Sunday, March 06, 2011

End of week one

A week ago the doctors sent me home for two weeks to give me a rest from the hospital and being poked and prodded and nagged.  

The first few days were heavenly - freedom from hospital smells - hospital routine - from tests and knots in my stomach about what the tests found.  (mostly inclusive results) 

Then reality set in........ I wasn't getting any better - I was tired all the time - I didn't have much interest in anything.  BUT I was making myself get up and make 3 meals a day - that was the promise that had sealed my discharge - that I would EAT...... 

If someone had told me six months ago - hell 2 months ago - that I would have no interest in food I would have said "I wish!!"  I love food - mostly the bad stuff - you know fast foods with lots of grease and calories..... sweets with tons of calories ....... junk food with tons of calories.

I am on a high calorie diet to try and get some weight and muscle mass back.  So I am not really limited on what I can eat or not eat........... just so long as I eat 3 meals a day with at least one snack thrown in for good measure.  

At first I stocked up on all the foods I usually liked to eat - chicken fingers - hamburger - meatballs - but when I cooked meals with those foods they stuck in my throat - tasted like crap and weren't the least bit appetizing.  

So now I am eating bland boring foods - hamburger patties I made up from the mess of hamburger I defrosted....... hamburger patties with potatoes - with noodles - as a hamburger...... I am eating shrimp (usually a splurge around here - but hell they at least taste good!!) precooked chicken I bought in sandwiches and with potatoes....... and chocolate milk........ I can't keep chocolate milk in the house !!!  and the strangest thing is - I don't much like chocolate - but yum chocolate milk tastes sooooo good now.  I am also drinking gallons of apple juice..... haven't had that since I was nursing my babies.......but it tastes good now.  And my beloved cup of coffee first thing in the morning is tasting good too.  Oh yeah and real bagels !!!  I had gone to the skinny bagels to try and cut back on calories - they never did taste the same - so back to the doughy yummy bagels for breakfast and sandwiches !!


For anyone interested I have lost over 3 inches over my entire body - which means nothing fits - I am soon gonna need suspenders for my underpants.  I have managed to find some small jeans that fit comfy now....... and a couple of turtle necks that work.  But for the most part I am slopping around in loose way too loose clothing.  

My other complaint is a total lack of energy.  I can do small chores (like cleaning the bedroom) then have to lie down and rest - if not nap - for an hour or so.  That bugs me... no - more than bugs me - it scares me.  I used to be this ball of fire........... but the fire has whittled down to a small ember.  My brother called me yesterday - my brother the health nut.  He made a valid point - one I am holding on to.  If I have lost so much muscle mass then I won't have a lot of energy till it comes back.  The muscles are what give me energy - no muscle - no energy.  Made sense to me.  

So I am gonna try walking a little bit each day - if only this winter weather would cooperate a tad... or else do the stairs more.  Try walking around the house more - I did shovel the wee bit of snow we had this week - and I didn't die from doing that.  

One doctor said it was going to take a long time to bring me back to where I was - I am guessing he meant more than a couple of weeks.  

Thursday this week I see my surgeon again.  I have a strong feeling he is going to refer me to an internist to get to the bottom of this problem.  Part of me welcomes this referral - maybe someone will be able to fix this elusive problem.  Another part of me is scared stiff - more hospital time? more tests and prodding and poking??? More surgery??? 

But for now the challenge continues to find food I will eat - and to try and find some energy and a bit of my joie de vie.

10 comments:

Sir said...

Stop being so hard on yourself!! Maintaining your home is quite something after your health issues.

You ARE winning the war, just losing some of the battles but this isn't a race.

When the good weather comes back ( soon I do hope ) then you will be off and walking.

Hang in there !!

abby said...

Thank you for this update. You have been in my thoughts. Recovery can be a slow, frustrating process...don't let that get you down. I hope to soon be ready about the "sassy" morningstar!
abby

SPANKEDHORTIC said...

As Churchill said "If your going through hell, keep going".

I don't know that much about muscle loss and fatigue apart from an incident that happened more than 15 years ago but from what I remember, it sounds like your brother is talking sense. As the muscle returned the fatigue reduced.

Prefectdt

Buffalo said...

I wish to hell I knew what to say other than, "Sorry," and "Hang in there."

swan said...

Try and keep your thoughts gentle. This is clearly going to be a long journey. I wish it were easier...

hugs, swan

Whitesnake said...

What is your blog title?
"The Adventurous Journey" well this an adventure of sorts.
What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger.
You are one tough ole bird! Err I mean young lady ..err ya know I mean gutsy errr well that would mean ya fat..OH Bugga.........
Just know we are all thinking of you..........xx

BlazngScarlet said...

There's no time frame for recovery.
Just do what you can ... and then add a little more day by day.
Your body needs to heal.

PKB said...

What everyone else has said...HUGS~ <3

saffy said...

Hugs
You know i had precancerous lumps in my womb some years ago.... they did surgery to remove them , and the silly things grew back, and so they did a full hysterectomy from down below rather than cut and remove.
At the time (even though my body had, what equated to major sugery) because there was no open no scar . apart from a small laproscopy they had made for looking/checking elsewhere, i managed to convince myself , there was infact nothing wrong with me, and then beat myself up as i couldnt achieve what i could before i went in hospital. It took a nurse, at a further hospital appointment to convince me that i had major surgery even though there were no scars, and the body was still traumatised. It took along time to heal.
Now i know that you have not had a hysterectomy, (well atleast not this time) but your body has had surgery, give it time and it will get better.........at least you manage to clean a room now, before the tiredness creeps in, and allow that alien thing of letting others help you till normal service is resumed again. In the mean time, thankyou for all the positivities i read in your post and you probably know that is partially the reason in anycase.....but it never hurts to hear another confirm it.
Thankyou for the update, you and Yours are in Master Kenzies and my thoughts.
hugs and light
saffy

anna said...

It's so frustrating and discouraging when you know what your body SHOULD be capable of doing, but isn't doing.

Aside from the obvious (and elusive) health issues, this sounds like a huge exercise in patience for you. I'm not so good with patience, so I sympathize.

Hang in there. You're making progress.