BDSM and Baking??

For many years I was an only child.  and I didn't exactly collect friends.  What I did learn was how to amuse myself.  How to play endless games of solitaire.  And read piles and piles of books.  And take pictures with my little Kodak brownie.  And to go for long long bike rides by myself.  And I learned to fantasize - to create this whole imaginary world where life was so much more interesting than real life.

Which probably explains why - as an adult - I have never had trouble living on my own - being by myself.  There was always solitaire and books and long drives down some highway (the bike long since put out to pasture)

Yesterday Hil left a comment on my baking blog saying "BDSM and baking........"  I had to go read the entry again.  I had written about BDSM???? no I hadn't.  I haven't written about BDSM in so long - some days I think I should take down the age appropriate label on the header. 

But this morning - running Hil's comment over again in my mind - I thought what I have with W IS BDSM - well D/s.  I serve him.  pointe finale.  BDSM doesn't have to be about beatings and face fucking and ropes or pain/sex in any form.  

I am getting pretty damn good at serving W - without any orders or tasks or chore lists.  I am pretty damn good at solitary activities.  and I guess most service subbie activities are pretty solitary.

The hardest part is staying grounded/centered - and sometimes (ok ok more times than I like) I can get 'lippy' and just a tad disrespectful - but the serving is always done.  The rest can become a work in progress.............. 

For now - I am just proud of the service subbie I have become...........

Service Sub

It seems to me that when submissives talk about being a "service" sub they have these glamorous images of serving him coffee on their knees - blow jobs - hot maid outfits and never really getting dirty.  (who would want to get a french's maid outfit dirty that probably cost more than a week's wages?!)

It seems to me that a lot of the images that come to mind when we think/ discuss D/s relationships - involve hot images of sexy activities.

 The truth of the matter is a 'good' service submissive is not glamorous or even that sexy.  It involves rubber gloves - not pretty latex gloves - but ugly bright yellow rubber gloves that our mothers used.  It involves hot water and cleaning fluids and scrubbing floors that are really dirty and need to be really cleaned.

Service involves making meals he wants to eat when you aren't hungry or don't really like what he wants for dinner.  It means watching one more television show that you can't stand,  It means washing his dirty clothes and folding them and putting them away so he doesn't have to think about it and probably won't even notice.

Service doesn't involve Masters standing with their hands on their hips watching your every move - with a whip dangling over their shoulder....threatening a good beating if you miss a fleck of dust.  The reality - the truth - is you clean and cook and take care of him because deep down inside you have a burning need to do it.

And if at the end of the day - he finds a whip or flogger and you get your ass beat - or you have mind blowing orgasms - it probably has nothing to do with the service  - but more with his needs.

So make sure - before you sign up for a "service subbie" position that you can see past the fantasy and into the reality - and do it for the internal pleasure it gives you to make His life easier.

     

Sunny Day

Was a sunny day
Not a cloud was in the sky
Not a negative word was heard
From the peoples passing by
Was a sunny day
All the birdies in the trees
And the radio’s singing song
All the favorite melodies

Paul Simon

 Yes today is indeed a "sunny day".  And it came about because of a spanking.... yup a spanking!!  weird eh??? 

Well I find it weird.  I was thinking yesterday afternoon - after the spanking and 2 orgasms - how weird it was.  How a spanking can change my mindset drastically.

First I had worked hard to trash the feelings of not being a good subbie - over the dinner episode - by myself - and I had done a good job.  And I had  that warm glow that comes from serving W and knowing my place.

BUT

add a spanking and it's as though my position as W's submissive is re-affirmed.  It's as though a spanking  re-affirms that W sees me as his submissive.  It's not me myself and I doing this - but it is a combined effort - the two of us. 

shrug - ok - it probably all sounds a bit weird - I admit it - but weird or not - it gives me warm fuzzies and an "all's right with the world" kind of feeling.   

Weekly - biweekly -  hell daily spankings sound like a GREAT idea to me.. keep me grounded - keep me in my place - keep the sun shining and no clouds in the sky !! 

Fine tuning

When I came to Kingston 3 weeks ago - W met me with a hug, a kiss, and a permanent collar.  It was very tempting to put the collar back around my neck where I felt it belonged - no - more than that - where I desperately wanted it.  But something stopped me.  I asked if we could stick to the schedule of 3 months.

You see - before I came up here permanently - W and I had been working on a contract - both legal (a necessity for the Ontario government) and private - a BDSM contract.  It was my request that I be collared within 3 months of arriving here. Something made me insist on a waiting period.  I hadn't thought about it - the number just popped into my head and after the fact it seemed like a good idea.

I figured 3 months would give us both time to adjust - to work out the kinks (so to speak) and meld together as more than a couple - but as a Dominant / submissive couple.

We had always agreed that if the BDSM part of our relationship didn't work out - we would still live together as friends/roommates.

I have been quiet this week - here on The Journey - because I have had some internal struggles this week.  I don't know where they came from - or why.  But there they were - again.  And again - believe it or not - it was over food.

Ok maybe not food per say - but - damn I am not even sure I can explain it ............ 

I had noticed that W was coming to help more and more in the kitchen at meal times.  It started off with W just making his own breakfast - which is FINE with me - as we have discussed in the past - I am not the brightest star in the early morning - or the most cheerful / graceful submissive.  But W had started coming into the kitchen at lunch time - making his own sandwich while I made my lunch.  At first I was shocked and a little bit upset.......... then I did a shoulder shrug and figured fine if he wants to make his own sandwich - it's no skin off my nose.

But then - Monday night.  W had said at noon he would probably have left over pizza for supper.  I did some quick calculations and figured I could have a toasted bagel or something.  But then around dinner time W announced he wouldn't have the pizza - that he thought he might cook up a hamburger - or some noodles or something.  

I know some of you may not get this.......... but I felt as though He had torn the "consideration" collar right off my neck.  IF I now wasn't going to even make his dinners for him.......... what was I gonna do for him??? How much of a submissive was I if I wasn't even making his meals?!!

I cried - my heart was broken.  I managed to twist his making one supper around to mean he didn't want me as his submissive.  I cried because the dream I had to live 24/7 with him was disappearing in a puff of smoke.  I didn't know what to do - I didn't know what I had done!  (cause ya know I must have done something!)  I thought he liked my cooking - I thought I was a reasonably good cook - I thought my making meals and cleaning up made his life easier - and if it wasn't - then what was the point of me being here??

Then  Tuesday we worked together on the guest room - finding space for some of the leftover "what do we do with this" stuff.  I then cleaned the upstairs - dusting vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom.   And once again life felt as though it was running along smoothly.

Then I decided it was time for me to take some control of the kitchen,  buy ingredients I need to make dinners, make menus.  

AND then I decided each morning to suggest to W what I had planned to cook for dinner.  So yesterday I took off by myself and went to the grocery store with a long list of stuff I needed for "my" kitchen.  Now I am ready to whip up interesting meals for W... last night for example we had barbequed chicken breasts and potatoe salad (W loves potatoe salad!)

God only knows why I thought W didn't want me as his subbie over one dinner - or why I wasn't good enough to be his sub ............. but some fine tuning on my part - and we seem to be back on track.
 

Just doing some thinkin'

Last night I was reading some blogs and popped into kaya's blog where she was discussing a chicken pot pie she made. Right towards the end she mentioned that He Himself thought it was good enough to put into the menu rotation.  

That got me thinking... well remembering actually.  When I was a young working mother I used to have a menu schedule - complete with shopping list/ingredients.  When I stuck to the "rotation" life ran very smoothly... I didn't have to "think" about what to make for dinner - the decision had already been made.

That got me thinking about how - since I have been living alone - I eat whatever is on hand.. there isn't any real planning - and a lot of the time I will have a bowl of soup or a sandwich for dinner.   Pasta is another big favourite cause it is easy to throw together.  

And then I got thinking about when I move to Kingston - how I would like to be organised and have a "menu rotation" and  how I will once again enjoy making meals - cause I will have someone to make them for........... meat loaf - chicken pot pie - roasts - casseroles

And then I got thinking about how everyone used to say (way back when ) that I was a good cook - but messy......... very messy.   

I am looking forward to menu planning / shopping for all the ingredients - maybe not the cleaning up afterwards - thank god for dishwashers!!  (mumbling - and W said I didn't need a dishwasher!).

Sadist

As you all know by now... or should... I am a masochist. I enjoy playing with Sadists. BUT unfortunately Sadists are few and far between (despite what other well meaning sadists tell me)

In my experience a sadist picks up some toy or other - a crop or a flogger or a whip... and enjoys themself beating my ass. I on the other hand rather enjoy having my ass beaten.

And as you all know .. I have been on a little sabbatical from play parties......for a number of valid reasons.

However I am going to a party this weekend. And I am looking forward to it.

Then I got an email message that said simply "Do you trust me?"
To which I responded with a simple "Yes I trust you"
Then I got another email message that said " Prepare to suffer my way - sadistic smile"

"my way"?? what the devil does that mean???

So for the last week or so I have been pondering all the ways a sadist can play...... and I am coming up pretty empty.

As the weekend draws ever closer I find myself anticipating the party more and more... AND .. yes I will admit it... I am getting nervous.

Every time I play it is like the first time. I always wonder if I will wimp out... if I will disappoint and not live up to this reputation I seem to have acquired. Will I be masochistic enough??

And every time I come away pleased with myself.. I didn't wimp out.

This time I have no idea what is in store for me. That makes it even more fun. You see.. for me.......... BDSM play starts in my lil addled brain... and works out from there... the anticipation is as much a part of the play time as the actual play time.

3 more sleeps till the party...... 3 more !!

Amazing

Know what that thing is in the above picture??

Well if you have ever done any home renovations... you will recognize it as the plain ordinary necessary paint stirrer.

BUT you might be wrong............

Sir used it this past weekend as His handy dandy spank the sub stick.

Paint stirrers - at least the one Sir used - are flexible. They bend when they hit... they sting when they hit......... AND they can be used to spank the smallest of spots..like my clit.......... over and over and over again!!

After a Saturday of spank the sub's ass with the white teflon spanker that magically molds to the ass (and after use returns to it's normal flat shape) and leaves bruising............ (yes yes Sir actually managed to bruise this leather ass of mine!!) Sunday was deemed cunt day...........

Sir had me lying on my back - legs spread wide........ with one hand He held open my pussy and with the other - used the now infamous paint stirrer to slap away at the inner lining of my pussy, and with a tug on the jewelry - my exposed clit. and no i am NOT complaining.. it was amazing............. i love pussy torture in any form.......... (don't ask why - i have no idea........... come near my tits the same way i run screaming from the room)

Besides all the spanking - there were two phenomenal orgasms... (after a month or so of none.. my pussy felt stretched, bruised and ohhhhhhh so used)

On the service side.. let's see.. i dead headed Sir's hanging baskets (actually they are hanging bags ) caught and released two really weird flying bugs (no i did NOT kill them geeeeeeeeez !!! if you can catch and release you should) ... i cooked an ok make shift Saturday night dinner - as the steaks never did defrost.. supervised Sir barbequing sausages on Sunday......... of course i did all the washing up........

oh yeah.. and for good measure and to make sure Sir got enough protein .. i sliced my thumb up into the salad on Saturday..........

i declare this weekend - AMAZING !!!