A little Life lesson

 Came across this little story yesterday and decided to share.........

WHY DOGS LIVE LESS THAN HUMAN


Here's the surprising answer of a 6 year old child.

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog’s owners, Ron, his wife Lisa, and their little boy Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn’t do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.
As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience.

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker‘s family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.

The little boy seemed to accept Belker’s transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker’s Death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that dogs' lives are shorter than human lives. Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, ”I know why.”
Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I’d never heard a more comforting explanation. It has changed the way I try and live.

He said, ”People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life — like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?” The six-year-old continued,
”Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don’t have to stay for as long as we do.”


Live simply.
Love generously.
Care deeply.
Speak kindly.

Remember, if a dog was the teacher you would learn things like:
• When your loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
• Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
• Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure Ecstasy.
• Take naps.
• Stretch before rising.
• Run, romp, and play daily.
• Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
• Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
• On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.
• On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
• When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
• Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
• Be faithful.
• Never pretend to be something you’re not.
• If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
• When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle them gently.

That's the secret of happiness that we can learn from a good dog.

Foggy

The side effects to this medicine I am on are pretty horrific...... I am having trouble focusing on anything....... I am exhausted and achy ..... I have a constant low level headache .....I have the Y U C K Y metallic taste in my mouth 24/7 ...... and I have nausea and loss of appetite

They have now put me on probiotics  to try and help my gut ...... fun part is I have to take my antibiotics with food and I have to take the probiotics with food AND I can't take them together.......AND they both have to be taken 3 times a day....... 

One ray of hope -- the pain in my gut is gone .... and I can lie on my left side! 

 

Hanging In..........

So I went to the clinic on Monday and saw a super Doctor (isn't that half the battle? finding a doctor who listens to you and is re-assuring?) 

7 years ago I spent almost 3 weeks in hospital with a ruptured abscess in my stomach (it took them 4 weeks prior to admitting me - to figure out was wrong with me -- and in the process I nearly died).  They gave me a regime of IV antibiotics and a fairly strict diet to follow and since then I have been fine.... well fine-ish

Then about 4 years ago I had a doctor poo-poo the diet I was following.  He said there had been medical studies done that proved the diet wasn't necessary.  YAY!  So I went back to eating like a normal human -- seeds and grains and fruit and all sorts of normal stuff.

Well about a month ago I started to feel 'off'.  Couldn't exactly put my finger on it.... then everything fell apart.  Google is your friend when you hate doctors -- so I followed the advise I found on there...... and convinced myself I was improving.

Until a week ago when I ate cantaloupe....... and everything went to hell in a hand basket.

This wonderful doctor at the clinic spent time listening to me -- and also explained how medical studies work........ about the majority of patients falling into the 'no diet necessary' group .... but - as he asked - what about the ones who didn't fall into that group??? 

So he gave me 2 prescriptions -- one I was to fill immediately and the other one I was to fill on Wednesday or Thursday if I wasn't feeling better.  Simple enough instructions right?

Except........
The side effects to the first prescription are gas, bloating, diarrhea (which is what my symptoms are ) PLUS a lovely metallic taste in the mouth, nausea, and dizziness.  How the hell do I know if I am improving or if I need the 2nd prescription???

I am opting to wait another 24 hours before making a decision on the 2nd prescription....... and hoping against hope that come Friday I will be packing the car and heading off to the camp grounds for the summer......... healthy (or healthy-ish)
 

Scared

For the last 3 weeks I have tried to pretend that there was nothing seriously wrong with my body.......... 

have I told you I HATE doctors?

For 3 weeks I have tried all the home remedies that have worked in the past..... 

have I told you I HATE doctors??

For 3 weeks I have lied to myself that I was getting better....... 

have I told you I HATE doctors?

This weekend I had to admit I wasn't getting better -- I feel like crap.

have I told you I HATE doctors? 

This morning I am going to the clinic......... 

AND

I am scared ....... really scared.

Sunday Sentiments

Introspective ..... again.

Yesterday I wrote about the changes around here..... afterwards I was thinking I should have written something about my changes..... and decided that it deserved it's own blog entry.  (cause I am learning to separate myself from others )

When Sir Steve and I reconnected almost 2 years ago...... my changes had begun..... 

BUT

I was so far from where I am today it's hard to believe...... 

2 years ago I had such low self esteem --- I didn't think anyone would want "me" for me.... I was only good as a submissive -- as a service submissive..... and even then there had been doubt planted in my head - was I really a good submissive?  I explored poly because I honestly believed who would want me ??? And poly allowed me to not connect / bond with one person. 

I was so prone to panic attacks -- having them regularly -- sometimes totally paralyzing me .  My social anxiety was laughable....... the only real safe place was tucked neatly away in my lil apartment.

I reverted to my eating disorders....... cutting my calories way down (800 - 900 a day) and exercising 5 days a week -- till my body was pushed to it's limits.

Then Sir Steve wandered into my life -- not demanding anything... not expecting anything... accepting me just as I was flaws and all....... he held me up when I could barely find my feet...... and pushed me to make decisions - MY decisions 

When I decided to move here to live in the same city with him ........ I didn't over think it... I mean it was February when I first toyed with the idea and I was totally moved into my lil quirky apartment here by May 15th!

AND the heaven's didn't open and no bolt of lightening came out of the heavens to strike me dead !!  Imagine!

I never slept one night in my quirky lil apartment -- but it was my escape hatch -- when Sir Steve decided I wasn't good enough.......... 

Somewhere over this past year I realized Sir Steve wasn't judging me -- not by my submissiveness ... not by my looks (wrinkles and all) ... not by anything more but by who I am.  It took me a long time to adjust ........ he didn't want a submissive good or otherwise -- he wanted a partner... a lover.... a teammate.  And so I decided to remove the safety net -- to trust myself and to trust Sir Steve.  I gave up my 'escape hatch' and moved everything in here with Sir Steve and the lil one --- eyes wide open.

I realized recently I don't remember the last time I had a serious panic attack... and the anxiety is predictable and therefore it can be handled.   

And I realized I was becoming my own person....... not relying on anyone else's judgement/opinion of who or what I am.  

I am now finding my voice..... learning to 'talk' ....... learning to say "I need" ... "I want".... and that's a good thing....... 

That's a very good thing!

 

A Bit Introspective

I know most people look back and assess their progress -- I have been doing that over the last week or so...... 

The changes here at Sir Steve's bogel my mind ..........

Just over a year ago when I moved here -- the lil one treated me like an intruder... the food I cooked examined as though it was poisoned.... my ideas of tidy bedrooms a new concept (for the most part)... this was a child who was stuck around the age of 3 and yet she was going to be 5!   Slowly the toddler dishes and cutlery disappeared as did the plastic cups...... 'she was a BIG girl now' was my war cry ....... the TV was turned off at meal times -- and then slowly her time watching it was reduced to 1 hour and a half a day.  She learned to amuse herself -- to play by herself.

Now when we sit down to meals she gobbles up her meals -- declaring dinner 'delicious' (except when I try to sneak bell peppers onto her plate) ...... she uses a knife to cut her food and is working on spreading toppings on bread to make her own sandwiches -- she drinks out of glasses and eats off the dinner plates -- she sets the table and clears the table without a blink of an eye.... she feeds the dog...... her baby talk has almost completely gone...... Last night -- much to my surprise she took her elastics out of her hair herself and took the braid out...... wow!!  Her dad said 'you're my lil girl' and she said seriously -- 'NO Dad I am a big girl now!'  

We have all been working on her reading and math skills.  Her report cards have slowly been improving....... and last week she brought home an Award "Star Reader" ... I was soooo thrilled -- and the best part ... she said "I am proud of myself !" (another quality we have been working on -- to recognise internally the job well done -- not looking to outside sources for validation)

Tomorrow is her graduation from Kindergarten.... her dress is picked out -- she has new sandals and pretty little socks and a special dress.  I am not sure who will be more proud or more emotional -- her father or me!

And Sir Steve........ 
Just over a year ago -- his heart was deeply hurt.  I felt he was struggling with his own self esteem -- confidence....... 
I supported him while he pursued his dream..... I stressed over it ... lost sleep over it... but knew HE had to do it his way.......... I also learned quite quickly how much the other women in his life had altered the fun of sex......... there were so many ways to try and help him I almost didn't know where to start....... 

Around the end of March his dream faltered - badly.  Giving him time to think it through -- to see the reality -- I initiated the talk....... time to step up to the plate...... and he did........... oh and I know it hasn't been easy for him....... (we all have dreams we want to live) but i am not his other women -- I have high expectations for him (just like I do for his lil one - grinning) He seems to be on track now....doing well confident and strong the man I used to know...... 
I have pulled back on some of my 'parenting' of the lil one pushing him forward to take up the slack.  It's time.

It's wonderful to see this family coming together..... last summer the lil one and I called this family the 'happy kingdom' and now I can honestly say it IS a 'happy kingdom' 

Life is good when progress happens and a happy kingdom evolves

Glorious Weekend

We had a glorious weekend!  

It was HOT hot and more hot -- and sunny with a side order of more sun.

The lil one came to spend Sunday with her dad and celebrate Father's Day.  

My tummy had one last 'hurrah' - if I can put it that way - on Saturday -- but by Sunday it was finally feeling better..... HURRAY!!  

Sunday night Sir Steve and I went to bed early .......... after a two week drought we spent a glorious time in bed.......

apparently we have a 'routine' (cheeky grin) ..... about half way through our 'bed time' he knelt up and said "you know the routine"  -- I got a fit of the giggles and replied with "soooooo our sex is now R O U T I N E??!!"  

Life is good when the sex is routine and the routine makes you cheeky (excuse the pun)

Sunday Sentiments

FFF

This week I have lost 2 1/2 pounds.....

But I have only just started to reintroduce solid foods (other than crackers) - so this weight loss won't stick...... my determination to lose those last 5 pounds before the wedding is still as strong as ever.... 

Two more weeks and we'll be living at the camp site which means a whole lot more steps and exercise ......... I am sure it's a goal I can reach ... by healthy eating and exercise

Long Week

It's been a long week and it's only Thursday!!

I have been existing on less than 800 calories a day -- liquid diet -- so I can rest my body and let it heal.  It's been rough..... very rough.

More than once this week I thought if I lived alone this would be so much easier -- no one would worry about me -- I wouldn't push myself so people wouldn't worry -- AND I wouldn't have been cooking yummy food that I don't dare touch.

I can't talk to Sir Steve about any of this .......... cause I can't.

So I wrote him an email that he'll stumble across probably tonite...... 

and hopefully by next week -- as I slowly add foods to my diet and increase my calorie intact -- my mood and my energy will improve.......... 

Adults -- sheesh!

Things for the most part have improved drastically with the lil one and the sharing of custody.  There has been none of the nonsense at the camp grounds like last summer.  The mother in law did announce at the front office at the beginning of the season that things were SO much better now 
they didn't have to have anything to do with US! 

thank god - life WILL improve for us for sure !!

It's June....... and the lil one's school is holding a kindergarten graduation next week.  (don't get me started on Kindergarten graduations..... that's a whole different topic!)

On Monday evening we were all sitting outside on the deck and I asked the lil one if Mommy was going to the graduation.  She proceeded to say
"Yes Mommy's going -- even Grandpa is coming !!  BUT Grandma says they are NOT sitting with you!"

I couldn't hide my shock.  I said 'well I think that's a pretty mean thing for Grandma to say......... we're all family connected by you."  The lil one asked 'does it make you sad ?? does it break your heart in pieces ?" 

I answered her truthfully -- I said "yes as a matter of fact it does break my heart..... we should all try and be family for you!"

Funny spin off from that little chat -- the lil one has been very loving to me -- more than usual -- lots of hugs and kisses.  She's such a sweet lil girl who, it would seem, is still in the middle of  a difficult family situation.



(for the record -- I have recorded this incident for the lawyers -- if/when we ever go back to court to finalize the decree)

Listening to my body......

In 2011 I went into hospital to have my gall bladder removed.  The surgery went well ..... except 4 days after I was running a fever.  It took the doctors almost 3 weeks to figure out what was wrong.  I was at home -- just going to see the doctor for consults.  By the time they re-admitted me to hospital I hadn't eaten in over a week (probably longer but I have very little memory of that time).  

After much testing -- and many scans -- they discovered I had an abscess in my bowel that had ruptured.  Two weeks later after massive doses of antibiotics I was allowed to go home.

Since then I have followed a fairly strict diet -- no seeds -- no nuts -- not too many veggies and I have been fine.  About 4 years ago in my new city with W the doctor told me the diet was outdated.  They had proven it had no bearing on actually preventing another abscess.  YAY!!  I got to eat the foods I loved -- especially Montreal bagels with sesame seeds.

Fast forward to the last year.  I have had a yucky tummy off and on.  It came and went.  It was bearable.  Until the last 3 weeks.  My tummy didn't feel right.  It wasn't anything I could actually put my finger on ya know?  It just felt yucky.  Then for the last week or so things got bad....... and I do mean 
B A D.  I was scared.  And when I get scared I shut down. (well at least for a little bit) All the little tricks I had used before to feel better weren't working.  This weekend was the worst.

On Sunday night and Monday I googled what to do -- what diet I should be on etc.  On Sunday night I promised Sir Steve I would go to the clinic on Monday.  BUT damn the thought of that scared me so much!!  All I could see was a repeat of weeks in and out of hospital -- doctors poking and prodding and yucky tests and even yuckier medicines.  I decided I wouldn't go.  I wasn't running a fever that was my saving grace.  I figured if I had an infection again I would definitely have a fever.  My body was telling me no infection -- the pain wasn't that severe and I was hungry.  I decided it was probably inflamed.   And so on Monday night I started a clear liquid diet.

I stuck to it all day yesterday.  By bedtime I was starving -- but I wasn't going to give in.  Still no fever.  Sir Steve went out and got me more chicken broth.... and some crackers (I am gonna try adding crackers today) 

This morning my tummy feels a little bit better.  I am still starving .... but there's no fever and no pain.  I am going to do 3 days of clear liquids and some crackers and slowly add food back after that.  With any luck I will have beaten the inflammation without doctors and yucky meds.

AND I believe I will go back on the diet my doctor in Montreal put me on...... no nuts..no seeds...limited veggies etc.  I have to listen to my body and what may work for other folks may not be the answer for me.  I have no time to be sick now..... Sir Steve and I have years and years to make up for.... I WILL NOT BE SICK!  (fingers crossed) 

Can we make a difference?

For the most part I am non-political -- both here on my blog and in real life.  

Most of what I read about the current political situation in the States and by default here in Canada just makes me shake my head.  

This new tariff thing that has everyone up in arms was/is just a continuation of the hoopla surrounding Trump.  (Sometimes his understanding of history and Canada simply boggles my mind)

BUT this morning I read an interesting article in MacLean's magazine..... if you want to read it first hand you can find it HERE.......

I have written to the head offices of both Walmart Canada and the Hudson Bay Company.  OH I'm pretty sure that my emails will barely cause a blip in their day..... but then if every Canadian wrote to them -- every Canadian stopped shopping Trump brands and supporting Trump industries -- there might be a blip........... 

Shrug

Today I just really felt the need to be a little bit political................ because I am a PROUD CANADIAN....... and feel the need to stand up to Trump and his cronies alongside our Prime Minister and our government.

Perceptions

I have been feeling 'fat'...... and when that happens I HATE myself -- lose my confidence -- lose my incentive.

Perception is my biggest enemy.  I haven't weighed myself -- or measured myself... I just decided I was putting on weight.  It doesn't help that my summer shorts were feeling a wee bit tight... or that my Tshirts seemed to be 'fitting where they touched'.  

I was angry with myself.  I was discouraged.  I decided what did it matter?!

Then I thought about the wedding -- and the dress hanging in my closet.
I thought about how good I felt last summer -- confident -- in my shorts.
I thought about this feeling "fat" ........ 

So this morning I pushed the reset button -- time to get back on the calorie counting/exercising 
First step weigh myself.
I swear I closed my eyes -- I couldn't bare to see how much I had put on........ then I peaked -- then I opened my eyes wide.  I stepped off the scales and stepped back on..... cause geeeeez it had to be wrong........ 

BUT 

it wasn't -- I have actually lost another pound!

Perception is definitely a problem for me (and probably others).

Life is good when the reality is better than the perception. 

Public Service Message.

For those of you who live in Ontario........today is election day.  

Please go out and vote!!

Remember......................

 

The Adventures of a House Slave

Yesterday I had the house to clean and 4 racks of PORK ribs to cook.  (I HATE the smell of cooking pork!!)

The first set of ribs went in a 250degree oven for 4 hours.  I had my second cup of coffee then pulled out the dusters and mops and vacuum to get the house cleaned.

About 10 am I could smell the pork and gagged.  I just kept picturing how good they would taste slathered in barbeque sauce and grilled at the campsite.  

At 12 I pulled the first set of ribs out of the oven and put the second set in...... the cooked ribs were dripping pork fat ..... and making me gag even more.

It was right about this point that I wondered WHY I was cleaning the house while cooking pork.... the house was gonna smell like pork and not sweet and clean.... but I cleaned on.

Around 3:30 (house cleaned and the ribs almost ready to come out of the oven) I left the lil one watching her after school TV show and went to make scalloped potatoes to go with the ham that was going in the oven when the ribs came out (OH JOY -- great menu planning there -- more pork being roasted!)

I am (admittedly) mindlessly slicing potatoes when something distracted me even more than I was and the knife slid nicely through the tip of my thumb -- all the way through the nail......... blood spurted.  (OK maybe not spurted but spilled all over the counter) I grabbed a big wad of paper towels and wrapped it up ...... put some of my "magic medicine" on it to stop the bleeding and went outside to sit on the deck for a bit.

Came back in -- started slicing more potatoes but without the proper use of said thumb and managed to slice my ring finger............. (I think I should have stopped there)

I managed to get dinner on the table -- Sir Steve thought the house smelled 'divine' (He LOVES the smell of cooking pork!)

When I had pulled the ham out of the oven -- I saw all the rib fat congealing on the bottom of the oven.......... that would NOT do!  So after dinner I hit the self clean button and we all went out on the deck to do homework and chat.

When Sir Steve opened the door to go in - the smoke POURED out of the house -- along with the stench of burning pork fat!! We dashed around opening all the doors and windows and turning on fans.  The lil one wanted to know WHY S would make the house all smokey......and the dog kept sneezing and glaring at me ... (le sigh)  The worst was over after about an hour -- but the house stunk -- S T U N K -- of burned pork fat.

We left some of the windows open in the hopes that this morning things would smell better........ 

No such luck 

SO after everyone left for work and school ... the house slave had a brilliant idea!!  I'd put a big container of water and cinnamon in the microwave and simmer it until the house smelled of cinnamon instead of burned pork.  I went to work on wiping out the inside of the oven -- and cleaning up the brown stains from all the smoke off the nice white stove........ 

I was starting to smell the cinnamon -- ahhhhhhh relief!!  When the microwave stopped I thought I would run it again for another 20 minutes.  I popped open the microwave door to discover the cinnamon had spilled over the top of the container and the inside was awash with cinnamon water............ 

I am wondering if house slaves can get fired......................

Hard to Explain

I have been cooking racks and racks of ribs today and cleaning the house at the same time........ which means my mind is free to roam here and there -- think this and that ..... try and sort out my feelings.....make plans......



Every single day my mind is doing menu planning ...... either for here at the house -- or up at the campgrounds  (two very different sorts of meals) ..... and the reason why I am mass cooking racks of ribs and going to freeze them -- is so we can have them over the summer months.  I HATE menu planning.  You'd think after 40+ years of doing it it would be a snap.... that I would have menus at my finger tips..... but I don't.  It doesn't help that the last 3 years or so I only cooked for myself -- when I did cook / eat.  
Besides main menus I seem to always be baking -- cookies .. squares... breads.. muffins.. so there are sweets in the house.  It's healthier and cheaper than buying them.

Ideas for fun activities for the summer weeks we have the lil one are starting to percolate in the back of my mind too.......... things to help pass the days --- and what I need to buy to make my life easier during the long hours 'daddy' is at work.

I was thinking how for some reason IF I don't work at least 8 hours a day -- if I don't have a list of 'stuff' I did - I have somehow been lazy -- somehow failed ...... (grinning) it doesn't help that the lil one always asks when she gets off the bus at the end of her day -- 'so what did you do today ??' and when I tell her she either nods sagely or says "is that all?!"  (Some days I would like to snap at her -- 'how much have you seen your mother do -- EVER' but I don't ...... she's used to how I work )

On Sunday evening Sir Steve told me to tape our Sunday night shows as we were going to bed early.  Then he took a shower.  Inside I knew that if he took a shower he wanted a blow job..... But when it was time for bed I got 'silly' .... I was unsure about giving the blow job.  Back when we went through the stress induced dry spell -- blow jobs were hard on both of us.  As much as he enjoyed them they didn't produce the desired effect (if you follow my diplomatic explanation).  During that dry spell -- I started to want less -- to touch less - to not initiate -- not that I was ever a big initiator -    

Sooooooooo needless to say I was awkward and must have seemed very uncomfortable (at best) or unwilling (at worst) ........ when truthfully it was neither.  I have no reason to be stressing over sex anymore -- Sir Steve has more than proved the dry spell is over and he's back better than ever ........ While I was cleaning I had a light bulb moment...... my cautiousness ... my sensitivity to the 'issue' is no longer needed -- I can touch and caress and tease to my heart's content again......... in other words - put the past behind me and have some fun!

Ohhhhhhh and then I was thinking about the spankings ... do I really miss them?  or is that old days I miss???? the wild parties -- the energy that flowed...... and can we ever get those days back again??? I am not sure -- but they say 'you can't ever go home again'........ so I have my doubts.  so the next question I asked myself is -- do I NEED the spankings??? and nah I don't think so -- punishments or funishments or whatever you want to call them don't work in our relationship...... I am not the brat that everyone thought/thinks I am......... 

I think I have a relationship that combines BDSM in the best possible way.  We are equals -- sharing ...... and yet Sir Steve is in charge.  He will make sure that the best decisions are made for all of us.  I serve him - not on my knees naked like in the fictional books -- but standing tall proudly....... cooking and cleaning and yeah ....... doing the dreaded menu planning.

One Year

We decided (well it was probably more me than Sir Steve) that June 1st would be our official anniversary.

It made sense to me -- we had a lot of "firsts" since Sept 2016 when he contacted me on Facebook......... BUT June 1st 2017 was when I officially packed up and moved to live with him.

We had a wonderful Anniversary weekend at the campsite -- steak and shrimp and wine for dinner on Friday night -- lots of good sex -- lots of quiet times by the fire and snuggling time.  Sir Steve even told me he was so proud to call me his girlfriend. (which made my heart swell)

But I wonder ya know ......... cause I'm like that over thinking the simplest things .... if he even thought in terms of 'anniversaries'.  We've settled into a routine -- a comfortable routine....which is what happens - right?? when you're together for any length of time......... 

 there's no spankings anymore......... there just never seems to be time or privacy enough for spankings...... for my feeling his control over my body.... for my masochist getting what she needs...... and I wonder how the Sadistic side of Sir Steve feels -- maybe it doesn't miss the spankings or does the normalcy of our relationship just not leave any time or space for them........... 

AND the first year was no walk in the park -- the stress of the custody -- the stress of adjusting for all of us -- last summer's unbelievable stress at the campgrounds feeling like we were always being watched and tested... All of that seems to have settled down -- life is better......... 

So now we embark on the second year together -- what it holds for us is anyone's guess -- but I am willing to bet it will hold lots of loving -- and more adjusting -- and compromise....... and establishing what this life together looks like, feels like, and IS for us.

Life is good when love comes first. 

 

Sunday Sentiments

Ghost?

Thursday was the worst day and the best day.

The clinic I took Miss Ashes to was the very best in my humble opinion.  They put us in a room that had dim lighting and a picture of a stone bridge in the mist.  The examining table had a thick foam mat and a snuggly woolly blanket on it.   The vet came in and gave Miss Ashes a mild sedative to help her relax.  I wrapped her in the blanket and held her close to my chest.  Just like when she was a kitten she snuggled her face between my breasts and purred very softly.  They left us to say our goodbyes.

For the first time in months Miss Ashes seemed relaxed.  I  hadn't realized how stiff she had been holding herself.  It made me cry.  Just before the vet came back I whispered in her ear "Now don't you pick on your brother!"  and "I love you so very much".

The needle went in....... and in less than a minute Miss Ashes was gone.  They told me to take as much time as I needed and quietly left us alone.  When I was ready to go -- a tech came in and promised me she wouldn't be left alone and immediately scooped her up in her arms and cradled her body gently still wrapped in the snuggly blanket.

That is the image in my mind -- Miss Ashes wrapped up in the blanket cradled in the tech's arms. 

Thursday night was hard..... we both missed her strutting up the middle of the bed for her loves from Sir Steve.... I missed her plunking down beside me and purring as I fell asleep.  I woke up a few times reaching out for her.......... 

Friday morning I was busy getting stuff ready to come up to the trailer.  Every so often I swear I heard her lil bell jingling.  Twice when I was in the kitchen working around the stove (where her dinner was served) I was sidestepping her........ her ghost.

When I brought the suitcase out to pack it....... I waited for her to jump in and make herself comfortable..........

When I closed and locked the door to leave -- I realized I didn't have to worry about her anymore....... she is (hopefully) happy and contented and out of pain..... watching me still.