It officially has been 6 weeks since I took my last dose of the meds I have been withdrawing from ..... the doc warned me this last withdrawal could be my worst and the longest.... he told me to hang on and he would see me at the end of 8 weeks.
This past week or so I have suddenly been aware of my thought processes or my emotions.... it's pretty difficult to explain........ just suddenly I would 'see' something clearly ......... For 20+ years I had had a drug that masked any number of my emotions... and then as fast as that clear thought would appear it would disappear -- it is driving me crazy !!!
This week I took a stand against the lil one's grandparents blatantly disregard for the rules around here -- I didn't think 'what will happen if they get mad at me' - I couldn't care less..... I took pictures of their infraction and sent them to the owners of the campsite (we live way in the back in the old section and the owners don't wander around here much) 10 minutes later the owner showed up and dealt with the infraction in no uncertain terms. I didn't gloat or anything like that -- I just felt better cause you don't - DO NOT - break rules.
Since then I have been doing some thinking -- where the hell did that come from?? That's when I realized I have been reacting to a number of things differently -- like I am seeing things without a fog in front of my eyes........... it's just plain weird.
The doctor had asked me - before I went on this drug - how did I react to situations - who remembered?? It was over 20 years ago. This weekend I remembered I stopped reading newspapers and watching the evening news more than 30 years ago because it upset me..........
Now I am thinking I need to find a better way of dealing with the world around me - the world that doesn't necessarily play by the rules (the rules I understand)
One step I have taken is I am starting to meditate again -- every morning. I am going to start doing my yoga again......... I am going to find a new way of interacting with this world............
Life is good when you slowly start to find your own way..........
Congratulations Morningstar! You have been working hard this year! How exciting to "see" the world again and even more exciting, the determination you have to learn how to cope with what you see.
ReplyDeleteSo proud of you! I am sure Sir Steve is proud too! Are you proud of you?
Boo
Hi Morningstar,
ReplyDeleteI am with Boo, you should be very proud. I think it's wonderful that you are beginning to "see" more clearly again. Good on you starting meditation and yoga to help you deal with what you see. Good on you too taking a stand against the grandparents.
Hugs
Roz
Yay for you, Morningstar! ... from what we've read in your posts, it's been a tough journey and for you to stick with it and get through it is amazing. It will be interesting to see how your new 'clarity' plays out. I wish you all the best! ... nj ... xx
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