Fantasies aren't Fairy Tales

At this point in my life I really just want to live a quiet life -- no drama -- little or no stress -- I want to kneel at Sir Steve's feet and be his ...... pleasing to him .... his good lil "keebler elf" as he affectionately calls me.

BUT as I was sitting outside this morning thinking about the weekend ahead -- the week behind me -- I realize the life I dream of probably doesn't exist....

Tomorrow morning Sir Steve and I head off to a hospital in Ottawa where he has to undergo tests on his arms and shoulders -- trying to find the cause of the pain in his arms and the pins and needles in his hands.  (Not a good symptom when you own your own renovating company and use your hands and arms daily)

After the tests we head west to meet up with some BDSM friends and go to a munch -- sleep over with said friends and then head off Saturday morning to go and visit my brother and family.  We also are going to a football game - Toronto against Montreal (Toronto will win hands down)

Then long drive home on Sunday to pick up the lil one and start the new week.

The weeks all pretty much look the same -- very vanilla -- very 'happy' family.  There is rarely a chance during the week for me to 'kneel at Sir Steve's feet'....... or time for some 'loving'.

I honestly think this life I want is nothing but a fantasy -- and that kinda makes me sad. 

I don't mean to sound dissatisfied cause I'm not -- because I love this man with my whole being......... and I would go through anything to have even a few minutes of kneeling at his feet.... feeling his hands on my body... hear him whisper "I love you" in the darkness of the night.

Just sometimes I would wish fantasies could come true -- like fairy tales have.  

Fantasies Becoming Reality

I have found - over my years in this lifestyle -- that I have had more than one fantasy.  Mostly these fantasies were based on books I had read or movies I had seen.

I rarely shared my fantasies.  Some of them made me feel like a 'bad' girl - others just were too far fetched to come true.

There was one fantasy I remember clearly.  I had just seen the movie The Secretary.  There was a scene where he clips her wrists to a spreader bar that was positioned behind her head, wrists at ear level.  I suggested to W it would be fun to try that.  He obliged me.  The next time he came - as soon as he walked in -- he clipped my wrists to a spreader bar so that my hands were at ear level.  Then he handed me his coat to hang up and walked into the house.  It took me forever to get it on a hanger in the cupboard and when I turned to walk into the house I couldn't walk through the door frame without turning sideways.  Needless to say it didn't take long for me to beg to have it removed.  AND I remembered the old saying "be careful what you wish for".

Now here I am many years down the road from that fantasy and another one is dancing around my reality.  One that Hands is encouraging.  One that he has been working me towards.  One that he has been teasing me with.

Now it is more a dream than a fantasy.  It IS going to happen - I know that for a fact.  I have been fantasizing about it - dreaming about it.  And in some ways that dream is turning into a nightmare.  I flip flop between sheer terror and desperate want.  

The clock is ticking ............ the waiting is killing me.

Under the desk

For some time now I have followed kaya's adventures "under the desk" (that is kaya of Under His Hand fame) while her Master perved porn on the computer............ 

Then this morning I read about another "under the desk" moment over on "And all I loved" written by K8

This morning's post by K8 got me to fantasizing............. there may be no kink here but every so often my mind does wander off on it's own ......... down the rabbit hole to those wonderful fantasies..............

I was imagining myself "under the desk" giving W a blow job while he perved porn ....... ignoring me...........umm it was a nice warm sticky fantasy....... 



BUT W doesn't use a desk with his laptop......... fantasy skids to a halt....
readjust the image....... 

Right got it... W places the lap top on my back - I am now a desk and a blow job 'doll'..... ummmm more warm sticky fantasies ............ 

UNTIL

I realize W couldn't see the screen if it was on my back - same problem if he balanced it on my head..... and with either position the screen would bounce around - up and down and around - hard to perv porn if the screen doesn't stay still right???

Too bad for W.... it's my fantasy!! So the laptop sits on my back.... and I work my mouth around his cock - up and down and swirling..................... until... well... until the inevitable conclusion...........

It was an enjoyable fantasy for me - this "under the desk"