His way......

swan wrote a post the other day entitled " Trying to get there". As with all her blogs it was a good one !! It made me sit back and think....... especially her line ......
"I replied, "You don't DO warm-ups -- at least not with me. The only people who get warm-ups and aftercare are newbies."

There was something about those words.... something i have said in one form or another to Sir... definitely not quite so to the point... but she nailed it on the head.

When Sir and i were first playing together.. things were very very different from the here and now - for obvious reasons. He didn't know me or my body and i was a little anxious about Him. Our play sessions were combinations of warm ups... slow and easy warm ups - building to intense sessions of pain that had me hanging loosely from the chains.. playing with my fairies... lost to the world of reality. And those times spent with my fairies were long enjoyable holidays... long being the operative word. Not just 10 or 15 minutes - but hours and hours of blissful endorphin rushes.

The after care had to be the best times ever............. they were the times that Sir would hold me close.. letting me snuggle into His body.. feeling His skin against me... inhaling His scent.. feeling it infusing my mind and body with His closeness - with His love.

But days pass... months .. even years pass... we are not so new to each other anymore... He knows my body perhaps better than i know it myself.. There are no tentative slow starts... watching me for acceptance.. watching my body for the nod and the wink to continue.... Now if Sir wishes to use just the quirt - then just the quirt is used... Sir knows my body can handle it... just the whip ?? then it is just the whip........... if i cry and complain and try and wiggle away.. He tells me to hold still.. He tells me i like it (and i do)

He doesn't need hours upon hours now to assuage His need to cause pain... It is done in record time.........

And i don't "need" hours upon hours to reach my fairies either... they are alway there.. just waiting.. hiding behind the stroke of the cane or crop.. waiting to lift me up and away........ if only for a little while

BUT i miss those beginning days.. i do. Back in the beginning.. Sir would ask seriously if i was warmed up enough... and judge by my non-answer that i was indeed ready. Now He taps my ass once or twice... laughing.. and leans in and whispers "are you warmed up enough"... and it doesn't matter what i answer.. He is warmed up enough... and that is all that "matters".

Every so often Sir will say .. "have you had enough" .. and god help me if i answer NO.. for then He will go at my ass like there is no tomorrow... making me cry out.. making me beg Him to stop....... i have come to know .. it is not about me .. really understanding what that phrase means... when asked i don't answer anything now.. or simply say "yes Sir" .... because i have learned - it is NOT about me.

Now i know... KNOW.. if Sir were to play with a newbie (without me around) His style would be very different......... He would have a nice slow and easy warm up.. waiting for the body to be ready... waiting patiently.. then going full on ... taking the submissive to their happy spot... holding them there.. and then caressing them afterwards.. bringing them back slowly to the here and now.

BUT just isn't life ... is it?? Familiarity does that to couples.. be it with pain sessions.. or sex.. or just every day functions... ya get to know exactly what is needed and that is what is given.........

As much as i would like to go back to those beginning days.. (as much as i am sure Sir would like to reclaim the newness of this old subbie) it can't be done. Ohhhhhh every once in awhile Sir will do a nice slow warm up.. but it isn't the same.. it can never be the same......... for the butterfly dance is not a happy excited jig these days.. but more a graceful waltz .........