Wednesday, December 30, 2015
Finding my power
Over the holidays I realized I could talk about the break up between W and I without any pain - but more importantly without any anger.
Anger had been the emotion that was holding me back from healing I think. Anger was eating me up........Anger was making me cry ...... Anger was making me build walls and push people away......... Anger took away my trust.
I realized at one point that pushing W away - keeping him at arm's length was what I needed - for a while. BUT the other day he posted a comment on The Journey and asked me to NOT delete it. I emailed him and told him that as long as his comments are appropriate I had no reason to delete them and not post them. I was setting boundaries - setting down the ground rules. It was - in a funny way I guess - me taking back my power.
Then on the 28th it was his birthday - and I automatically went to wish him "happy birthday" on his facebook wall - and realized I couldn't because I had "unfriended" him. I sat staring at the screen for a bit - poking the scabs - were they healed enough??? Could I have him in my feed daily and not have the anger swamp me again?? Could I read his writings and not feel the pain?? Could I really take back my power and not let him rule my emotions??
And the answer was YES. I have come a long way from the sniveling basket case I was just 5 months ago. So I sent him a message and asked if we could be "friends" on Facebook.
The power is mine again. And that is a good feeling.......... it's a healing power........ I am standing on my own two feet again......... a bit wobbly - but moving forward with more strength then I have had in a long time. It's a good feeling.
I am thinking finding my power again is a massive step forward...... I am feeling free to really move forward with my life............ leave the guilt behind......... opening my world wider to welcome new adventures.................