The big shopping spree

We're back from our 'bus man's holiday'.  Long trip -- 6 hours west past Toronto 
(for those of you who don't know Toronto -- it's a HUGE city with 6 lanes of highway running both ways -- and those 6 lanes often look like a parking lot)

Friday was a glorious day weather wise.  Sir Steve got working on the kitchen tile work for his parents and his mother and I headed off on a shopping trip.  (Have I ever mentioned how much I HATE shopping???!)

After a morning of shopping Sir Steve's mother and I had a quick lunch with the men then she and I went out on the back deck and she was fuming about what we would do for the afternoon.  I took a big breath (cause I wasn't that comfortable bringing it up) and reminded her how she was always saying 'we' should go to a sex shop.

She really did surprise me / shock me when she answered "let's do it!  I know of 2 here ".  OK so I thought I was calling her bluff and turned out she called mine.  So we headed off to do more shopping.

As we were pulling into a parking lot of a strip mall I spotted one of the 2 sex shops.  It was called Stag Shop.  I figured from the name it would cater to males.  As I wanted to pick up a vibrating cock ring for Sir Steve I planned to drag the mother into that one first.  She had been talking about one called 'The Love Shop' ....... and that was where she wanted to go.

BUT
before we could head off to the Stag Shop she dilly dallied in the grocery store 3 doors down from the sex shop.  (grinning)  When she couldn't stall any longer I convinced her we would try the Stag shop first.  On the door was a notice that for the weekend there was no tax....... AND (grinning even more) they gave a 20% discount to seniors.  

When we entered I have to admit all my preconceived notions evaporated immediately.  It was a lovely shop.  Discrete (well as discrete as any sex shop can be) With a wall full of different dildos and vibrators.  The mother looked stunned.  She just stood looking at the wall.  

A young sales girl came over to serve us.  I told her what we were looking for -- a vibrator for a 'beginner'.  (in fact so much of a beginner the mother had confided in me she had NEVER masturbated and NEVER had an orgasm!  How could I not help out??!!)

The mother was just looking up and down the wall -- not saying much.  So I decided to give her some time I would ask about vibrating cock rings.  We walked half way down the shop and into an aisle where the cock rings were.  The salesgirl pulled one off the rack to show me.  My immediate reaction was 'it won't fit'.  The salesgirl said 'well you have to use lube and it stretches'.  But I got caught in that trap once before... so I asked how much does it stretch.  The salesgirl was opening the package when I noticed the mother was standing in the aisle right behind us and she was paying close attention to what we were doing. (grinning)

This is the size of the cock ring............... 

any wonder I questioned how big it would stretch?!

 The salesgirl stretched it out -- and said "I'm pretty sure this will fit".  

Yup that should do the job quite nicely!!!

One item purchased......... now back to the mother.

The salesgirl suggested a video on "How to masturbate"........ and the mother thought that might be a good idea - so it was added to the shopping basket.

Then the salesgirl pulled down a nice little clit vibrator.... a soft jelly one.  She was explaining /extolling it's virtues and I think the mother was listening.  Then the mother asked how much....... and when she heard $50 she nearly swallowed her back teeth.  She wanted to know if they had any cheaper ones...... and what about a bullet vibrator (I think she may have been doing some research).  When the bullet was brought out -- I pointed out to the mother she might not find it the best.  It was metal and hard and from experience I found them quite irritating.  The salesgirl (god bless her patience) had been rummaging around and found another jelly clit vibrator for $35 ...... and she had a sale!!  The mother was convinced to buy a small bottle of lube and a small bottle of toy cleaner and we were done. 

In the car going home she was like a kid with a new toy -- excited and bouncing around.  I asked if she was gonna watch the video with her husband -- HELL NO was her response.... in fact she added she wasn't even gonna mention it to him.  Then she changed her mind and said she might watch it and make it obvious with moans etc and see if he came to check it out.  Then she thought she might just tell him and see if he was interested in getting involved.

When we got home I of course told Sir Steve about the shopping spree and the purchases.  He got this cheeky grin on his face ........ I told him to behave.  After dinner his parents asked what we wanted to do...... the mother asked if we wanted to watch some television......... wait for it........................ 


Sir Steve asked her if she had any good videos to watch!!

Saturday Sir Steve got the tile work finished -- I unfortunately had an old health issue raise it's ugly head so I spent most of the day in and out of bed -- feeling like death warmed over.

Sunday we loaded up the car -- said our goodbyes and left them to -- what I hope will be - a new start for their marriage -- and an 'exciting' time.

Sunday Sentiments

Saturday Musings

Spring has Sprung.....

It's not very green around here -- YET

The flowers aren't quite blooming -- YET

But the temperatures have actually risen to double digits....... YAY!!

On Tuesday Sir Steve and I sat outside on the front deck and watched the lil one using her sidewalk chalk -- turning the drab sidewalk into a compilation of bright spring colours......... 

Spring has arrived when kids burst out of their homes with bikes and skipping ropes and sidewalk chalk.......  


AND that is a  very good thing - especially after a long winter.

Busman's holiday

We're off on a bit of working holiday today.  Sir Steve's parents need some tile work down in their house... the lil one has no school tomorrow so is with her mom till Monday....... so we're heading west to visit with them -- the guys will do some work and we girls will do some shopping.

Sir Steve's mom has never been to a sex shop -- never owned a vibrator -- and has been hinting almost since I met her that she would like to (at the very least) window shop.  

(wicked grin)

So I am thinking I may just call her bluff and on our shopping trip see if there's a sex shop we can pop into.......... I'll let you know how well that goes.  

OH 
and I do have some little tidbits scheduled to come up every day we're away........ cause I wouldn't want you missing me too much (bratty grin)

I'll be back on Monday with a full report of our weekend away 

What a Difference a Day Makes....

Things are starting to look up around here....... 

Sir Steve went to see a job counselor on Monday..... on Tuesday at 7:00 a.m. he gave a neighbour a copy of his resume .... at 8:15 he got a phone call from the company ... at 9:00 a.m. he had a job interview.... at 9:30 he had a job and starts on Monday morning!!


I've always believed 99% of jobs are a matter of being at the right place at the right time.  It just so happened the job Sir Steve got was vacant and they needed someone immediately.   It certainly didn't hurt that a neighbour who works there recommended him.  The stars were aligned and everything fell into place and just like that things are starting to look up.

We're making plans again.

We're laughing again.

The stress/anxiety is virtually gone.

Just like that (insert snap of fingers)

 
 

It was the worst of times..... it was the best of times

I had an emotional meltdown over the weekend........ a pretty major one.

Sir Steve has been waiting and waiting and waiting for responses to quotes he put out for work.  I had a bad feeling about one of the two.  My gut told me the guy really can't afford the work that needs to be done.  The best chance of the two quotes still hasn't panned out.  Sir Steve has followed up -- but they are still deciding.  It's another BIG job with BIG $$ attached to it.

And so the pressure started to build as the month of April was coming to an end.  No money coming in ..... and no money insight.

By Saturday I was so anxious and stressed I couldn't hold it together anymore. It all came spilling out -- I begged him to go find steady work -- something that would guarantee a pay cheque every two weeks -- at least until his business started bringing in some money. Sir Steve took me on a road trip to visit with my eldest daughter.  Her job is marketing.   She has a helluva lot more experience than I do in that field. 

Even the visit with eldest daughter didn't ease my anxiety.

Every time Sir Steve tried to talk to me all I could do was cry.  

By Sunday night I realized even when he was working with / for the contractor I was anxious.  The contractor never paid on any schedule.  We never knew when one job finished if there would be another.  The contractor had no sense of 'time off' - he would text at 6 in the morning or 9 at night.  He would text on weekends.  AND he got bent out of shape when Sir Steve needed to leave work to go to court -- or refused to work 12 to 14 hour days because he wanted to spend time with his daughter.

It was like everything built up inside of me ... and it all exploded out over the weekend.  

Despite the meltdown -- we got all the stuff moved out of my apartment into Sir Steve's house. (I still need to sort through boxes that were thrown in the basement) BUT all my stuff is now here.

Today I am exhausted - mentally and physically.  Sometime over the weekend Sir Steve wrapped his arms around me and promised me he would go to the employment agency on Monday morning and start finding work....... somewhere anywhere.... so there's a pay cheque coming in regularly.  Sir Steve has never broken a promise to me... not once.  So this morning he got up -- got cleaned up and dressed and has gone to the employment agency.

I told him I don't want him to give up his dreams of building his home renovation business...... I told him I am more than willing to take more responsibility for the lil one .. that I don't even mind if he works on weekends.  I will support whatever it takes for however long it takes to see if his business can get off the ground.  Just please let's have a steady income to cover bills.

I believe the love we have for each other will get us through this tough time.  I believe we are both willing to compromise and work together to make a much better life for us -- as a family -- and as a couple.

And that is a very good thing!

FFF

Wellllllllll no change on the scales this week....... Sir Steve (being my cheering section) said "well it didn't go up" !  And he's right -- it didn't.  And I am trying not to be too hard on myself.

Cause I know it's my fault the scale didn't move -- had a lazy week -- not much walking -- not much sorting and organising -- not much of anything.  I'm moving into the desperation stage.... the one where my head tells me I can't do this -- I will fail, I always do -- what's the point?  I am teetering ya know........... 

Traditional Roles??

The other evening Sir Steve and I were watching television -- the lil one was playing happily in her room -- having a Teddy Bear Picnic actually.

All of a sudden we heard her screech my name "S***** THERE'S A SPIDER IN MY ROOM!!"  Just for your reference -- I am not a fan of spiders.  But having raised two daughters who were terrified of them I learned the art of grabbing a kleenix and scooping up the offending spider and flushing it. 

So when the lil one screeched for me to come and take care of her spider I did the same thing -- grabbed a kleenix -- scooped up the spider and flushed it.  She went back to happily playing with her teddy bears.

A few nights later -- the lil one wandered out to us with a bracelet in her hand.  "Daddy can you put my bracelet on please?" ........... and he did.

I sat there dumb founded.  

And then I started to giggle.

Talk about non-traditional roles -- *I* get to do the scary dirty work of disposing of spiders ......... and *Daddy* gets to play with jewelry.......... 

Life is good when the traditional roles change



(BUT -- does that mean she sees me as 'tougher' than Sir Steve?? - cheeky grin -- maybe the lil one will get him to wear a tiara for the next Teddy Bears Picnic!  -- cheekier grin)

Plotting and Scheming

                            ME

We have a loose nightly routine...... we take the dog out for her last pee of the night... then Sir Steve takes her to her room ... takes his pills ... shuts off the lights ... checks the doors are locked... and then heads to the bedroom

*I* take my nightly pills -- have my last pee of the night and then head to the bedroom where I pull the covers down -- fluff the pillows -- turn the lamp on by his side of the bed ... and then I strip and climb into bed and wait for HIM to join me. 

Once in a blue moon Sir Steve beats me into bed and lies there watching me strip and climb into bed.  It always makes me 'uncomfortable' for some reason....... and my mind tends to go "BUT BUT BUT I'm supposed to be in bed first!"

 

Him

WELL

the other night Sir Steve beat me into bed....... I got uncomfortable -- and therefore a bit bratty.  I told him he wasn't allowed to beat me into bed!!  (You could see the wheels turning in his head )

AND

the next night -- he beat me into bed again!!  and my brain went "Right Game On!"

SO

last night I matter of factly wandered into the kitchen (during the last 5 minutes of the show we were watching) and took my pills -- then nonchalantly wandered into the bathroom and had my night time pee.  Then I went back and sat down to watch the last few minutes of the show.  

We got up to take the dog out -- but Sir Steve was taking F O R E V E R  to join me outside - so I opened the door to see him stripping off his tshirt before putting on his coat.  I started laughing -- accused him of cheating!  

My brain started to work overtime... he had a head start --- quick quick what can I do to get the advantage back.......... 

Sir Steve and the dog came out -- I had a plan!!  After no more than 3 minutes outside I begged cold and headed back inside.  Sir Steve called the dog and I had to quickly alter my plan....... I was stripping off my coat and boots while I let the dog in......... BUT as soon as the dog was in ... while Sir Steve was hanging her rope up outside... I slammed the door shut and locked it!

YAY ME!!  I had the advantage!!  YAY ME!!

that is ...... until I heard Sir Steve using his key to unlock the door!! Who knew he had his bloody house keys with him??!!!

By this point I am giggling SO hard 

I turned and dashed for the bedroom......... I was trying to strip my clothes off as fast as I could as Sir Steve came dashing into the bedroom kicking his jeans off!!!  He literally dove onto the bed trying to get his socks and underwear off at the same time.  I am doubled over in my lil corner -- still trying to get my turtle neck off -- but laughing so hard I can hardly breath never mind strip.... 

I turned around to see my Sir Steve -- in his most "domly dom-ness" spread eagle on the bed -- virtually naked -- kicking his feet frantically to get his underwear off -- all the while holding down the blankets so I can't slide into bed!!!

By the time we both got under the covers our bellies ached from laughing.  I couldn't help but think if anyone could have seen us pulling these antics they would have thought we were lunatics.  

Life is good when you're not too 'adult' to have a silly moment or two!



 
 

April Showers ?!

What a weekend!!  They forecasted snow and freezing rain all weekend -- the snow wasn't half as bad as they predicted -- but the freezing rain ??!!  Yeah let's just say it's Monday and we've still got freezing rain.......... and it's April 16th for goodness sakes!!  

We didn't waste the wee bit of tolerable weather we had this weekend -- heading out to the home and recreation show Saturday morning.  We checked out all the new camping trailers (some of them are GORGEOUS!) and wandered around the inside of the exhibition hall checking out all the hot tubs and roofing and paving booths....... 

I had taken pictures of furniture I wanted to sell from the apartment  -- stuff that just won't fit in here -- and seriously I don't want to move it one more time.  I put it up on the local 'Buy and Sell' page on Facebook -- and spent Saturday night and Sunday answering message after message!!  I have sold virtually everything!!  One item was picked up Saturday afternoon -- and the rest is going today (if the freezing rain doesn't put people off) and tomorrow.

On Sunday I did the 50's good wife thing -- made a roast of lamb and peach crumble for Sunday dinner.  Lamb is a bit of a treat around here as the cost is almost prohibitive.  It was SO damn good!!  Even the peach crumble (which I've never made before) was delicious.

on the way to the oven..........

 and on to the plate...

No play this weekend -- my body is still sporting the stripes from the knife play last weekend -- and I think the stress levels around here are higher than normal.... though we're not talking about it -- it's like the elephant in the room (but truthfully that could just be me) 

Hopefully we won't have to do 'day 97 of January' and Spring might actually arrive soon..........

Sunday Sentiments

This is dedicated to someone who once was a friend -- but who dropped me because she accused me of lying by omission....... 
 

 

FFF

All my life I have struggled with my weight --- I have had an eating disorder for most of my adult life.  But basically I couldn't seem to grasp the workings of losing weight. 

I always thought one had to diet.  I remember exercising with  Richard Simmons  -- do any of you remember him??

And I remember him saying something along the lines of the reason no one can diet is because the word D I E is what makes up the word diet -- and everyone feels like they are dying when they diet.

I always believed the only way to get the weight down was to live on boring foods -- and in my humble opinion 'starve' myself. 

It only took 40 years or so for my brain to understand that I could eat anything I wanted as long as the calorie intake was smaller then the calorie burn off.  DUH!  I know -- everyone always knew that right?!  But when I fully embraced that theory -- and realized that I could eat what everyone else was eating JUST keeping it under 1200 calories a day -- the weight would come off.

No more crash diets -- no more binging when the diet depressed me.  Now I could eat any damn thing I wanted.... though it might mean I had to get off my ass and put in more 'steps' 

It really isn't a diet -- it IS a life style.  Just like everyone preached all those years when I wasn't listening.

So this week has been a good week of steps and sweating off the calories because I have been busy packing boxes and unpacking boxes ........ AND it paid off -- I am down one more pound this week -- YAY me!!

Melding

After the slice and dice weekend I haven't had too much energy........ 

BUT with Sir Steve not working right now (he is doing quotes though -- so good thoughts on those quotes would be most welcome!)  we have been moving boxes/furniture from my lil apartment to his house.

It's all starting to come together ...... weaving two complete houses into one isn't all that easy.  But physically it is working.

Mentally?? it's a bit of a different story.

I fuss over 'my' sofa.  I fuss that 'my' pictures may not be Sir Steve's taste.  And I still tend to call it "his" house.  

Hopefully with time the brain will see it as "OUR" everything -- from the dishes to the furniture to the pictures.... to the building ....... 

This adjustment isn't easy on any of us -- but it's well worth it....to be settled into one home together...... to love and live together as a 'family' with much love.

Slice 'n Dice

(warning -- does include some graphic information/pictures)
 

The Sadist came out to play on Saturday night.  The knives were lined up nicely along the edge of the bed... he was very polite and asked 'if I WANTED to come play'??!!  

It had been a long week -- a stressful week -- and I was feeling separated from Sir Steve (which is difficult to explain -- but when too much vanilla seeps into our relationship it is hard to find the masochist mind set - the subbie mind set  and the knives generally help)

I slipped out of my clothes and laid on the bed -- giggling - mostly from nerves -- and wondering if I would get 'there'... to the mindset.

Sir Steve started off slowly sensually with the knives -- but I was (he says) whimpering and making a nonsense.  So he increased the intensity almost immediately.  

And the endorphins started flowing almost immediately -- it hurt -- it burned -- I yelped and Sir Steve just grinned.  (I did say he's a Sadist right??) 

I knew he used a range of knives -- I knew he was 'drawing' pretty patterns on my body -- I knew he was way into his own head.  An image flashed through my mind -- I was only a hunk of beef being sliced and diced by his knives.

When we were done he told me to lie still and he took pictures of my body.......... 

On Sunday I was quiet -- my legs hurt -- my back burned.   My mind set wasn't the best and I knew what I dearly needed was to have some creams massaged gently into my body -- and to make sweet gentle love with Sir Steve.

Sir Steve gently massaged some soothing coconut oil into my body and it helped to cool the burning.  He took some pictures of the 'day after'... including the sliced legs.

Sunday night we made love -- my mind was in a weird place and for some reason I felt shy and awkward.

Today the back doesn't burn -- the cuts on my legs are healing -- and life has shifted back to way too much vanilla............ 

But all is good when you can slip in some slice 'n dice

 

Sunday Sentiments

FFF

When I stepped on the scales this morning I was prepared to cry.......

I am an emotional eater...... when things aren't going well -- when I am depressed -- or stressed - hell even if I'm happy -- I want to eat -- and not the good stuff.  I want cake and more cake and candy and chips........ GAH!!!

I have worked really hard at avoiding the sweets this week -- and there are no chips in the house.  BUT there have been homemade peanut butter cookies, double chocolate cookies.. ohhhhhh yeah and brown sugar cookies!!   Then there was the stress of no work contracts ........ and my moving here to Sir Steve's (I HATE moving -- the disruption -- the boxes -- the mess)

I thought I had failed this week -- I have nibbled on some of the cookies -- and I have spent a few days hiding in the corner of the sofa overwhelmed by everything....instead of walking/working burning off calories. 

BUT

when I got on the scale this morning I have actually lost one whole pound!!!  YAY me!!   

And now I am renewed and more determined to work off those 9 leftover pounds!!

Memories

One year ago yesterday Sir Steve shared the following on my facebook wall.  When I read it yesterday it made me smile -- cause ya know what?  That is exactly what we both have ....... and it IS perfect -- and that is a very good thing!

Another Block

I have been struggling.  Honestly I thought I had healed all the damage from the past.  BUT it would seem there are still some areas that need work.

Sir Steve's business took a sharp and quick down turn.  He has run out of contracts.  He hasn't been working for the last 2 weeks.

AND yes I know this happens when you own your own business -- when you are starting your own business.  

But my stomach is in knots.  There are bills to pay .... and dreams to live.  The dreams can easily be put on hold...... the bills not so much.

I told him in an emotional outburst how I was feeling.  He soothed me and told me it was gonna be ok.  I fussed over his being ok.  He reassured me he was ok.  He believes things will pick up again quite quickly.  I am stressing over this -- cause I don't think he's telling me the truth.  I think he's telling me what I want to hear.  I think he is worrying and not telling me.

Cause ya see -- in the past I was always the last to know.......... 
(and yeah it wasn't the same thing at all !!  BUT I still believe everyone is keeping secrets from me)

I thought I had beaten my 'trust issues' I really did.  AND I know if he was sitting here right now he would say "What is my name??!!"  but honestly it wouldn't help ....... 

What will help is another contract -- work -- and money coming in........... 

and just maybe it would help if I learned to fully and completely trust him and what he tells me........... (thanks to all who came before for stealing my trust) 

Party Hardy

Recuperate - to recover - to bounce back - to ameliorate - to survive!

Thursday we drove to Montreal to run some messages.

Friday we had eldest daughter and fiance for dinner.

Saturday we drove 1 1/2 hours to a demo/pot luck dinner/ play party and 1 1/2 hours home again.

Sunday morning we were back in the car driving to Montreal to have an Easter Brunch with the family.

Monday -- well Monday our world kinda tilted and spun off course.  Now we're trying to pull up our socks -- and get back on track.


It was a GREAT weekend though -- I may have had a wee bit too much to drink (for me) and my ass may have been beaten too much (NAH that's a lie!)  but I still have bruises and tender spots today (see me grinning?!) 

As for the rest of the crap............. 

 

Sunday Sentiments