Thursday, December 31, 2015

The Dating Game

The continuing saga of my dating adventure.............. (I think I have told you I am trying on dating - sorta like when one tries on shoes)

I joined POF (Plenty of Fish - or as one of my friends told me - Plenty of fucking) After the initial rush of emails from horny men who didn't bother to read my profile - I got one one liner - "so define artsy fartsy"   I was impressed - he read through my profile and came up with a catchy one liner (beats "hey you wanna fuck") 

Turns out he is an artist complete with studio and gallery.  (I think I have already recounted this story - but hang in there it gets better).  We had the first compulsory coffee........ then I went to his studio and gallery.  He seemed like an ok sort.  Though - I didn't feel any twinges in my gut - no weak knees - but was determined to give him a fair shake,

Now I haven't done any "vanilla" dating in eons - so really was unsure how it should go,  At the gallery he was a gentlemen (by most people's definition and I was told - when I bitched - to be patient) He certainly found me pretty - and sexy.  We kissed and held hands and kissed some more and snuggled.  

BUT still no weak knees - no twinges.

Again I told myself I had to be patient and give this man a chance.  I mean he's not hard on the eyes - is more than a little intelligent - is self-supporting - and is more than a little artistic - and a completely different personality than I am used to.......... good points right??

SO .......... we had a date yesterday.  He told me that he had to come into town so why didn't we hook up and do something.  He suggested he would come here - to my place.  I thought we would have a coffee and then head out to do whatever it was he wanted to do in the city.  

We had set the time to meet at 11:00 - but I was running late from the gym and phoned to ask if we could make it 11:30 - he was running WAY behind and asked if we could make it 1:00.  

Now I will admit - over the Christmas break I had thought of him more than once - and had had some sweet fantasies............ so I was really looking forward to yesterday - had cleared my calendar for the entire afternoon/evening.  I had "plans".  I was ready..... hell I was horny as horny can be!!

He arrived at 1:00 sharp........ when he walked in the apartment - before I could even get a "hi" out ...... he had pushed me up against the coat cupboard and was kissing me - deep sensual kisses that took my breath away.  

BUT not in a good way.  I felt - I am not sure how to explain it.......... uncomfortable I guess.  I  broke away and said " hell let me catch my breath" His response was "breathe through your nose".  I managed to get his coat off and hang it up (in hind sight I should have opened the apartment door and pushed him out) 

He made himself completely at home - scoping out the apartment and spending an uncomfortable amount of time eyeing my bedroom up and down.  Again I felt uncomfortable.  

We sat on the sofa and before I could catch my breath he had me pinned (sort of) to the sofa at an odd angle - half sitting half lying - and he was kissing me again - actually shoving his tongue down my throat.  ewwwwwwwwwwww

When I managed to sit up and push him off - I noticed both his socks had holes in them........  that was my undoing - holey socks??!!!  I couldn't help but wonder what his underwear looked like - and then decided I didn't want to go there - double ewwwwwwwww

Mini me had suggested before this relationship went too far - to tell him about my clit piercing and see if he 1) got the hint that I am into some kinky shit or 2) ran the other way.  SO I told him I had a piercing and some tattoos and asked if it bothered him.  He didn't seem to care - definitely wasn't on his radar.  I asked if he had ever read the book The Story of O - and he hadn't - didn't even know what it was - he did ask if it was anything like that 50 shades of something......... le sigh...... definitely a vanilla.. through and through.

After a couple of hours of his groping and sloppy kisses - and my explaining I was an "old fashioned sort of girl who didn't DO sex after only 3 meet ups" He finally decided he should leave............. and I breathed a huge sigh of relief!!

As he sauntered down the hallway towards the lobby - I thought " well you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your prince".  

He was definitely a frog............. 

Now the question is - do I have the patience to kiss a lot of frogs??? LOL definitely not if they have holey socks !!!


  1. I am with you on the holey socks or holey clothes in general. I mean once you get past a few months, then ok, but before that? I have had a few dud first dates where the person had a hole in there shirts.... not attractive!!


  2. Holey socks? It means he had put his shoes off. He definitely was feeling at home, much too much actually.
    I just love your description, complete with sloppy kisses! You made me laugh...

  3. Ordalie - I am SO glad I made you laugh - because it was funny - the whole incident !! and I was laughing about it... not everyone saw the humour shrug.... at least you did !


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