R.,A.S.H.

It's 4 in the morning and I can't sleep.  Sometimes my mind and body goes where it wants - deep and dark - this is one of those times.

 R.A.S.H.
know what it means??? It's certainly not SSC or RACK or whatever the latest acronym is to try and explain away what it is we do.

No - R.A.S.H. means  Risk Aware Shit Happens

I like that one!  After 30 years plus of playing - and playing hard - I have had more than a few incidents of Shit Happens. and mostly I take full responsibility for it.  I knew the risks going in........ I am not saying "my fault" I am just saying "shit happens"

I have noticed over the last couple of months - that my ass specifically - is showing the signs of playing hard.  I have marks - marks that aren't disappearing... I am assuming they are permanent and they bother me just a little bit.  It's one thing to have bruising to proudly display - it's quite another to have marks that decorate the skin forever.  These scars are reminders not of how much I took - but how foolish I was.  And it's never fun to be reminded that you were foolish.

I've got another Shit Happens to add to the list.

Sub drop.

I have always been this "tough old bird" - I don't need or want after care I say - I will take care of it on my own.  I do not like pillow fluffing - or coddling.  I will do this on my own thank you very much!!

But ya know - sometimes when it hurts so deep - and nothing helps - when you apply all the creams and lotions that are on the market to take away the hurts.. and they don't work .. and your voices in your head start talking to you ... and the self doubts come bubbling to the surface...... THEN it would be nice to be held and stroked a little bit.. to know you made them proud...and if they could they would take away the pain - both the physical and the mental.

Sometimes - just some times - it's hard to be the "tough old bird" who can take care of herself.