSM....... but into spanking.....

And then finally your question spankedhortic - my friend from across the ocean. And then the light bulb went off over my head and i realized .. WOW there are people out there who only do spankings!!! And yes spankedhortic i have read your blog... and have to admit to complete total lack of comprehension - you really only write about spankings - and i didn't get it !! 10 spanks with a wet noodle for me !!!

Am i naive?? am i blind?? or am i just stupid?? not to realize that there is a whole community of people who only spank and nothing more....... no bondage.. no needles .. no hot wax.. no whips and chains and floggers - oh my !!!

i have thought and thought about the many years of munches i have attended.. and all the people i have met.. i have thought and thought about the many MANY public and private play parties Sir and i have attended.. and even summer camps.. and i honestly can't say i have ever been aware of people who only spank....... (colour me shocked and surprised!)

So does that mean that the two communities.. the spanking community and the BDSM community are separated - and ne'er the two shall meet?? i honestly don't know !! and am ashamed to admit it !!! i am thinking we will have to remedy that... perhaps our munch announcements aren't too inviting for folks who are spankers versus BDSMers?? Maybe it is time to start some sort of dialogue on this side of the "pond" between the two groups..... because...... my god !! ........ there must be a spankers group over here........ and i didn't know it..... and maybe we have unintentionally snubbed a whole mess of people !!!!

Spankedhortic - i promise more work on this subject - and perhaps a follow up blog entry when i have completed the study.

~~~~~~~~~
and just because i haven't really written anything about "me" and life recently .. i am pleased to say the snow has finally gotten the better of the community over here.. the schools are shut for an extra long Easter weekend as the powers to be are concerned about the structural integrity of the roofs...... and we are expecting rain and snow and freezing rain today!!!

One early morning this week i managed to lock my keys, my purse, my extra set of keys, and my cell phone in my car while it was running...... the window was open a crack and i was determined to fit my arm through the crack and open the door from the inside......... The picture below does not do justice to the bruising and swelling on my arm - wrist and palm of my hand from my futile efforts - thank god for CAA who arrived and got the door open in less than 2 minutes......


Then i had another fun start to my day the other day when i was flying out of the house to my car and went ass over tea kettle on the ice in the parking lot........ leaving my entire body feeling like it has been hit by a 10 ton truck !!!

Happy First day of Spring Everyone !!!!!!!

Different hats....(edited)

To protect the safety of the inhabitants of this lil corner of the world they have decided to clean the snow and ice off our roofs........

i was relieved and delighted..... there have been a couple of buildings that have imploded this past week here in the Great White North....... some of our schools have been evacuated because of the weight of the snow on the roofs.......

So knowing my roof would be cleared of the weight of all that snow and ice was a relief........ they should have done it while i was at work. This has been the worst 2 hours of my life. The cleaners sound as though they are gonna fall through the roof into my house. The snow and ice bounces (who knew it would bounce??!!) and hits the glass doors and windows. i have been holding my breath and pacing. Soooo what better way to get my mind off the growing pile of snow and ice outside my doors than to sit down and take one of the questions and write............

Question #1 (and they are in no specific order)

What % of your life is spent living in the BDSM world and what % of your life is spent living basically the same life as those not into BDSM?



First of all i have to say i HATE math..... i hate percentages and have absolutely no clue what percentage of my life is spent doing anything..... i just do it.. i wear a lot of 'hats'........ But i believe the submissive hat is always firmly planted on my head.... the other hats just kinda slide over the top........

I spend over 40 hours a week working as in earning a salary. i cook and clean and do laundry and shop and budget and pay the bills in my 'free' time. i am a mother and a granny with all the responsibilities that come with those hats.

BUT during all the vanilla times there are little things that keep me bound to Sir.. keep me focused. According to Sir's wishes i never wear underpants to work.... which of course means i also never wear a dress (cheeky grin)......when i am home - even alone - i never wear anything more than a sweat shirt (in the winter) and a tshirt in the summer..... when i want to buy something (over and above the groceries and necessities) i text message Sir and ask for permission.... (most of the time - i do sometimes get caught up in a sale and forget the text message) .... when i come home from work i always text message Sir and tell Him i am home..... if i am on holidays and wish to go out.. i text message Sir and tell Him where i wish to go and why.... and wait for permission to do so.......

Friday to Sunday are the intense BDSM times - the whips and floggers and needles and toys times...... But you do the math.... you work out the percentages.... in my mind.. in my life i am submissive 24/7 .......... all the rest is just stuff i do to fit in to the other world.........

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Added early the next morning.........

i was thinking about this post - this answer to the question - and i realized i left out so many other ways Sir controls my life even when we are not together.. the nightly conversations at 8pm... the morning journals........... and i realized that my submissive side really can not be separated from my vanilla life.... what i do to stay connected to Sir.. what i do that is BDSM related is so ingrained in me now i don't even "see" it......... And so you will have to forgive me for not finding all the little things that happen during the vanilla times that make vanilla a small percentage and make BDSM bigger.........

And all of that is not to say that i don't have an opinion.. that i don't voice that opinion.. that i don't get cross sometimes at Sir.. at situations.. because i do... i am not a doormat and i am most definitely NOT an eloquent graceful slave...... i am human with all the foibles that come with it.......

i have seen others (specifically drakor) smile behind his hand when i stand up to Sir.. and i can see the wheels turning in their heads as they think "she is not submissive - or not a good submissive" BUT this is not a game.. it is not something Sir and i play at once or twice a week........... it is our life...... the way we do things... i do not kneel or grovel at His feet all the time...... that is for intense weekends - or play parties - doing this full time 24/7 means finding ways to connect when Sir is not here.. finding our own way with what works for us....... we live BDSM we do not play at it.

ok - honestly i now think i am done with this question !!! (i hope i am now done with this question) Of course if there are more questions stemming from this post i will answer those too..........

They say.........

They say everyone is Irish on St. Patrick's day............. i don't quite feed into that belief...... but to one and all who are Irish and who celebrate St Patrick's day -

HAPPY ST PATRICK'S DAY

There also seems to be some gossip - or a total misunderstanding of my last post... i am not not posting because of something someone said...... i am not posting because i am tired of writing words that sound boring to my own ears!!!

Let's try this......... (some of the submissive blogs did this a couple of weeks ago) if you have a question about the lifestyle you would like answered - ask it in the comment section. If you have a question about me myself and i - ask it in my comment section. i will answer them....... maybe that will help get me out of my writer's slump.

What some of you may not realize is that i have been writing daily entries in this blog for 2 years and 11 months!!! As well as writing to my Fictional journey......... that makes for one helluva lot of words and themes............ so if you really want to hear what i have to say......... help me over the slump - ask some questions............


And on that note........ i am off to find something green to wear...... put on my shamrock earrings and pretend i really do get this "everyone is Irish on St Paddy's day".

quiet time

it was pointed out to me last evening that i hadn't posted anything for a while.........
Now this may come as a surprise to some...... (as i always seem to have words flowing from my fingers or my mouth) but sometimes i just have nothing to say.

There are only so many ways to talk about the whips and floggers and pain.......

There are only so many words to describe the incredible amount of snow.. and the length of the winter...... and only so much moaning one can do about wanting spring.......

There is only so much writing i can do about my kiddies...... my work...... my family....... my stupid white chemical pills and how they affect my mood.. my mind.. my quality of life.

There are only so many words i can spew forth before it all gets boring.. plain old fashioned boring !!! and i HATE boring........

So until i have something of value to say..... something of interest to say........ something that needs to be said............

Amazement

Amazement doesn't even come close to expressing my feelings over the world around me. Between Thursday last week and Sunday morning we got hit with 65cms of snow (which is over 2 feet)

i hadn't really been out of the house since Monday..... i ran out yesterday and everywhere i looked i saw cars plowed under snow...... snow banks that boggle the mind as to how they got so high.......... On Monday i ran to the local IGA (grocery store)...... yesterday when i ran over....more than half the parking lot has been turned into a snow dump - the city just doesn't have any more room to put it!!!

Last night at 10:30 i received a phone call that all the school boards were shutting down the schools today.......... i couldn't believe it...... the yards hadn't been cleared.. the buses didn't want to venture out............ and that was almost 24 hours after the last storm........

City buses are having trouble getting around today - and - for the most part - they don't take side streets like the school buses....... and 5 city buses had been involved in fender benders by 9:00 am !!!

Honestly i don't remember a winter like it. i am in awe of the brutality that Mother Nature can inflict with something so beautiful as white fluffy snow.

Today ......... on my free day off... i decided to bring some hope of spring to a dear friend. She isn't up to phone calls, or visits. (shame is a terrible thing...... eats one up from the inside out ) The one thing she has always loved was getting one of my "homemade" cards.

The front of the card is origami - individual "petals"... so to speak....glued together to create a flower...






on the inside i placed a picture of the original squares used to make the origami flower.......
Now all i have to do is find a mail box that isn't buried under mountains of snow...........

This and that....

Well i have pulled the house back together.. changing this and that.. adding more oriental influence on the main level - have i told you i love the oriental influence??!!

After 4 days of painting - and ignoring all the other work that needs to be done.. today i am doing the usual cleaning lady routine........ ughhhhhhhh a woman's work is never done !!

i have been struggling all week with sleep....... usually my head hits the pillow and i am gone.. it is a quality of mine that drives Sir nuts !!! and usually i wake up automatically after 7 - 8 hours. My grandmother always used to say - clear conscience - good night's sleep. But this week i haven't been sleeping well...... so does that mean i don't have a clear conscience??? i was wondering about that the other day........ i did a little mental health check and declared myself clean and fit...... so why wasn't i sleeping?? Then - just like in the cartoons - a light bulb went off over my head.......... i wasn't locking the cats up at night.. i love to have lil miss ashes snuggle up behind me and sleep with me......... but squirt the male does not sleep.. left to his own devices he roams the house - prowls is more like it - my attack cat on guard. So i penned the "kids" back up et voila 8 hours sleep !!! Still got my clear conscience - thank goodness !!

My legs ache today........ ache from the ankles to the knees ........ just like when you stand for too long.. or walk too far (in the wrong shoes) ... and nothing seems to help... not Tylenol or sitting.. or laying down.. or elevating them.. or standing.. they just ache (much like a tooth ache ) and it is driving me nuts !!! i wonder if i strained too many muscles hopping up and down the ladder.. standing on tippy toes to paint the upper most part of the wall that i missed when i was on the ladder (hey i never said i was an accomplished painter with any kind of strategy !!)

And i am on my 5th day of my white chemicals - 5th day of the 3rd month - one more month to go. i am fatigued and a bit nauseous and wondering if all these side effects have been worth it... is the problem being healed?? i HATE not knowing.

And as i sit here writing ........ i hear the plows moving snow banks....... (making a bloody mess of the grass and the bushes/gardens) preparing for the next big dump of snow due to start tonight and end sometime on Sunday - another foot or so......... we are clearly running out of place to put all this white stuff !!! BUT we do put the clocks ahead on Saturday night.. more daylight .. YAY !!! and hopefully it means spring IS just around the corner.

On another bright note....... we have had some success (hopefully) in our search for a new 'boy'......... i have posted more details on Yes Miss. And Sir has a sweet young thing that has been over to the condo once for a little spanking...... and we are hoping she will return again soon......... but i promised her i would write no details....... so that is all i am saying on the subject!!

And that dear readers is it for today....... the vacuum is calling my name.... and god after a week of painting.. my body needs some serious shaving and prepping.. it is Friday and Sir is coming !!!!!!

Faults

i was thinking today i have a few faults - ok ok more than a few faults..........

i have very little patience........ i want things done yesterday.. i want things fixed yesterday...i want to get in shape and be thin immediately damn it !! i have eaten like a bird for a whole week now.. and exercised my butt off.. now i say... now !! i want you to understand what i am trying to say damn it !! yup.. very little patience.

i am a perfectionist and tend to expect the same quality from those around me. If you can't do a job perfectly then don't bother to do it all !!

i tend to put too much trust in people and when they fall short of some goal i expect from them i am either angry or hurt.. or both. i prefer being a loner for just that reason.. no chance of being disappointed by someone.....or hurt if i keep to myself.

i am not very flexible - i hate change - and i tend to feel insecure and uncertain when changes happen........

i am obsessive over cleanliness and things being in their place. As i have been told over and over again.. the dirt will still be there tomorrow..

i am fiercely independent probably stems from the trust thing........ i know *I* will do what needs to be done.

i can be cranky and grouchy.

i can act like a spoiled brat.

i worry way too much about family .. things.. what if monsters.

i stress way too much.

TMI right? too bad .. i needed to say it..

and now my faults are out there.. in black and white (so to speak) it is time to start trying to change them......... one baby step at a time.

World of Hurt

i hurt in places i didn't even know could hurt !! Sir said to pace myself...... i did i did !! fast paced is a pace isn't it???

Sir said He didn't think i could get the living room/porch/and main hallway painted in one week.... (they all sort of run together and if you do the hallway you HAVE to do the living room.... the porch was just something i added to the list of changes needed) Sir said He would come and help - i said no........

First of all i pointed out to Sir that on "Trading Spaces" (a tv show we used to watch - where couples trade homes and do a room in each other's house over a weekend) that if they could completely and totally redecorate (not just paint) a room or two in a weekend - i could do the main level in a week !!!

And no i am not crazy for saying "no"... cause i know how i like to work........ you can't find the kitchen counters right now, and the sink looks like a dumping ground for toxic waste... i work till my stomach grumbles then i grab something convenient out of the fridge and eat it standing up glaring at the paint and brushes and painters tape and all the expanse of walls still not done. There is no way in hell i could work with Sir here helping.. i would be strung up from the ladder upside down i am sure!! (it is bad enough that He had me start painting nude - and took photos of it !!! blackmail i say ..pure blackmail !!)

Anyway this morning i woke up and can't move........ i need traction.... i need a massage.. i need something anything to make the arms move again and the legs flex !!! i am gonna take some time off from painting and run messages ......... pick up some new living curtains.. run to the bank.. run to the grocery store - you know .. the nice easy things that will not involve climbing ladders and swinging a roller dripping paint..........

And for those of you who have heard the tales of my painting ........... i didn't get one drop of paint on my ass.... but i have decided not to give up my day job........ painting is hard work !! i can think of much better ways .... more fun ways .. to hurt this much....... maybe this weekend - after all the painting is done??? If i could i would cross my fingers.........

Don't worry be happy.....

“You are always already happy. The reason you don’t experience it is that it’s covered up by layers of suppressed emotions and negative thoughts. Shift your attention and your inherent happiness flashes forth.” Steve Ross

i stole that saying from A View from the Floor......... it's a good read blog and i strongly suggest you pop over and give it a read if you haven't already (i am usually a day late and a dollar short around here..... so most of you may already have her linked )

Well the weekend didn't quite end the way i had planned.. my week ahead is not looking exactly the way i had planned...... (for those of you - who....like me....are usually a day late and a dollar short - you can read about the angst filled weekend on Yes Miss) The weekend ended with a very nice email from drakor suggesting that i post that he is too sick to serve his sentence - he even volunteered to come over for some sort of inspection to make it all real........ and then he suggested i add on a punishment for being late ..a penalty for not taking care of himself and finally a penalty for rudeness and post the results....... ok i am lost here..... but that's ok i seem to be lost most of the time these days.

But i am taking the above advise.. i am shifting my focus and finding my happiness. Years ago when i got discouraged or down or angry or even when i was happy i used to redecorate the house ....... (pity my poor ex.. he always got pressed into service during those times) so i am going to redecorate this week........ now you just have to pity poor Sir.. who put up with me moving stuff around this weekend..... ohhhhhhhh that's not to say He didn't slow me down some with a well placed valentine's day bucket and some rocks....(can i say OUCH!!) oh yeah .. and Sir has said He will write a bog about it .. complete with pictures.. (cheeky grin) some day soon......... do you get the feeling i am giving Sir a gentle nudge???

Now i am off .. (ok ok i have been "off" for a long time............. ) to find some paint and some brushes and to redecorate the house........ nothing like a little hard work to put the angst to rest...........

ohhhh and before i forget.. i have taken my first pill of the 3rd month's treatment...... and am already feeling the effects.. hot sweats and laziness...... but i am not going to let some little white pill slow me down !!! What's the expression " can't keep a good woman down" (yeah yeah i know it is supposed to be man.......... but don't get me started on that topic !!)

RSS feeds

wellllllll i have had a couple of requests to enable - or fix - or do something to make my "Yes Miss" blog RSS compatible. (i am assuming the other blogs are compatible)

well i have laboured hard... sweat bullets, cried real tears, BUT, i think i have done it!!! And just in the nick of time too....... seeing as there should be some daily updates on Yes Miss starting tomorrow...........




Actually i lie........ i need a court of appeals.. a BDSM court of appeals to go over a judgment i made this week.... cast your vote.. let your voice be heard !!! This is an important decision in the world of BDSM decisions!!! Pop on over to Yes Miss.......... read the case.. and cast your vote (in the form of a comment) and i will tally up the comments and post the results early tomorrow morning............

Come be judge and jury...........

ohhhhhhhh come on.. it will be fun !!!!!