Yet another snowy Monday

We had a busy weekend........... well sort of.  Saturday afternoon I had the submissive group in for our monthly discussion group.  I personally thought it was a good topic.... "What happens when your kink gets out of sync" with a whole mess of subtitles - and what if's and how tos ............... after 2 hours I came to the conclusion they are all so new - so "want everything NOW-ish" that they haven't gotten to the kink out of sync stage.

I was left feeling it was a total waste of time........... except they all seem to love coming together to chit chat (le sigh).  

Then W and I had a munch go to about an hour away from home.  And everyone (at the sub group)  was talking about the play party that was going to go on after the munch.  It would seem they had all received invites.  ?? !!!  I knew nothing of any play party and started to feel like the high school me who never knew what parties were going on - and never seemed to get invited to them.  There is a chap who often invites folks back to his house following a munch for coffee.  Sometimes folks disappear downstairs to play sometimes they don't.  I kept thinking this was the "play party" folks were talking about......................

BUT......

the last time W and I went to the after munch coffee play party thingy we brought our toys and disappeared downstairs.  Nothing was set up.  The host helped W select a couple of pieces of equipment and we played.............. but no one else joined us - and when we came upstairs everyone had left.  I felt so uncomfortable like we had perhaps taken advantage - and most definitely over stayed our welcome.

So this "play party" had me nervous - were we gonna be the only ones playing again?? 

W brought the toy bag.  The munch was very quiet only about 10 people showed up and only 6 of us went back for coffee.  We all sat around talking for about an hour or so... then one of the couples who really really wanted to tie and suspend went downstairs.  The other couple who had brought their toy bag (which I thought  showed promise) packed up and went home to play there.  That left W and I.

I panicked,  I did not want to play.......... I was having the "this isn't a play party" panic attack and feeling very awkward and out of place  - and worse than that - the health problem I am struggling with decided to raise it's ugly scary head while we were at the restaurant and I just couldn't see myself playing.

So I begged W to come home.  chicken - that's me - big chicken,  I think W may have been a little disappointed in me........... which of course tied me up in knots worse than the health issue.  AND I knew if we didn't play there we probably weren't gonna play at all all weekend.  (and I was right).

So we did the hour's drive home and I fell into bed feeling alone and a little bit scared and  like I had - once again - let W down.

Sunday was a snowy blustery day and we hunkered down inside and had a quiet day.  Today is another snowy blustery day .................. can winter just be over now please?  Can the calls come in from the doctor's so this "hurry up and wait" period can be over and I can get on with whatever I need to get on with???? 

Yeah I am pushing the escape button - but I am still here