Changes

i do NOT do well with changes. i like routine .. i like things just the way they are.. i hate CHANGES!

Yet that is what life is about no?? changes. Life is always changing.. not always improving but most definitely changing..... so why after all these years haven't i learned to cope with changes better??

i didn't think i was a rigid person.... considering my job and the need to be flexible and change things at the last minute.... but i am discovering over and over again i do NOT like changes .. they upset me.. they stress me.. they make me want to come home, close the door and disappear.

Changes.......

People change...... one day a friend walks by and doesn't speak ...... and i am left thinking WHAT IS THAT ABOUT???? another day a group that flourished and was fun (at least i thought it was fun) just stops functioning......... and i am left wondering WHY??

Changes..........

BUT i change too don't i?? i know for certain that Sir has brought about changes in my life.. He tends to institute them with small baby steps so i hardly notice the change and can cope with them...... and there are folks that can't figure out my changes and feel lost and isolated from me.

Changes........

i read a blog this week.. where the submissive was talking about lines changing.. and moving forward in the lifestyle.. and how she was losing friends .. or friends were moving away from her (something like that).... and i have been mulling over in my head what friends Sir and i had 4 years ago.. and who are friends today....... it amazes me the ones that have backed off..... disappeared into the mists of change.

Changes.......

i am sure there are a number of reasons for this............ one is so blatant it kinda slaps me upside the head...... Sir and i have become more and more D/s....... more and more of a power exchange has happened. At a gathering of "like minded" people one night, a Dom sat with me and chatted for a bit. He kept asking me if i was happy now? really happy? really contented? All the while He had this quizzical look on His face as though i was talking a foreign language. He didn't get this relationship Sir and i have... just didn't get it.. it isn't His "kink" for lack of a better word. Now He and His partner rarely if ever even acknowledge Sir and i...... it makes me sad..

Changes.....

There was another Dom that Sir and i included frequently in the things we did. But one event - we did not include this Dom and feelings were hurt - badly hurt. Neither Sir nor i intended hurt.......... we just wanted some freedom to meet new folks alone folks we hoped would share our love of D/s and the power exchange..... this Dom didn't share that same love / need .....it made sense to Sir and i but not to the Dom obviously....... and that was change that hurt someone else

Changes........

Memories haunt me these days .. of clubs that were crowded to the rafters..much laughter and music and whips and floggers and chains and good conversation........ now gone...
Friends who would come by the house and visit and play and laugh and chat .. now gone....

Changes........

i am thinking it is time for Sir and i to try and find new friends, new activities that include more like minded folk.......... but it is not an easy task... D/s - power exchange folks seem plentiful on the web - in blogs - but in real life .. in the Great White North....... as rare as sunshine these days..........

Changes ..........