I'm off

ok ok - I've been 'off' for a long time....... BUT ....what I mean is....... 

By the time you read this we'll be on the road to Sir Steve's parent's.  Keep a good thought for all of us......... 

I'll be back in a week or so.........

 

 

It's Over!!!

 

 

Today is the last day of school here....... after 14 months of home schooling it's over!! The lil one got permission from the teacher to organise an end of year party.  Believe it or not - she wrote a proposal and presented it to the teacher 2 weeks ago.  It was in point form! and clearly identified what everyone should/could do....... the kids were to dress in nice clothes..... find a special snack like popcorn or chips or something good - the teacher was to find a movie and music AND the lil one's job was to make sure everyone had a good time.  (small smile) I honestly think she's been around me too long.

Yesterday her report card came home........ and she aced it!!  All her marks either stayed the same or went up.  The only glitch was her french - it went down.  For the record mother - who is bilingual - was supposed to be helping her with her french.  This morning I did some research and found an app that I'll be downloading to her tablet ... a fun app full of games to teach beginner's french.  The lil one is barely working at grade level - she's gonna struggle next year.  Someone has to help her ya know? and I AM the wicked stepmother... shrug. 

We celebrated the end of the year last night with take away supper....... I printed a certificate that said "(name) survived 14 months of home schooling"........ and we gave her the Harry Potter lego......... 

 

Today is the last day of Sir Steve working from home....... he 'graduated' too..... (grinning)

AND 

come September she's back on the school bus and back in class!!

Now we're doing the happy dance ........... 

 

Butterflies

 

We leave Saturday morning for a 7 hour drive to Sir Steve's parent's home.  I have been making lists galore in my head - so many things to pack - to buy - to organise.  Because Steven's stepmom's daughter wants to visit with us while we're there - I suggested dinner on Sunday AND I would make Indian food for the occasion.

Now in my world - that means dessert too..... and enough main course to feed an army.  The menu is - butter chicken - curried sausages (bought from our local shop - they make THE best curried sausages) - pakoras - naan and basmati rice.  For dessert I have made a pan of chocolate chunk brownies and am going to make 5 dozen peanut butter cookies.

Besides that - I promised the lil one an end of year celebration...... that's tonite.  I bought her the new lego Harry Potter set. 

The best thing about this set - all the pieces store inside and when it closes it looks just like a book!  I also printed up a 'certificate' saying she survived 14 months of home schooling (hoping to get a little laugh out of her) 

I'm also trying to get all the laundry caught up - so we can take all our summer clothes up to the country tomorrow night  -- and all the staples from the pantry....... cause when we get back next week - we will be moving to the country for the summer.  OH and I have to pack up all the lil one's summer clothes and toys.

I am trying to take most of the organizing/planning/worry off Sir Steve's shoulders.  He has quite enough on his plate........ but it's tiring ya know? I stress I will forget something or screw something up.  The week we get back  - I get my second vaccination AND 2 days after that I have my cancer screening.  It's a stressful time............ lists galore - and this too shall pass - right?

Father's Day

 

About a week before Sir Steve's father died I started a Father's Day project with the lil one.  I have been trying to remember the name of the 'game' - even googled it but had no success (colour me frustrated).

Do you remember when you were young  getting books - or a story - that replaced a word with a picture?? please tell me I am not losing my mind........ I used to love them!

 Anyway I thought the lil one could make something like that - describing her dad - for Father's Day.  I bought a bunch of chocolate bars (Sir Steve LOVES chocolate) and the two of us worked on a message using the chocolate bars in place of pictures.

It was a tough Father's Day for Sir Steve.  We did OUR Father's Day celebration on Monday when the lil one came home.  Sir Steve filled up with tears........ BUT I had bet the lil one he would do that anyway.... he's such a softie (big grin) So the tears didn't upset her ........  AND on Tuesday morning he took one of the chocolate bars for snack at work - She was delighted!! 

 Here's a picture of her 'master piece' ...........

 

A Little Update

 

It was an emotional draining week.  And honestly it's just beginning.

The lil one was devastated... Sir Steve was/is heart broken.  It's so hard to see him struggling... in pain... and I really can't do anything to make it better.

On Friday he left work early and after the lil one went to her mother's we headed out to the country for the weekend.  It was basically a very quiet weekend.

This is the last week of school for the lil one.... and then next Friday she goes to her mother's for a week. (summer is one week with mother and one week with us).  On Saturday we will head off for the long drive to his parent's.  Sir Steve is the executor of his father's will and he needs to find all the paper work and get started closing out his father's affairs.  

His father didn't want a funeral - but his stepmom wants to have the family together to spread his ashes.  We have no idea when that will happen cause his family is spread across Canada literally from the west coast to the east coast and right now of course there is no travel between provinces.  

I do want to thank everyone who stopped by The Continued Journey to send condolences - my heart was full!

For the next little while I won't be around blogland very much - but from time to time I will pop in and leave an update.

Pain

 

 

Last night Sir Steve's father died.  We are all hurting...... 

I may not be around for awhile  - the family needs me.

 

 

Dramatic

 

 

Ok - so I need to vent........ you can skip today I won't mind.. .BUT I really need to get this out before I burst!!

Apparently the lil one's mother was tooooooo sick to take care of her this weekend - so mother stayed in town and the lil one went with the grandparents to the campsite.  What did mother have?? fever ?? vomiting?? some exotic disease?? 

NOPE

she had her period.

REALLY??!!  her period??!!!  

GOD - I went through cancer treatments and only missed one day of work !!!  I had what 30+ years of periods and never missed a day of work or needed someone to take  care of my children......... GAH!!!!

So Sir Steve just sent her a message and said from now on - let us know when she's too sick to take care of her daughter and we'll keep her.  

AND this woman wants her full time at best OR one week on one week off??? really??!!  

I think my head may explode

Sunday Sentiments

 

 

Weekend!

 

 

 

 

 

Enjoy your weekend!

Surprise Treat

 

We've had an amazing 2 weeks with the lil one and home schooling - AND attitude! even the teacher has noticed how animated she has been.  I have my suspicions as to what brought on this change..... first I told her come hell or high water she's going back to school in September... and I told her that there was 3 weeks left of school... shrug... don't know what prompted this change - don't much care to be honest... it's just really good to have OUR lil one back!  

Sir Steve and I have been talking about how to acknowledge this positive change - and we decided that perhaps a trip to Dairy Queen after dinner would be fun!

 

Dairy Queen for those of you who may not know (not sure if it is a brand name known anywhere other than here in Canada/US)  is an ice cream shop.  Last June the lil one received a gift certificate for Dairy Queen as part of a reward for outstanding work from school.

SO last night after dinner Sir Steve asked if she would like to take a trip to Dairy Queen for dessert.  Of course he didn't have to ask twice!  Excitement ruled the day!  (He did make a point of saying we were going cause she had been working hard and not giving anyone attitude) 

She proudly brought her gift certificate and with her dad's help decided on a small ice cream cone.  THEN the chap behind the counter asked if she wanted a "DIP" she looked like a deer caught in the headlights!  and said "no".  I was shocked..... no chocolate dip??  I thought all kids loved chocolate dip!  Then he listed the flavours of dip - chocolate ... blah blah... blah blah.... candy cotton!  I stopped him there - cause ya know it's candy cotton!!  The lil one still looked overwhelmed.  I suggested she take a candy cotton dipped cone - and promised her she wouldn't be disappointed.  While her cone was being made she presented her gift certificate - AND surprise surprise!  it came back with enough money still on it for another cone!!  Excitement reigned!

This is exactly what it looked like.......................

 

Personally I'm not sure I would be tempted by a BLUE ice cream cone - but hey I'm not 8 anymore! 

We sat outside by ourselves and enjoyed our ice cream - and announced it really truly was summer now! 

Playing with Fire

 

 Yesterday I commented on Prefectdt's blog - he had a couple of videos and one involved fire play.  He replied to me saying he didn't know fire play was a 'thing' - thought it was only used for stage shows.

Boy was he wrong!  In my very active days in the BDSM scene - I saw more than one scene involving fire play.... even sat in on a couple of fire play workshops. It intrigued me - I could imagine the heat - the thrill - it really got my adrenaline pumping.  Unfortunately though I couldn't try it as I am allergic to alcohol and they use alcohol to create the fire.  

Fire Play is considered 'edge play' - along with knife play - electric play - breath play - blood play.  Not as many people indulge in these activities as they do in whips and floggers and paddles..... for obvious reasons.  

I loved watching it - it reminded me of a dance - a graceful albeit dangerous dance between the two partners.  It requires a lot of practice and knowledge and trust - with a capital T.  

I attended a play party in our Nation's capital a few years ago.  There was a married couple who indulged in a lot of edge play... and this evening they were going to do a fire play scene.  I had seen them do it before many times... it was beautiful to watch.  There was no wiggling - or crying - or struggle.  I made sure I had a front row seat (so to speak) when they started. She was lying naked on her back.  He lined up the tools of the trade... including a BIG blanket and water.  

It started off slowly - with him creating fire that travelled up her body - from her legs to her breasts.  As the fire spread upwards - his hand would follow closely behind putting it out.  At first it was slow and methodical... and then it started to speed up ... the lights were down so everyone could appreciate the pretty flames licking at her body... the music was low so we could hear her moans of pleasure...... 

faster and faster they went........ 

THEN

we watched as his hand travelled up to her belly putting the flames out - or so he thought - except something went wrong and the flames came back over her lower belly - his hand and eyes were on her breasts - it took a few seconds before she screamed...... loud blood curdling screams.  His head turned and he saw the flames burning her belly and pink girly bits.  He grabbed the towel and threw it over her body - laying his body over top of the towel smothering the flames.  When he was sure it was out - he picked her up and carried her to a couch - medical aid was performed.  She was ok.  

 

Removed video because I felt uncomfortable with it

 

How My Day is Going.........

 

Truth - I actually believed today was Thursday.......... 

am getting a little too excited to go shopping on Friday - all our retail stores will be open on Friday - with limited numbers of course - but still O P E N !!  I realized I have been missing access to our Dollar stores (for those of you who may not know what a dollar store is - everything is about 1$ - or 2$  - or 3$) and my absolute favourite place to shop for art supplies for the lil one - and summer toys and games.  FRIDAY!!  can't come soon enough. 

 

Google is my Friend

Four years ago Sir Steve told me he goes camping every summer......that nearly ended our relationship before it even got started.  BUT then he showed me the RV - complete with heat and air conditioning and a full kitchen and a full bathroom... big comfy bed........ TV ......... ok stop!  that is not my definition of camping - that's cottage life!!  I was IN!

BUT 

owning an RV does come with it's problems... pretty much like owning any home.  Last summer our hot water heater had to be replaced........ AND.... our air conditioning unit leaked into the kitchen.  BUT we have a 'guy' to fix all those problems.  

 

This past weekend wasn't the best weather wise...... lots of showers... and hot and muggy.   Saturday night after sitting under an umbrella 'cause of misty rain at the campfire....... we toddled off to bed.  We put the ac on 'cause muggy humid weather ya know?  Two hours later Sir Steve was up cursing and mopping up water and grabbing a bucket to catch the stream of water coming from the air conditioning unit (which is set into the ceiling of the kitchen)

I lay in bed afterwards stressing........ 'I thought it was fixed' 'Why the hell do we have a repair guy ?' and yes I have to admit I thought ' stupid men!'

Sunday morning had me on google with my first cup of coffee........ typed in
"RV air conditioner leaking"
and up came pages and pages...... clicked one and lo and behold it was easy peasy to follow - 1) is it leaking when it rains - click here
2) is it leaking when it runs - click here.  clicked #2 and got this wonderful page of instructions with pictures!!  It said that it was probably blocked drainage holes and / or a gasket that needed to be replaced.

When Sir Steve got up - I told him what I had found.  I pointed out that trying to fix the damn thing from the kitchen wasn't working....... and I didn't care what the RV guy said (he's actually very good so we're not looking for a new RV guy) I convinced Sir Steve to climb up on top of the RV and take the assembly apart and check this gasket.  Turns out the gasket had been screwed down TIGHT - and had flattened the damn thing out.  Now the water had nowhere to go but down the unit into our kitchen!!!

On Monday Sir Steve ordered a new gasket $28 and it'll be here Thursday!  Sir Steve googled how to fix said gasket and watched a couple of videos ..... he figures it won't be that difficult to change and should be done in about an hour.
Fingers crossed by lunch on Saturday we should have air conditioning in the RV again!

I LOVE Google - is there anything not on Google??

What a Day!!!

 

 

AND - it's only 9:30 am!!!

I was hyped a bit cause I could book my second shot today at 8 AM.  I had my computer up and running and I was ready to hit the keys at 7:50................
went through all the pages heading up to the 'book now' page.  Hit the book now button and WHOA!!!!!!! my city wasn't even listed.  OMG!  panic hit........ cause I don't do driving to new places well...  THEN I noticed that the city right near our campgrounds was on the list.  Ok I can drive there - my family doctor is there.  WAIT! there's only one day available.......... July 7th GAH!!  we have the lil one then...... so I messaged Sir Steve and he is gonna work from the country that day.  THEN he asked what vaccine I was getting......... GAH!!  they didn't tell me - GAH!! what do I do if it's not Pfizer??   THEN (it just doesn't stop!)  as I entered the date and time in my calendar I noticed that my yearly cancer test is set for the Friday!!  GAH!!  what if ........ what if............
Screw that!  I'll deal with side effects and cancer tests if /when they happen.

And if that wasn't enough............ 

the lil one came home from mother's......... and we were doing our usual chat about the weekend ....... she was chattering away about friends she made .. and then she told me her Auntie Em was there............ AND BOOM!  her whole attitude changed - her face got worried....... and she just ran out of steam.  I knew something was wrong.. so I gently probed.  Turns out the grandmother told her she was NOT to tell S about Auntie Em....... she even knew why - cause it's against the rules to have someone out of your household sleep over........ so two lies sort of.. ugh... you could see the stress on the lil one's face... I praised her over and over for telling the truth - didn't react to the news.... acted as though it was normal to have the aunt sleep over 

When she started school I sent mother a message... I mean F**K this shit..... so I told mom that they were encouraging the lil one to lie... and adding stress to the lil one's life.. and how COULD she allow such a thing to happen to HER child?!!!  all I got was the usual 'woe is me' it's all my mother's fault.  same sh*t different day.   I refused to let her make it all about her - kept bringing her back to the topic of her DAUGHTER!!  the chat finished the way it always does - I feel a tad better 'cause I called her on her shit... and stood up for the lil one's peace of mind............ AGAIN! but will anything change - I can tell you - nothing will change - 99.9% sure!

And all this before 10 am.  - hopefully the rest of the day will go a little smoother.

Sunday Sentiments

 

 

Saturday Smiles

 

Just Thoughts....

 

Some days my brain just goes walk about...... and I come to some weird conclusions.. not based on anything but my opinion.  The nice thing about the thoughts in my head is they don't have to be politically correct.. like yesterday.

I was cleaning the house - which frees up my mind to do it's walk about... and I got to thinking about the lil one's grandmother.  I see her in sharp lines - hard and harsh... no soft edges.  Then my brain looked at other women I know... some have soft gentle edges - other's have hard edges like the grandmother.

My brain kept looking at this thought......... why are some soft and others hard?  Then my brain went to sex.. and how every time we have sex I feel soft and gentle... and when we go for awhile without sex I find myself developing hard edges... sharp - you could cut yourself on the hard edges. Yet when we have sex it's like I melt....... and all my edges are soft........ and I thought (ok ok this is NOT politically correct) that the grandmother really does need sex...... 

OH and then just to be more politically incorrect - I started to wonder if men were the same way?? hard edges unless they are getting 'it' regularly.  and I couldn't decide. 

Do you notice a change in your attitude when you are 'getting it regularly'?? Do you see the same correlation in men?? 

ahh well just thoughts of bored housewife (cheeky grin)

On Motherhood.........

 

 know the expression - "it's not easy being green"???  I think of motherhood that way - it's not always easy and sometimes it's damn hard!!  

BUT then something happens and you realize it was all worth it...  I was thinking about how much I enjoy spending time with eldest daughter  -  now.  It wasn't always so.... mostly during her growing up years she and I were at logger heads...there were days I despaired of ever liking her.  PLEASE NOTE - I always loved her -- just didn't much like her behaviours.  

Then she found her husband... and then I found Sir Steve ... and our relationship took a turn for the better.  Now she is like my best friend....... OH the topics we discuss on our weekends together in the country!!  The laughter!!  and yeah occasionally tears. 

BUT she does like to reminisce about growing up with me as her mother......... and those memories always make me feel like the worst mother E V E R !!! Some days I despair that she only remembers the bad times and never the fun times....... she insists the bad times are what made her the independent strong woman she is today......... which is good ........ but ya know just once in a while I'd love to hear her remember the fun times.......... 

I never thought - not once - that I would be a mother again.... not at my age.  BUT there was Sir Steve and his lil one.  It hasn't been an easy job to form this family.  I remember the first time I spent the weekend here with him and the lil one.  She clearly didn't want me sleeping in her father's bed.... it was a big deal for her ... she wanted me to sleep in the guest room... on the sofa.. anywhere but with her daddy.  I remember waking up early the next morning - feeling as though someone was watching me...... lifted my head and squinted out the bedroom door ......... and nearly freaked!!  The lil one was sitting - in the dark - in the living room (which is directly across the hall from our bedroom)  arms folded across her chest watching us sleep!!

We've come a long way from those first days.  Yesterday she and I were having our 'snack/recess' outside on the deck and we were just chatting.  She looked at me and said "you make me smile S" - that warmed my heart.  I said 'yeah but I can be the mean wicked stepmother too!' She said something about "my look" - that made me smile - it's been called my 'teacher' look by some.  AND my girls always talk about "Mom's look".  The lil one went on to say ' you know S - the look with a CAPITAL T - a BIG T!!! Daddy has one too - but his look has a GIGANTIC T!! ' I couldn't believe it - a GIGANTIC T??!!  So I asked her - 'whose T is bigger?' She didn't miss a beat and said 'Daddy's T of course!!'

Life is VERY good when you no longer have the WORST look!!

4 years

 

We had a little celebration last night........ 4 years ago - June 1 2017... I moved in with Sir Steve.  That is 1,461 days or 35,084 hours or 2,105,055 minutes.  

and it feels like yesterday.  and it feels like forever.

It was a celebration of our love and mutual respect...... 

I wanted to get Sir Steve something special - I bought him a pocket watch (he loves watches!) and the inscription spoke to my heart.............

 

 

Here's to a life time together.

So Far Down the Rabbit Hole (a memory)

 

 Every so often something happens - or a memory reawakens - and I realize how far down the rabbit hole I went when I was doing the sub/slave thing.  

For some unknown reason I had a memory last week........ it was SO bad ... totally squeaked me out - that I tried to bury it down deep....... so deep I wouldn't have to look at it.   Of course it didn't work - in my experience once a bad memory sees the light of day - it's here to stay and needs to be dealt with............ 

This particular memory involves a past Dominant and my eldest daughter.  At the time my eldest was starting to be involved in the BDSM community - as a Domme.  We took her under our wing to guide her and I wanted to make sure she was safe (yes even Dommes need to be safe) 

I was remembering the inappropriate the things this Dominant said - and implied - to eldest daughter......... like one time when he was taking photos of her in fet garb for Fetlife...... and we were downstairs in my dungeon.  He kept pushing her to use the flogger on my ass.  At that time I remember thinking he was just joking around........

BUT he didn't stop there........... even knowing how I felt about it he continued to suggest / imply how he wanted to see her play with me..... pushing hard ....... it made me uncomfortable - BUT he was my Dominant how could I argue .. how could I not want to do this to please him?!!!! 

That's how far down the rabbit hole I had gone....... today it makes me sick to my stomach... I should have kicked his ass to the curb the very first time he wanted to see us play together......... OMG!!!  it makes me ashamed to think I let this go on ......... she never did play with me - but I am angry with myself for not taking a stand..... how I let him compromise my principals!

I broke the silence this weekend when I shared this with Sir Steve.  I suppose in a way he wasn't all that surprised - he never did trust this man's ability to dominate anything... 

This was definitely not one of my proudest moments............ and is just another reason I will never go back to being the blind submissive I was........