on thinking....

i have been doing a lot of thinking this weekend..... not in a cage or in a box like other submissives but i might as well have been locked away....

It all started friday........ feeling a distance from my Sir.. feeling in trouble..... Saturday Sir told me that i had become too "vanilla" ........ there have been no sessions this weekend.. there has been no sex.. there hasn't even been the nightly rituals with Miss Christine (the cane) or the crop as i lay chained in bed......... a distance... a space to think about being "too vanilla"..

and this morning it was all so very clear to me.... like being locked in a box or a cage with nothing cluttering up my mind.. clear to focus on the problem.... i can't explain it.. but this enforced abstinence from pain and pleasure has cleared the way for me to really think....... and Sir is .. of course.. right.. i have become too vanilla!!! i have become way too cheeky and too familiar with Him.. with others.. with the lifestyle..... i guess i needed the quietness in my head to be able to sort things out.. D/s is not physical per say.. it is mainly - basically - mental........ and therefore being given this time to think.. has helped me refocus on the D/s.......... on my role within this D/s relationship.

Now i wonder ....... i know what Sir wants from me.. He told me often enough during training...... a good submissive is quiet, obedient and invisible. i used to be that subbie...... i will fight to become that subbie again.......... i will learn to delicately balance my personal life with my professional life (at least until such time as i am independently wealthy and can stay home permanently) .. i will bite my tongue HARD when Sir commands me to do something and NOT hestitate....... and as for the jealousy?? wellllllllll i didn't think i was.. but if Sir says it it must be so........... 1st Rule of D/s - the Dom is always right......... (second rule.. when in doubt refer to Rule #1)

i guess i have some goals to set out...... some thinking still to do..........