Let me give you an example..
Friday and Saturday were wonderful days with Sir.. i felt relaxed and comfy.. like i had "come home" which is a good thing.. it has taken a little while to feel "at home" in Sir's house, but i am there !!! On Sunday Sir had plans to go and visit an old friend of His .. who lost her a husband a little over a year ago (i think) These are nice people.. don't get me wrong.. but they babysit animals.. mostly cats and dogs.. in their little house.. At any time we could drop in and find them with multiple numbers of dogs and more cats than you could count. And always....... always...... the house smelled like a kennel....... and a not very clean one either. So i wasn't looking forward to the visit.. This wonderful woman (because she is !!) is the epitome of the crazy cat lady..........
Sir had told me that she has very few dogs these days as she cut back on her babysitting service.. And Sir was right (as always) she only had 3 dogs .. two of which are her own. BUT .. there were 3 cats flitting around .. and she told us she had cut back on the animals..only had the dogs and .... ready for this one............ 15 cats.. yes i said 15!! The house did smell a tad better - probably due to the fact she has removed all the carpeting.. and repainted the entire place.. but still there was an underlying scent of animal..........However.. as we drove away - having spent a couple of hours visiting with her.. i felt we had each earned stars in our crowns (as my mother used to say) because she had been so happy to see us. It takes so little to please older people.. just a little visit and conversation - it almost made me feel guilty about my doubts about going over.
Anyway....... getting back to my example... by the time we got back to Sir's house it was mid afternoon.. i was all dressed to be out in public.. and as i looked at the clock i thought to myself.. i will be leaving in a bit anyway......... so i should just leave now.........i couldn't see the point in going into Sir's getting all undressed just to get all dressed in a wee bit to come home.. so i said i would leave. BUT .. i had this huge lump in my chest.. i didn't want to leave.. but if i didn't leave then.. i could conceivably get hung up on the bridges with the returning weekend traffic.... i could land up driving home in the dusk - or worse yet the dark....... and i HATE driving in the dark!! So i left. and felt miserable. and missed Sir something awful. i don't know what the answer is........... i am feeling way too safe and protected with Sir .... and the fact is .. i still have a life over here.. that i have to live by myself... i guess i will get over this lump in my chest.. and get accustomed to a few days with Him over there.. the same as i got accustomed to a few days with Sir over here.......
i originally planned on doing a post entitled "words" .. because i do struggle some days with making myself understood with words.... BUT i have run out of time and space to do that today............ so it will wait in the wings for a day when i have the time and the 'words' to explain it fully..........
have a good Monday ...........
Living alone means never having to share the necessary.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if you've already addressed this in another post. If so, I apologize for bringing it up again. Have you considered living together - either you at his place or he at yours? I know its not the best time to sell, but maybe one of you could rent one of the places out? Or have you both decided you're both better off having your separate spaces?
ReplyDelete