It was the worst of times..... it was the best of times

I had an emotional meltdown over the weekend........ a pretty major one.

Sir Steve has been waiting and waiting and waiting for responses to quotes he put out for work.  I had a bad feeling about one of the two.  My gut told me the guy really can't afford the work that needs to be done.  The best chance of the two quotes still hasn't panned out.  Sir Steve has followed up -- but they are still deciding.  It's another BIG job with BIG $$ attached to it.

And so the pressure started to build as the month of April was coming to an end.  No money coming in ..... and no money insight.

By Saturday I was so anxious and stressed I couldn't hold it together anymore. It all came spilling out -- I begged him to go find steady work -- something that would guarantee a pay cheque every two weeks -- at least until his business started bringing in some money. Sir Steve took me on a road trip to visit with my eldest daughter.  Her job is marketing.   She has a helluva lot more experience than I do in that field. 

Even the visit with eldest daughter didn't ease my anxiety.

Every time Sir Steve tried to talk to me all I could do was cry.  

By Sunday night I realized even when he was working with / for the contractor I was anxious.  The contractor never paid on any schedule.  We never knew when one job finished if there would be another.  The contractor had no sense of 'time off' - he would text at 6 in the morning or 9 at night.  He would text on weekends.  AND he got bent out of shape when Sir Steve needed to leave work to go to court -- or refused to work 12 to 14 hour days because he wanted to spend time with his daughter.

It was like everything built up inside of me ... and it all exploded out over the weekend.  

Despite the meltdown -- we got all the stuff moved out of my apartment into Sir Steve's house. (I still need to sort through boxes that were thrown in the basement) BUT all my stuff is now here.

Today I am exhausted - mentally and physically.  Sometime over the weekend Sir Steve wrapped his arms around me and promised me he would go to the employment agency on Monday morning and start finding work....... somewhere anywhere.... so there's a pay cheque coming in regularly.  Sir Steve has never broken a promise to me... not once.  So this morning he got up -- got cleaned up and dressed and has gone to the employment agency.

I told him I don't want him to give up his dreams of building his home renovation business...... I told him I am more than willing to take more responsibility for the lil one .. that I don't even mind if he works on weekends.  I will support whatever it takes for however long it takes to see if his business can get off the ground.  Just please let's have a steady income to cover bills.

I believe the love we have for each other will get us through this tough time.  I believe we are both willing to compromise and work together to make a much better life for us -- as a family -- and as a couple.

And that is a very good thing!