I have found - over my years in this lifestyle -- that I have had more than one fantasy. Mostly these fantasies were based on books I had read or movies I had seen.
I rarely shared my fantasies. Some of them made me feel like a 'bad' girl - others just were too far fetched to come true.
There was one fantasy I remember clearly. I had just seen the movie The Secretary. There was a scene where he clips her wrists to a spreader bar that was positioned behind her head, wrists at ear level. I suggested to W it would be fun to try that. He obliged me. The next time he came - as soon as he walked in -- he clipped my wrists to a spreader bar so that my hands were at ear level. Then he handed me his coat to hang up and walked into the house. It took me forever to get it on a hanger in the cupboard and when I turned to walk into the house I couldn't walk through the door frame without turning sideways. Needless to say it didn't take long for me to beg to have it removed. AND I remembered the old saying "be careful what you wish for".
Now here I am many years down the road from that fantasy and another one is dancing around my reality. One that Hands is encouraging. One that he has been working me towards. One that he has been teasing me with.
Now it is more a dream than a fantasy. It IS going to happen - I know that for a fact. I have been fantasizing about it - dreaming about it. And in some ways that dream is turning into a nightmare. I flip flop between sheer terror and desperate want.
The clock is ticking ............ the waiting is killing me.