Wednesday, March 16, 2016
All my life I have heard these words "when you ..(fill in the blank).......... you will be pretty" I was always told I wasn't very feminine.
I grew up with (to put it mildly) a poor self image.
I have always hidden my body under layers of too big tops and too big pants. I hated dresses....... and dear god underwear?? purely functional.
Over the last year (as we all know) I have been going through a whole whack of changes in my life. Massive HUGE changes. In your face changes.
One that I have mentioned on here - but not that often - is my determination to lose weight .. my 10,000 steps a day program. Today I officially reached 50 pounds lost! and Daddy Dom suggested I post it - it was a goal I should be proud of.
The major changes have been in your face changes ......... I didn't notice the smaller ones (well small ones in my mind) And I honestly don't know what brain fart happened that woke me up to the small changes and sit back and take an honest look..........
The biggest small change is my sexuality.
After years of almost boredom in the bedroom - OR worse than that - feeling useless in the bedroom....... a new me has surfaced. And quite truthfully I hardly noticed. But over the last few days / weeks?? I am not even sure when I started to notice - I am feeling very sexual - very sensuous.
Suddenly it seems things I couldn't face doing - or felt too awkward to do - or was scared to do are now turn ons..... BIG turn ons.
Suddenly I felt like a woman - a desirable woman...... what a strange feeling! I felt like I was seeing a stranger looking back at me...........
A while back I pulled out a pair of thongs. Now I have always HATED thongs with a passion! But when I put them on - this time - they felt sexy....... and I liked how they made me feel. go figure!
I took a big breath on the weekend and took the Christmas gift card my eldest gave me for a lingerie shop, down off the bulletin board and put it in my purse and went shopping.
I'll admit it - I thought I would die when I went in....... I had no idea what I wanted I just knew I wanted to feel sexy ....... ME FEEL SEXY??!!! when the hell did that happen???
I spent over an hour in the shop.. trying one of these - and one of these - and two of those.
and I kept doing a mental head shake - what was THIS?!
Then because quite truthfully my last pair of jeans (my favourite black ones) threaten to fall down every time I give anyone a hug I went off to buy some new jeans. I couldn't find any black ones - but I did find a nice pair of beige jeans........ and I was looking at blue jeans ..... when I stopped. I don't want jeans ........ I want dresses - sexy show some leg dresses! what was THIS??!! so instead of more jeans I bought a nice black belt to hold up my old black jeans........
Summer dresses aren't out on the racks yet so I am gonna wait.
And I realized - finally - I am changing in every way imaginable. It is truthfully as though i am breaking out of some weird cocoon I have been wrapped in most of my life....... I have NO idea what the final result will be - but I am ready for it.............. god am I ready!