Frustration with a capital "F".. that is what i am feeling today. i wrote earlier in the week that i have this massive attack of spring fever... makes me horny.. makes me climb walls.. makes me want and need and crave.......... AND i have 5 whole days off from school........ AND Sir was with me from Friday until today around 3pm... which in my imagination meant lots and lots of all that good stuff.. whips and floggers and ropes and sex.. yeah glorious sex.. lots of messy wet dripping sex.... Now the reality is....... Sir does not have spring fever.. not even a mild dose....... how come we are seldom if ever on the same page???? it is so damn frustrating!!!! The reality of the situation is.. on Friday night when Sir tucked me into bed, He used the leather tawse and the small purple flogger for all of 5 minutes on my ass.. then He fucked me and gave me one amazing orgasm...... and then turned the lights off..... and i was left thinking.. "ok not a bad start for the weekend .......... i guess"....
Saturday morning we spent running some errands... getting stuff for my secret garden.... and rushing home to get ready for our Easter celebrations with the kids....... Sunday was spent quietly.. watching tv mostly.. and then sometime around mid afternoon i rolled over on my stomach to read...... and Sir got up and got some needles .. and proceeded to stick needles into all the most sensitive places He could find... He made me yelp and cry and wiggle..... BUT after only a few short minutes He removed the needles and returned to His favourite spot on the sofa.........
Monday ... well Sir took me out for lunch.......... and then Cloud came by for coffee and a visit and Sir had to leave to go to work........... and that was my weekend..
Now a good submissive/slave would not complain right?? a good submissive/slave would not be frustrated............ see where this equation is going?? ......... therefore i can NOT be a good submissive/slave....... and it makes me want to cry... silly female.. always crying........ always wanting and needing and craving........ BUT i do remember kaya saying once......... "You made me an endophin junkie.... now feed the habit" (or something along those lines)....... but now i am scared too........ i am scared i am failing in some basic way with Sir.......... and i am scared if the day ever does come again when Sir wants to use and abuse me......... i will be one big wimpering messy lump ............. i am scared ... and frustrated.. and suffering with spring fever...........
you are not the only one crying butt knot for the same reasons...
ReplyDeleteA no good Sir,
Owner of morningstar
Aww! How sad your blog is today!! :(
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I thought you hated the word "abuse".
*hugs*
ReplyDeleteI just don't have too much more to add. It's frustrating on both sides. Keep working at it. That's all that can be done.
lady baltimore..
ReplyDeletei am sorry my blog was sad.. i honestly truly am... my finger hoovered above the delete button for minutes.. in fact it went back there today...... but i can not take back the words.. more reason to remember to put my brain in gear before i put my mouth in motion i guess...... sadly i tend to forget that addage...
and yes you are quite correct i HATE the term abuse and shouldn't use it .. even tongue in cheek...... seems there are a whole lot of things i shouldn't be doing.. and yet do.......
morningstar (owned by Warren)
morningstar -- I would have commented here yesterday, but just couldn't find anything at all to offer. Seems today you have spring in your heart and things feel better. Maybe here some too. I hope your frustrations resolve themselves well... Have hope, Dear.
ReplyDeleteswan