Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Finding my power





Over the holidays I realized I could talk about the break up between W and I without any pain - but more importantly without any anger.

Anger had been the emotion that was holding me back from healing I think.  Anger was eating me up........Anger was making me cry ...... Anger was making me build walls and push people away......... Anger took away my trust.

I realized at one point that pushing W away - keeping him at arm's length was what I needed - for a while.  BUT the other day he posted a comment on The Journey and asked me to NOT delete it.  I emailed him and told him that as long as his comments are appropriate I had no reason to delete them and not post them.  I was setting boundaries - setting down the ground rules.  It was - in a funny way I guess - me taking back my power.

Then on the 28th it was his birthday - and I automatically went to wish him "happy birthday" on his facebook wall - and realized I couldn't because I had "unfriended" him.  I sat staring at the screen for a bit - poking the scabs - were they healed enough??? Could I have him in my feed daily and not have the anger swamp me again?? Could I read his writings and not feel the pain?? Could I really take back my power and not let him rule my emotions?? 

And the answer was YES.  I have come a long way from the sniveling basket case I was just 5 months ago.  So I sent him a message and asked if we could be "friends" on Facebook.  

The power is mine again. And that is a good feeling.......... it's a healing power........ I am standing on my own two feet again......... a bit wobbly - but moving forward with more strength then I have had in a long time.  It's a good feeling. 

I am thinking finding my power again is a massive step forward...... I am feeling free to really move forward with my life............ leave the guilt behind......... opening my world wider to welcome new adventures................. 

 

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