Friday, June 11, 2010
On feeling needed
When one is bottoming versus being collared there is a whole different mind set. And trust me when I say it takes some getting used to...........
At first I fumbled my way along....... never sure what to expect - or what to ask for... never knowing if this was the last time I would play with S&S .. or how long till the next time I would be asked to play with them. There isn't the same stability (for lack of a better term) in bottoming versus being collared.
It has now been 5 weeks - yes only 5 weeks - since the first time they played with me. In between times we have had multiple coffee dates... and a couple of shopping trips.
My anxieties about if.. when.... they would play with me again are slowly subsiding.
And all this anxiety is being replaced with a brand new feeling. I have sorta kinda poked this feeling a few times - pinched myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming...... and I wasn't. They WANT to play with me. They ENJOY playing with me. They LIKE me just for who I am.
The other night they arrived for a coffee date.. and I walked with them into the kitchen to get some coffee and the male S grabbed me and pulled me in for a tight long hug. And my heart soared! I didn't need to ask for the hug... I just got one.
They have teased me about a comment I made the other day in my blog about "some day down the road, I may start looking for a full service Dominant" they said "HE" could warm me up .. but they wanted me for the play time.... then there were good natured jokes about scaring this "full service Dominant" away..... jokes that's all it was........ but I realized it made me feel needed and wanted.
I am special to them and that is a very nice feeling. I am special and needed and not for any other reason than who I am.
I am one very lucky bottom !
(and before anyone wonders - there is joy in my needing them as well )