Monday, March 06, 2006


i have never been the world's most patient person....... and i always wanted control of situations.. of issues... of problems.. of everything .. cause you see if i was in control then i didn't need patience.... everything would be done NOW!
Not a very subbie like mind set was it?? And yes it caused some problems with my Sir.. my lack of patience......... In the beginning He would often tell me "patience" .... and i would grind my teeth and gnash my teeth.. stamp my feet.. mumble and complain and pout and whine....... oh such a good subbie i was!!

Then 2 years ago i had some health issues...... and due to the health problems my hair started to fall out in clumps.... and i had a few little bald spots appear on my head...... and i cried.. and i stamped my feet and ground my teeth.. and gnashed my teeth.. and mumbled and complained and pouted and whined. BUT Mother Nature is a far stricter Domme than any i have met.......... She didn't listen.... i was the one who had to listen...... to my body. i had to slow down and learn to go with the flow more.....

About 18 months ago i noticed the hair had stopped falling out..... and about 12 months ago i noticed it had actually started to grow back in....and last week my hairdresser cut and styled my hair and declared it healthy and full again.

It is funny (to me anyway) how some lessons are hard learned ones. i realized this past week that i survived the hair falling out and growing back in... 2 years from start to finish !!! wow.. that is a long time........... and i look at myself now using that 2 year guide and realize.. things can take a long time and it is ok for them to take a long time........ i can't always have everything NOW! i can't always get everything NOW ! Sometimes it takes a lot of work to get things done.. established.. or accomplished. BUT if i keep on plodding along it will eventually happen.....This may not be much of an eye opener for you folks.. probably more a "duhhhhh" moment.. but for me.. it has been a WOW moment.
i think of all the things i started and expected instant results... and got frustrated and angry and fed up with and left the projects by the wayside .. cause it wasn't working............. now i am going "ummmmmmmm.. maybe i should try for two years".................

And another side to this patience issue........... i used to get so anxious and jumpy when Sir would "think" about going somewhere.. i wanted / needed to know where when why how long etc... i look back at this weekend and realize i didn't bug Sir last week with umpteen questions about going to Vermont... i just let it happen.. i didn't fuss over staying over or not staying over.. i just let it happen...... wow.. i surprised even myself!
And i didn't fuss or fume or pout or whine cause there were no sessions - no pain.. no sex this weekend.. just a quiet togetherness weekend.. There is always next weekend or the one after that .. or two years from now.........

i am learning.. (finally learning!!) to be patient and content and appreciate what is here and now........


  1. Like I have always said, baby steps....

    Owner of morningstar

  2. patience... surely this is a hard lesson to learn, as I have discovered once again. Like you, I am not the most patient of souls, and much of my path into slavery has been about learning that one simple (or maybe not so simple) giving up -- to let things come as they will, when they will... Patience.



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