Thursday, May 07, 2009

The little black book

Sometimes i am amazed how simple things can have a dark and evil side......

Take the lil black book in today's appears to be a simple black book... THE lil black book of phone numbers of potential "hot dates" for some gentleman.... or some notebook for writing down "stuff"....... or maybe even for taking notes in class.

BUT what if .... in reality .... it was a lil black book of names............ names that were blacklisted??? Not so simple anymore is it???

A few years back - i organised and headed up a subbie group here in the Great White North...... (yeah yeah i know i have already told you that - but bear with me here)........... The purpose of the group was a "safe haven" for submissives and slaves alike to come together and bitch and talk and praise and help and support each other. The idea was a good one - on paper. It was a good one for probably a year or so...........

Then someone came up with a plan to protect innocent newbie subs.. scratch out newbie.. add ALL subs. The cry went up "let's make a list of BAD doms"........ and it spread like wild fire. Everyone wanted a list of BAD DOMS...Beware of Doms.... Nasty - throw their Asses in Jail Doms.

The problem with black listing Doms (or subs for that matter - cause i believe if you are gonna do one.. you have to do both.. cause yes yes .. believe it or not .. there are bad subs out there too.) is finding the one person who has no axe to grind to make this list - our Diogenes of sorts - looking for an honest man.

Oh these subs were nothing if not persistent.. they wanted this list. i bowed out... after stating my opinion of our need for a Diogenes. Because in my mind.. this blacklist was gonna be built on rumours and opinions and a sort of popularity poll.

Before i backed out...... i did give them something to think about. i told them a story of a sub who had come to Sir and i, lodging a complaint against a Dom we knew.......... saying he had been abusive. i asked for examples of this abuse (because quite truthfully i couldn't see it in this Dom - but then i am more than a little naive ) She said when he bound her in ropes for some bondage .. they were too tight. He could only put two fingers between her skin and the rope. (i thought of all the times Sir had bound me with no room for any fingers never mind two!!) i asked if she had "called her safe word" and what had happened. Well she explained when she did use her safe word he tried to explain it wasn't that tight......... but yes she admitted he did remove the ropes almost immediately.

A few months later this same sub came to me and complained of yet another Dom who was beating her too hard. She had BRUISES from the beating. i asked what he used and where were these bruises. She said he had used a cane and the bruises were on her ass. i asked (though jealous of her bruises) if she had used her safe word and what had happened... and she said yes she had used her safe word and he had stopped immediately............ AND...... he decided they weren't suited to one another and shouldn't play again. (she even pouted at that)

It seemed this sub had a list of Doms who were dangerous and should be blacklisted.

And i thought Sir could land up on that list too.. because one evening at a public play party a Dom interferred with a scene we were having.. He stopped Sir and said "You have nothing to prove - stop hitting her so hard".......
(you should have seen me stamp my foot at that comment!! that man needed to review the definition of a masochist!! )

The lil blacklist of DD's (dangerous doms) never came into existence - per say. BUT there are lists....... in people's minds. And those lists are spread via gossipy .. run off at the mouth subbies......... whispering warnings and did you hears into other people's ears... watching as the word travels like ripples in a pond.. spreading ever outward.

i guess one should feel some sympathy for a person who has nothing better to do with their time but spread nasty evil rumours.... or feel sorry for someone who has such low self esteem that they try to bring others down to their level.

i don't feel either... sympathy or empathy. Seems to me.. in my warped lil mind these are the people who should be put on some sort of blacklist.. some sort of warning should be tattooed to their foreheads.. " i spread gossip and rumours" just to save us all from getting worked up over nothing....... and most importantly to protect the victims of their vicious gossip and rumours.

i say we should burn all black books real or imagined and just let people learn for themselves........... and as for the gossips and rumour mongers let's push them outside the city walls and leave them to the wild beasts!


  1. Its that B word again isn't it....balance. What started off with good intention in respect of protection turned into something quite different and ended up as potentially harmful to all concerned.

    love and hugs xxx

  2. I despise malicious gossip because it ultmately it deprives the subjects of the right to defend themselves (in fact they often don't know what is being said until it is far too late.

    And being the person I am, I feel we all MUST decide for ourselves whether someone is a good fit for us - any dynamic is far too unique a beast to suggest one size fits all.

  3. You are teh awesome!

    Good post and I obviously agree one thousand percent. :)

  4. Sounds like some wannabees that have a carefully scripted fantasy life. Who needs them?

    There is too fucking much game playing in the world.

  5. Agree, agree, and agree some more...

    I think the notion of protectiong adults is the issue here. Who gets designated as the protector, and who is worthy of such protection? What happened to assuming that adults are expected to make adult decisions for themselves? Teach people about safe calls, and expect them to behave responsibly and with appropriate caution. Then go on about your own business.


  6. Although it may not have lasted as long as you hoped, I want to thank you for organizing that group. That was where I first met you. :)


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