Friday, November 27, 2020

It's Never Going to Stop

 So maybe I should learn to tune them out???

Who you ask?? The lil one's other family.  The ones who have fought us tooth and nail over every inch of progress we have made with her... 

Back in March (if you remember) they snuck over a closed border to see a family member and told the lil one she couldn't tell anyone - including the police (teaching her to lie)

Now they're doing the holy than thou act because they aren't going to do Christmas with family members.  AND they assume we are having a HUGE family celebration....... so they have been making all sorts of snide comments on Facebook and to the lil one.

Then last Friday when they picked up they had a 'stranger' in the car....... no one had masks on.

This Friday same 'stranger' in the car with no mask.

Now let me ask you -- how is it ok to have someone squished into a car - BUT not ok to have someone in your house??? They believe they are in the right - they haven't had anyone into their house............. do they honestly believe that Covid won't spread in a car ???? 

Their stupidity and vindictiveness absolutely boggles my mind.  

I just had to speak my mind - here - where I feel safe.

I'm chanting the following over and over till the desire to slap them silly passes..........




  1. Vent away Morningstar. Not responding to their nonsense is the best call


  2. It depends.

    The thing is I am new here so the whole "lil one" and "other family" might make sense to those in the now, but I'm lost. Who are these people and why do you need to maintain contact?

    Silence can be a good policy. So can a policy of responding to hypocrisy and idiocy with a well-placed "shut the fuck up and stay out of my life". I feel like there's this assumption that one has to humor unreasonable people. I had that dynamic in my life for a long time. But here's the question: why? Do they humor you? Why do these things have to be one-sided. I had an explosion of my own over something similar where when others told me to just humor the other party, "let it go", "you know how they are", "ignore it." I responded with "no, not anymore. Let them .....(and anyone else for that matter) wary of me for a change. Worry about me and what I might say and do. Maybe then everyone will humor me and watch what they say." It worked pretty well.....and it feels SOOOOOO GOOOOOD!

  3. kd - very long story short - the lil one is my 8 year old stepdaughter. Originally her mother was removed from the home and was only allowed supervised visits. Two years ago now the courts maintained she didn't need supervision any longer. The mother lives with her mother and father... doesn't work.... has little interest in any real participation in her daughter's life. (eg - we have been fighting to get the lil one healthy for 2 years now.... she was/is borderline diabetic .. mother pays lip service to the diet plan .. but more times than not feeds the lil one junk food / too many carbs all weekend) She can see the lil one from Friday night to Monday morning.
    I have no choice in whether I see them - I have to see them on Friday afternoon and Monday morning. We have to have some contact when decisions about the lil one have to be made. There is no shutting them out... though I have taken to speaking my mind with the mother when they overstep the bounds ......... but it's exhausting and when I do say something - they will stop doing whatever - but simply start doing something else.

  4. Thank you for filling in the background so clearly and succinctly.

    So, tossing them away is not an option. I get it. But don't underestimate the rest of what I suggested. You seem to hold most of the good cards in this situation as her situation with her daughter is more tenuous. If she can't behave, why not just use that? If she ignores health restrictions, warn her that you'll charge her with child endangerment and have her visitation revoked. Even if it doesn't happen, just threaten her with it. Why should she make you miserable when you are doing your best to raise her biological child? Let her be afraid of you. Let her watch what she says. Let her be in more fear of having to deal with you than you of her.

    I have personal experience dealing with people whose nasty 'power' is an illusion that they can get away with anything. They can only get away with what we allow them to get away with. Turn the tables. Good luck. You know you have virtue and good intentions on your side.

  5. kd - thanks for your kind words and wisdom.....I have been reluctant to engage with the mother or grandmother because "it wasn't my place" BUT even when Sir Steve handled it - and he did! - I felt unsatisfied ya know? Now I have been very firm about things like pick up/drop off times by telling them I will simply not stand for it and if it happens (whatever "it" is this time) I will make different pick up arrangements. Now they pick up on time without any rudeness

    during the beginning of the pandemic they actually put the lil one in 'danger' and us by taking her to a locked down area...... we all had to quarantine for 15 days :( Sir Steve was livid and contacted Family Court on an emergency basis - they reviewed the case and what happened and said "because of the pandemic all children needed both parents in their lives more than ever - therefore they would not change the custody agreement even temporarily" I don't know about where you live BUT here the courts really do favour the mother - I have seen it first hand (not just with Sir Steve - but in my work) It's very frustrating.

    So now we wait...... and eventually the lil one will be old enough to have a voice of her own........ and then..... IF she says she doesn't want to go visit mother we can request another custody hearing.


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