Friday, November 20, 2009


i left up the blog about the Leather family for a couple of days..... i have had nearly 300 hits on that particular entry........ and only 2 comments both looking to see if anyone would step forward with answers to my questions. Well ya know what?? no one did...... and so i am left to think that this is .. as selkie put it.. mostly a gay male thing... a leather boy thing....... and the rest are just online figments of someone's imagination. More's the pity. i think it would be interesting to delve into Leather Families.... to learn more about how they work or don't work....... how they came to be etc....

So today i move on........... to another topic that is niggling away at me........ that is Openness with one's dominant......

And the reason for this is ........ this week i had a brief email exchange with drakor on openness... and the result was he wrote a blog.......

Now granted his blog was on an entirely different subject really...... but there was one paragraph that made me sit back and think... read it again.. and once more for good measure to make sure i actually got IT........ and then it niggled away at me...

The words /statement that got me was:
"Yes the slave needs tobe open about health issues and any issues that might affect his use by the dominant. Do they have to know my thoughts on Afghanistan do they need to know why I am for or against the death penalty. As a slave what I think is unimportant to the dominant is it not?"

and i realized i couldn't agree with him... not one little bit.

i realize those words were written entirely from his perspective on what a slave is..... and that definition fills his needs ... and availabilty.

But i couldn't come close to agreeing with him.. not even given his parameters. i can't imagine anyone wanting to be with someone who has NO opinion on anything... who can not carry on a conversation.. or get into a debate.. who is simply a "Yes man" person. How boring is that???

i wouldn't want a dominant who was "brain dead" by my definition.. and i wouldn't want a "friend" or sister submissive or anyone for that matter .. who was "brain dead". That gives a whole new meaning to the old blonde jokes doesn't it?? Given drakor's definition ... we could come up with a whole slew of dumb slave jokes ... don't you think??

i read one specific blog where the Dominant in question wants nothing more than a cunt.... and a pain toy. He wants an IT...... and He has been working for a long time (years) to turn His vital educated slave into just that. But it amuses me how He also wants someone to go and play bridge with. In my opinion, He wants a part time cunt/pain toy and a part time wife/partner. (which - again in my opinion - is how it should be!!!)

Sir often teases me that i mustn't think.......... because when i think i always land myself up in trouble. Last weekend i tried very hard to not use the phrase " Sir i have been thinking............" and it was nearly impossible and quite laughable actually........ me not thinking?? i will be dead when that happens.

And for me to think ....... and not to share my thoughts.......... IMPOSSIBLE !!

i believe the reason i can not accept drakor's requirement for a slave is because i would find it quite boring to have no one to discuss topics with..... as a slave.. as a human! i would find my time with Sir more than a little boring if we didn't have debates about issues at hand.......... and i don't have to win the debates.. and don't usually try........ but i do like knowing what he believes in.. as i am sure.. he likes knowing what i believe in............... because that is all part and parcel of what makes a good relationship..... it is the glue that holds a relationship together (in my opinion).......

Hell forget relationships.. thinking - having an opinion is what makes me a vital living breathing person......... interesting to converse with.... and get to know.....

i don't have the time of day for those simpering "yes Sir no Sir 3 bags full Sir" types of slaves.. to me they are all pretext and pretend and smoke and mirrors.. i want to KNOW someone .. and that includes what they think/believe!


  1. to me, quite simply, it says FAR more about the individual who wants a slave like that than anything else. I mean, if you need, crave, want, someone who has no opinion, has no independent will, will not in any way challenge or question you, etc - then damn, go to a sex shop and get a blow up doll; certaintly cheaper in the long run, because even a "perfect" (in their eyes) slave still requires food and housing! The doll, well, you can just put her away.

    Seriously, though, I do think someone has big issues that needs that kind of "interaction" - they need to really look at their own reasons for having so little self-esteem that they need someone so without a sense of self that they pose absolutely no challenge.

  2. I think this goes to the essential nature of power exchange -- if one has no personal power, then there is nothing to exchange. Personal power is grounded in the fact of personhood with all its untidy bits and pieces. Opinions, beliefs, values, wants, needs, dreams, hopes, fears -- all this and more will be part of the person who aspires to be submissive or slave. What a poor dynamic it would be if none of that were part of the bargain.


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