F U

 

May I suggest if you aren't in the mood to read a Debbie Downer post that you skip today and come back when my mood improves.....

 

OK you've been warned............

 

I'm fed up - I am feeling so forgotten maybe even a little taken for granted.  It's the little things like .. when Sir Steve comes home from work - he plays with the dog - talks to his daughter and I get a kiss and a 'how was your day?' and then he picks up his phone and goes online till it's time for supper...... After supper he's back on his phone until we go inside to watch a movie.  

We have been in the country for 4 weeks now - during the week I don't talk to anyone except the 8 year old..... (there's no one else around) I am going stare crazy I think.  Is it too much to ask for some quality time with my Sir??!!   Any fun time / play time has to happen on the weekend the lil one is gone..... cause ya know during the week it never happens........ and I have no clue why?? I am starting to think (believe) that he doesn't find me sexy anymore - and the weekends are just to keep me from being too bitchy.  BUT 2 weekends a month?????  

I told him at the beginning that unlike his other women/wives I do not want THINGS from him.... what I want/need is HIM - time with him - attention. It's not happening and I am feeling down........ so down that once again my eating problems are raising their ugly heads.  I can't eat - the food just won't go down.  I have little or no control over it... right now I am eating less than the little one........ it's starting to be a problem.... and don't tell me to eat - it won't go down !!  and I mean WON'T!!  I try to swallow and land up gagging..... so I spit it quietly into my napkin and give up.

Last night when Sir Steve came home he did the play with the dog - hug his daughter - and I got my kiss ..... then he picked up his phone and called his step mom.  Yes Yes I know - she's grieving and there's paper work to handle and things to discuss and Yes Yes I know they have a bond I cannot share - BUT couldn't it wait until after dinner??!!!  I called him on it... pointed out his daughter was waiting to show him what she had done at S's summer camp (yeah I am a sucker for punishment - home schooled her for a year and a half and now because there's no camps I am trying to keep her busy with arts and crafts and games all day) and how I  don't get to talk to an adult all day long and look forward to adult company in the evening..... he said all the right things - but ya know what??? We've been here before... and he always promises to fix it (and he does - briefly) but then we go back to old ways until I boil over again.  and no I don't yell I just tear up - cause it feels useless..........

The weather doesn't help - Covid doesn't help...... hell we went 3 weeks with no cases ZERO ... NADA,...and in two days we have 3 active cases!!!! Rib fest is this weekend - we were gonna go with eldest daughter and SIL - gonna eat there (cause it's outside and we can find a spot in the park away from others) I was so looking forward to it.... nervous a little but still a little excited too .......... and now they are forecasting cloudy cool weather with showers.  Honestly I just feel like giving up.