Puzzling the pieces

I had a blog sorta/kinda pieced together in my head for this morning's entry.  Then i read an article by Midori and shelved the original planned entry.

If anyone still doesn't know who Midori is......... you can check out her bio here....... 


W and i went to two of her workshops when she was in Montreal.  I was very impressed with her skills of "profiling" shall we say.  I had signed up to be a victim participant in her workshop on humiliation - but she came to me before hand and said (having read my application form) that she would not do humiliation on me... that I should avoid forms of humiliation play - and damn she was right on !!!  (I discovered later that I would probably go after anyone who tries to humiliate me tooth and nail)


Ok... all that to say......... I stumbled across a new article written by Midori this morning entitled BDSM's Dirty Secret  and it made me sit up and take notice.  In fact I read the whole article twice.

In my humble opinion (or not so humble really) I think she has hit the nail right on the head.  

Back in the day when W and I would go out to play at clubs - there was an energy that was so strong you could feel it , taste it, smell it.  Those energies have slowly disappeared, evaporated.  And I thought it was just me... thought that W and I had reached a level of play that made everyone go "ewwwwwwwwwww" and run screaming from our scene.  No one around us seemed to play that way...... no one around us seemed to have any sparks.  Everyone seems to play with a showmanship style - with technique and form - and very little else.

And I realized a lot of that energy that I was so accustomed to was missing when I bottomed last summer.

Midori put it so well in her article.  She says "the danger inherent in SM is intimacy and human connection.  Because, at some level, SM demands participants to be true to their desires and hungers, vulnerabilities and savagery.  Fully engaged kink insists on full presence without pretense and willingness to connect the raw humanity to another's raw humanity"  

YES YES YES !!!  so often what I see now at parties are people hooking up for a little slap and tickle sort of play.  There is no connection - no bond.  And often times once the scene is over - the participants separate and move on to other players.... wash rinse and repeat.  


I don't feel or see any connection.  I do see a lot of technical perfection.  I do see a lot of showmanship.  It doesn't look anything like what W and I do.  We don't stand on showmanship......... we get hot and sweaty and work hard.  We connect .... W will stop and stroke ... I will dance my jig and call him names... i have even been known to shout out "FUCK that hurts!!" .. we will laugh together and hug and caress and bond together.  


Personally I do not care what someone thinks of our "fetwear" or our "style" .. all that matters to me is the coming together in the midst of exploding fireworks........ And when we are done - the toys are often thrown here and there (a treasure hunt to find them and sort them and get them back in their individual carrying cases) - both W's and my body are drained - and tired.  We have sought heights of desire that so few seem interested in anymore.  


So.... BDSM has changed.  From raw desire - to showmanship. 


And that - my dear friends - is just another puzzle piece fitting into place in "My Adventurous Journey".