Serious business

It has been almost 3 weeks since Sir has played with me seriously. 3 long weeks. It is amazing how out of practice one can get in 3 long weeks... how scary the play room can look after 3 long weeks... how intimidating the wall of toys can look after 3 long weeks.

i almost prayed that i would receive a reprieve.. some sort of dispensation to save me having to go downstairs and turn on the heater. But it didn't come. What did come was the order to follow Sir down the stairs to the play room.

The cuffs went on and were attached to the cross.. i whispered to Sir how scared i was... and today i wonder what exactly it was that was scaring me.... i never seem to know what .. just that i AM. i found it hard to breath.. i couldn't find any kind of focus.. i couldn't seem to decide if this was gonna be just fun or just pain.. i couldn't seem to decide how i was gonna handle it.. and while i was doing all this "figuring" in my head.. Sir started in on me.. and i was whimpering and complaining and running fast in my head to try and catch up with Sir.. and somewhere in all that running to catch up... Sir commented on how noisy i was. That did it! my focus! not a particularily good one.. but nevertheless a point to focus on......... "Noisy am i!!!???" i thought. "ok fine BUSTER.. i won't say another word .. i won't make another sound!" all of this was punctuated with a mental stamp of my foot. And my top teeth came down firmly on my bottom lip .. and not a sound came out of my mouth.

Sir used every variety of toy that we have hanging on the wall.. and He used my favourite style.. rhythmical strokes interwoven with lots of touching and rubbing.. and contact. BUT was i processing this - the way i should have been?? oh god no....... not even close.. in my dear sweet angelic lil subbie brain i was throwing the BIGGEST temper tantrum... "noisy am i???!! i will show YOU!!!" and i would bite down even harder... i felt the floggers and the whips and the flogger of a thousand stings.. and the whippy that all but tears the skin off my ass...

and then i felt the paddle......... cold and hard and smooth against my ass... and my resolve to stay quiet all but shattered... i can NOT .. it is impossible to stay quiet when Sir uses it hard against an already battered derriere.... BUT Sir didn't use it the way He usually does.. no tap tap tap KAPOW.. no.. last night it was tap tap tap - each one a little harder than the last but NO kapow... it got to the point that i didn't know when the paddle was resting against my ass - telegraphing the next hit - or when the paddle was lifted off my ass.. or when it was hitting....... the feelings were all melded together.....and i was with my fairies dancing on the rainbow.....

Today i am ready to admit.. whatever has been ailing me for the last 3 weeks has been chased away.... i am once again fit as a fiddle.... and Sir has once again...plucked my strings..........

bowling for spanks....

Last evening Sir and i participated in a bowling fund raiser. Now to say i was less than enthusiastic about the idea is an understatement. It was worse than a vanilla event in my mind.. it was an event organised by a Church group. Now please do not get me wrong....... i have nothing .. absolutely nothing.. against the Church or people who go to church.. hells bells i used to teach Sunday School (in another life) ... and that is the point.. "in another life". i have only been to one other event that involved this group.. and i felt out of place and awkward. Now add to that it has been my own personal month from hell... et voila i was less than enthusiastic.

However .. as often happens when one anticipates a disaster... i actually had good fun!! Sir and i were paired off with another couple that we know and like (two of the organisers of the event) and we made our own fun by playing the women off against the men.. at least at our lane. Now as it would happen....... L and i were beating the pants of the men .... and enjoying it immensely! A couple of times .. Sir .. good naturedly.. warned me that i shouldn't get a higher score then His. (not subbie like or something like that......pfffffffffffft!!!) We bowled for 3 hours.. with lots of laughs and good natured ribbing. Then it was time to head home..........

In the car .. Sir asked me to work out my bowling average...... and His bowling average....... which i did quite easily. My average was 123. Sir commented in the car that He thought it would be an excellent idea to teach me that i should NEVER beat Him at anything .. And to accomplish that lesson i would receive a spank for each of the 123 points. By the time we arrived home i was pooped and asked for permission to head off to bed ..... (end of a long day and even longer week). As Sir came to chain me into bed.. He picked up one of the "upstairs" toys and gave me one good hard whallop... then smiling that evil Dom smile.. whispered as He tucked me in.. "only 122 to go".........

This morning He has used the leather tawse... with me bent over the kitchen stool .. ass all but hanging out the window for all to see... and administered 25 smacks. Then later on He picked up the snake whip .. bent me over the dining room table and extracted a further 50 hits. 47 smacks to go........

You gotta love the twist that can be put on any vanilla event .. to make it just a tad more interesting....... dontcha??

what's in a name?

A rose by any other name is still a rose...........

In Cloud’s blog this morning He asked...concerning names for slaves: "Does it matter to a sub/slave to have ownership shown in such a manner??" i tried to answer Him concisely in the comment section .. but realized i had way too many thoughts on the subject.. and that it might make a good blog.......

Does a name make one feel that one is owned??? Is it necessary to a D/s BDSM relationship to name Your slave/sub??

Once a very long time ago.. i received a doll as a gift. This doll had a hat .. on which was embroidered all the different "hats" that i wore... mother, friend, sister, teacher, wife, daughter, story teller etc etc. These were all parts of who i was. Today i still have many "names" or titles that i go by...... from morningstar to Mrs So/so to littleone to Mom to granny. All bits and pieces of who i am. When Sir calls me littleone do i feel submissive?? Does it make me feel i belong to Him?? Honestly i have to say NO. It is just a word .. a name.

Almost five years ago when i wanted to be collared to Sir.. i asked some Dom friends how one goes about it...... i was told that i should petition Sir to collar me.. i remember how damn nervous i was at the thought...... what if He said "no"?? what if He said "yes"?? It took my Sir 4 whole weeks to weigh the pros and cons of collaring me. He saw it as a huge responsibility - not something to be entered into lightly. As much as i hated that waiting period.. not knowing if my dream would come true or not..... i also realized that this was a serious request i had made...... and was very glad that Sir took it as seriously. This was not a game to be entered into lightly. This was not a collaring for play only.. this was for as long as W/we both could imagine and then god willing even longer.

When Sir collared me it was done privately.. and i cried. There was no huge fanfare or party or hoopla.... Sir took me to town and had me tattooed ..... then when W/we returned to the house, He had me follow HIm downstairs to the basement naked.. had me kneel at His feet.. and He put a silver collar around my neck. i will never forget that day. It was a simple collaring .. that meant the world to me. i was now OWNED. There was no naming involved.. what was involved was a deep abiding commitment to each other... a tattoo on my thigh.. and silver collar around my neck.

Today when i think about being owned....... about what makes me feel "owned" .. it is the right to sign my name "morningstar (owned by Warren)" or in letters to friends i use my real name but always with the "owned by Warren" following it. A name does not make me owned... it is but a word. What makes me "owned" is the commitment Sir and i have to each other.... it is the bond that has formed that holds us together through thick and thin...... It is the caring and the loving and the needing and the satisfying .. all those things make me feel owned.

thoughts on pain

Searabbit asked on Sunday’s blog "how do you manage the pain?"

i wish there was an easy answer to that question.. i really do. It would make life so simple for me and everyone who wants to know how i handle it. First off i have to say i am the world's biggest wimp when it comes to non-consentual pain - like toothaches or headaches. But let Sir pick up a whip or flogger and i am wiggling in anticipation.

And when i think about how i handle the pain - it is a bit like trying to see into an onion - there are so many layers to the "handling". If the session is a "nice" one.. where Sir starts off slow with lots of soft toys and touches and caresses .. it is easy to handle the pain. And i am ready for the next hit.. the next level .. where He takes me up nice and slow.. and plays me like a fine tuned instrument. The rhythm of the pain surrounds me and comforts me and makes me feel like i am floating on the waves in the ocean on a nice hot sunny day. It doesn't take long for the rhythm to take over my brain and it doesn't hurt at all.. it is just a.... i don't think there is a word to describe the feeling....... it just feels soooooooo right !!! so good!!! so sensuous!!

But if Sir decides to have a hard session .. then it is much more difficult for me. i once told Sir i find it so hard to only feel the pain.. it is like it is coming from somewhere out there..... it is like Sir is not there. There is just the toy and the pain. And i feel a bit isolated and alone. Those times it is very difficult to find the rhythm.. to float along with it. More often than not .. during those times.. i more or less grit my teeth and steel myself to take whatever Sir hands me. Most times i land up crying and stamping my feet.. and the crying releases all the pent up stress inside me... Eventually i find my center... it is difficult to explain.. sometimes it is a reflection of light on something shiny... or it is a spot on the wall.. or floor... but i find my center and concentrate very hard on it.. and on my breathing.. i slow my breathing way down.. relax my body and just let it all go .... and then there is no pain..... just thuds and a floaty feeling... what i like to call my fairies calling to me... and i follow them down the rainbow path.

There is also the need to please Sir. To offer myself up to Him to do with me as He wishes.. to feel His strength and command over my body. i center my mind on His need not on my needs.. or the pain.. just on Him. That was a tough lesson to learn.... because it doesn't just have to do with handling the pain.. it also has to do with His desire to NOT play .. to not use me. i used to sulk and pout when a weekend would pass without a good session..... i would feel Sir was bored with me.. was wishing for some excitment i couldn't give to Him. i am slowly learning that it isn't about what i want .. but only about what Sir wants. i also know that Sir has all my best interests at heart.. and sometimes He can see what i need.. or more importantly don't need .. better than i can. i am learning to trust Him with my whole being.

Sometimes during a particularily difficult hard session.. when i can't hear my fairies .. (like on Saturday) i just hang on.. by the skin of my teeth .. and focus on the snuggling that will happen after.. the caress of my Sir's hands not to bring pain but to bring comfort and love. The most wonderful session may be one where i have not heard my fairies.. where the pain has been nothing but PAIN .. and i have muttered kaya's favourite safe word "stop mother blankety blank blank" over and over, and when it is over Sir cuddles up on my pillow with me.. and holds me close. Who needs fairies and rainbows when one's Sir is there to hold you???

And sometimes i handle the pain.. just to hear the words " littleone you have made Me proud".

And of course there are the endorphins.........if you want a scientific explanation you might want to read this article........but all that matters to me is that since that first shot of endorphins flowed through my system..... i have craved them.

i don't know if this answers your question searabbit....... but i tried.

What kind of Soul i am

You Are a Retrospective Soul

The most misunderstood of all the soul signs. Sometimes you even have difficulty seeing yourself as who you are. You are intense and desire perfection in every facet of your life. You're best described as extremely idealistic, hardworking, and a survivor. Great moments of insight and sensitivity come to you easily. But if you aren't careful, you'll ignore these moments and repeat past mistakes. For you, it is difficult to seperate the past from the present. You will suceed once you overcome the disappoinments in life. Souls you are most compatible with: Traveler Soul and Prophet Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

on the way back

The doctor said it was the flu....... a bad case of the flu.. she gave me pills to stop the mystery pain... she shooed me back to work. Do i feel any better?? i think so.. but it would seem every time i say i am feeling better things get worse again... so i have been hiding.. going to work .. coming home falling into bed exhausted... taking the pills to make the mystery pain go away..... some days it is gone.. completely gone.. some days i can feel it nibbling just on the edges...

But Sir came this weekend...... and it felt so good to have Him here.. life felt normal again.. i cooked and i cleaned.. on Friday night Sir used His Valentine's present (from me to Him) to amuse Himself..........

i should have bought more........ BUT honestly when i saw them (clothes pegs with valentine's hearts who would have thought it !?) i really saw them on my pussy lips.. not on my tits... ohhhhhhhhhh well who can completely anticipate what a Sir will do??

Then last night Sir wanted His snake whip... the ugly painful .. i can't possibly take another stroke .. snake whip. i was spoiled.. i didn't get strung up from the chains in the basement.. i didn't get tied to the cross.. i was allowed to lie at Sir's feet on my pillow while He practiced with the whip......... AHHHHH He was delighted.. He hadn't lost the knack of twisting His wrist and flicking the whip and making me jump 10 feet in the air screeching!!! He even managed to raise a couple of welts..

He wanted to do a little tit practice.. a little nipple hitting practice.. i HATE tit practice.. i HATE nipple hitting practice.. but Sir did it... and yeah He even managed a couple of dead on bullseye hits to my nipples. Yippeee for Sir... ouch for me...

But when it was all over and i was lying safely protected in my Sir's arms.. i just had to argue with Sir.. i was a wimp.... i had to be a wimp.. i couldn't take as much as normal.. He didn't even work up a sweat.. self doubts.. god ya gotta love those self doubts......... Then this morning.... i am awake on line reading the blogs...... feeling contented that life just might be returning to normal when i went to Sir's blog and all those feelings of being a wimp.. of not being good enough.. of not fulfilling my Sir's desires vanished like a puff a smoke... tears filled my eyes.... i am - you know.. AM .. such a lucky submissive!!!

Happy Valentine's Day

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY SIR !!!

on the mend again......

i am almost afraid to say i am feeling better.. seeing as i made that announcement on Saturday and Sunday landed up flat on my back again....... but yeah.. i do believe i am on the mend again.......
Many thanks to everyone who wished me well.. especially to Tim-Elvis for suggesting i read his Life Quixotic posts...... they boggled my mind to such a degree that i drifted off to sleep .. they say sleep heals the body faster than any medicine...... and i guess i am living proof of it !!

On Saturday when i had my moment of clarity ?? my Sir set a task for me (now if that isn't sadistic i don't know what is??!! - setting a task for One's sickly subbie... woe's me)
The task was to write Sir a story........ a STORY?? i asked........ and then promptly thought the Man is definitely a Sadist with a capital "S"...... i can barely put two words together to form an intelligent sentence and HE wants a story?? yeah He wants a story and by Friday.. He pointed out i could come up with this story while i was resting... resting?? i was dying??!!! sighhhhhh

Well i did give it some thought yesterday..... and realized that thankfully there is a whole blog community out there with all sorts of ideas for themes for a story..... and no no i am not asking for any starters........ kaya has been discussing her "forced fetish" and once i got what it was she was actually talking about (ok ok come on folks .. cut me some slack .. i have been sick!!) i thought what a great idea for a story.... the introduction of forcing into a relationship. Now i have no idea if Sir will blog the story .. have me blog the story or just keep it for His private collection.........but for the next few days i will be a bit preoccupied with work - it is tax time and i have some 300+ income tax receipts to get done - and with writing this story for my Sir.........

so everyone... play fair.. share .. cooperate and go forth with purpose into the day......

Measuring up.....

Our friend Cloud posted about ”Standards”...... it was a thought provoking post for me....

i have done a fair amount of evaluating myself .. since last friday and our visit with Cloud and slave k. i believe it is important to try and improve myself to please Sir. It is part of who i am - to a degree. i HATE to be boring or stagnant. i want to always learn something new...... be it as Sir's chattel ..... or as a teacher.. or as a mother.. or grandmother! In my humble opinion it is vital to one's mental well being / health to keep on learning.. striving to improve..

Sir says He is very pleased with who and what i have become.. Cloud says there is nothing wrong with me the way i am......... BUT hang on a second here folks... through my evaluations i have discovered i have become complacent.. i am a good subbie.. GOOD??!!! what happened to terrific?? what happened to excellent?? what happened to PERFECT??!! (ok ok i know perfection is an ideal that can not be attained.......... but striving for it?? why not??) Is it wrong of me to want to strive for something more than what my Sir requires?? Won't He be surprised by this improvement.. prouder of me for doing it?? Why is it that i am supposed to sit and wait for Sir to point out my failings and then hurry to try and correct them... if i see them now why shouldn't i strive for better???

Does not all of life involve some sort of "measuring stick" to measure our progress??? In our elementary years we have testing and report cards to measure our progress.. in our adult life we have work evaluations to show progress or lack of..... each and every one of us holds a goal just in front of us .. someone or something to strive to for.

So please tell me what is wrong with meeting slave k and seeing in her qualities that i admire and would like to strive for?? what is wrong with seeing qualities in her that i had and have become lazy about using??? (talk about a little slap upside the head)... What is wrong with having a measuring stick to see how far i have come.... how much farther i need to grow?? No one can improve themselves without some sort of "measuring stick". If one lives in a vacuum how do you know if you have improved or are measuring up?? You don't...... simple as that .. You don't!

Life is about learning and improving......... and when i stop..... then let them carry me out of the house feet first !!! Until then ... hand me the measuring stick and let me go at it !

Tag - you're it!!

i was tagged by annissa.......... and was half excited to be tagged and half dumbfounded.. so here goes..........

The rules: The first player of this “game” starts with the top “5 Guilty Pleasures” and people who get tagged need to write an entry about their 5 Guilty Pleasures as well as state this rule. In the end, you need to choose the next 5 people to be tagged and list their names.

1) nightly bubble baths
2) Angel - my perfume - the scent really does lift my spirits
3) my morning coffee and cigarette
4) mornings when i can sit relax and enjoy #3 while reading my blogs - like this morning which is a late start morning at work for me
5) a large french vanilla cappuccino from Tim Hortons.

i tag........
kaya (i owe her !! BIG time)
Jo aka Searabbit (cause she needs to think about something besides colours)
cherish (cause she was the first one to get me hooked on these quizzes)
swan (because she lends a shoulder at just the right times)......
and my Sir (cause i am a wicked evil lil subbie)

raising the bar

It would seem the bar has been lifted a little higher again this weekend......... some of the lifting was done by Sir.. but some was done by me........

On Friday evening Cloud and His new slave k came over for a visit and a little play time..... and i have to admit...... am embarassed to admit...... i am jealous. slave k is everything one pictures as a good slave....... ok.. maybe not what everyone pictures.. but certainly when i close my eyes and picture a "perfect" slave .. it is slave k. she does everything she is told to do... from stripping naked to kneeling on a cold floor waiting for permission to enter. she keeps her voice low and her eyes down........ she never seems to be baited or trapped into bad behaviour.... she accepts willingly anything and everything that is done to her. ...she moves with grace... and holds herself proudly. And i keep asking myself why can't i be more like that??? Beside her i feel awkward and clumsy and disobedient and rebellious....... and it makes me sad. i want to be more like slave k....... i want to make my Sir so proud of His littleone. i wish i could find the off switch that controls my opinions and curiousity and my mouth........ oh god i wish i could find the off switch for my mouth!!
i have no "off switch" .. all i can do is work very hard to be the best submissive i can ....... with slave k as my model............

i talked a little bit about Sir's wrist action on Sunday and how He managed to get that ole snake whip to bite into my ass and make me jump. Well Sunday evening Sir allowed me to watch an Agatha Christie "Miss Marple" movie on the television. i should have known there would be some strings attached!!! At the first advertisement Sir reached for the snake whip and told me to lie on my stomach .. and for the entire 10 minutes of ads Sir practiced flicking His wrist and creating pretty welts and patterns across my ass and upper thighs.

The show came back on and i went back to watching..... Next ad.. roll on my stomach and Sir started His practicing all over again....... This went on for the full two hours of the movie !! my ass was so sore and so marked!! At one point i looked at Sir and He asked "do you wish a break ?" i came so close to saying "yes please Sir!!" but i didn't... my new improved goal was right before my eyes....... and so i said "no Sir i don't wish a break" and so He picked up the whip and went at it fast and furious until i was crying out and grabbing the pillow and literally biting it ..... the whip wrapped and caught the edge of my thigh....... and i yelped.. still it continued...it bite into the crack of my ass and i thought the pain would send me through the roof.. and still it continued.

At 10 minutes to 10 when the ad came on i looked at Sir and said "this will be the last time because this is the last ad" and He just smiled that smile Dom's get.......... and the whip cracked and bit and stung........ and then Sir picked up the tawse and finished off the evening with it.. using it with all the strength and force He had. And i turned my head a bit to watch.... and i was amazed at the strength He was using.......... and it didn't feel nearly as bad as it looked... and i realized that after the snake whip nothing could touch my inner being as much ever again............

a flick of the wrist

It would seem that blogger has experienced some difficulties this weekend....... most of the comments that folks made to my blog yesterday did not and have not appeared on it...... BUT do not dispair .. they did come through in my email. As well, i want to thank those that took the time to contact either myself or Sir personally. via email. to voice your support of my freedom of speech.......

now it is time to move on ........ to the damage a flick of one's wrist can inflict..........

Remember the snake whip i gave to Sir for His birthday??? Remember the pictures of the welts it raised on my legs??? Remember how i said how much i loved that snake whip??? Welllllllllll STOP THE PRESSES... i wish to retract that statement!!!! what WAS i thinking??? i must have been visiting my fairies.. i must have been temporarily insane.. that's it !! temporary insanity that will be my plea!!

You see... yesterday i .. being the angelic GOOD subbie i am.. i happened to notice that Sir did not have His usual 2 toys beside Him in the living room. On one of my trips downstairs to check on the laundry .. i grabbed the leather tawse and the snake whip... smiling sweetly to myself thinking how much i do enjoy that snake whip.

Well at one point yesterday i was looking forlornly out the living room window at the rain pelting down and getting lost in my thoughts about how miserable rain is compared to snow etc.. not really paying all that much attention to what my Sir was getting up to... literally and figuratively. i just suddenly felt the sting and the bite of the snake whip across my ass.. i jumped a bit .. but then settled down.. putting my hands on the top of the table and pushing my ass back and out for Sir.. making it an easier / better target. i was floating along quite nicely on the rhythm of the bite and sting....... when suddenly there was this horrific CRACK of the whip and then it BIT...... and i do mean BIT into my ass..... i must have levitated 6 feet off the floor!!! grabbed my ass and did this Irish jig type dance around the table. What the heck was that!!! Sir burst out laughing... and said He had found a new method of using the snake whip.. something to do with flicking His wrist and cracking the whip... i am supposed to understand what the H*LL He discovered??!!! i just know WHAT i discovered.... that that snake whip is no longer my favourite toy!! it is a mother blankety blank blank miserable awful hateful toy!!!! and i have this sinking feeling i am gonna get to spend my day leaning over the table by the window watching the rain pelt down.. while Sir flicks His wrist........ and more's the pity Sir does NOT intend to watch the Super Bowl game........... it's gonna be a longggggggg day.

on lying...

Below you are going to find the original post on lying that i wrote..then took down and have now decided to put back up. i decided to put it back up because of the many comments i got reminding me of my right to my opinions.........

but more so because of two people who made the most valid points to me..

1) Sir - when He arrived on Friday afternoon He asked why i had taken it down... He said.. just because you touched a nerve in some folks is no reason to take it down.
2)swan - she wrote to me privately .. and touched a nerve of her own within me...

i have never been known to walk away from issues that are important to me... and i am not gonna start now! Therefore if you don't wish to read my views on lying hit the little X on the top right hand corner of your screen......... Freedom of choice is an amazing thing isn't it???!!!


When i was a kid i remember seeing the movie Pinocchio...... and the thing that worried me the most was the fact that his nose grew when he told a lie. For a kid.. lies are pretty straight forward...... i know.. i deal with kid's lies every working day .......... and usually a stern look and the words "tell me the TRUTH" works and the truth comes spilling out .. and no one's nose grows to epic lengths..........

But then we grow up......... and we discover that lying is part of the adult world.... Everyone does it! and "everyone" can usually rationalize WHY they lie... Politicians lie constantly - some days i wonder if they even know what the truth is anymore.. friends lie to each other.. white lies about the new dress.. the new hair colour .. lovers lie to each other about how good the sex was.. or how much they enjoyed the dinner.. whatever.. people lie all the time......

i have seen.. in my years in the lifestyle.. many people who lie .. to their spouses.. to their subs.. to their Doms... when i hear a lie.. or learn of one.. it truly upsets me... in this lifestyle the bond between Dom and sub is based on respect and trust and a whole mess of values....... how can anyone trust or respect someone that lies??? When i was first discovering the lifestyle i was married........... i never once hid my interest from my spouse.. He was NOT interested .. but allowed me the freedom to find my way....... never once did i lie to him........ Sir and i have friends who are married and are in the lifestyle but their spouses are not......... and they do NOT lie either..... the spouses know of their interest and participation ...... the subs / Doms know that they are married.... and this can only be a part time weekend sort of relationship......

Once a long time ago...... way back when i was trainee .. Sir lied to me .. by omission.. i was standing quietly just behind Him.. as He had taught me..He didn't realize i was there .. listening.. He was talking to another sub (slash Dom) who was looking for a session. He made plans to visit her. He did not tell me. i waited and waited for Him to tell me.. He didn't. Finally i confronted Him...... He looked shocked.. i was hurt. i was angry. i lost a fair amount of trust. Yes i know .. some of you believe my Sir does NOT have to tell me anything.. and this is a grey area for me........ there were a whole mess of issues involved in this particular situation....... BUT for me the biggest one was lying by omission.... It took a long time for Sir to earn back that trust .......... We understand each other better now.....

Because i have such a strong belief system when it comes to lying.. i struggle with people who lie .. openly. i have been reading a blog where the submissive is collared to a married man...... she only gets to see him when he can sneak away (my words definitely not their words!) i have been struggling so hard with how she bonds with Him.. how she builds up trust with Him.. so this week when there was a situation arose that will delay His leaving His wife ... i posted a comment..... asking her how she can trust someone who lies....... ok ok.. maybe i should have put my brain in gear before i put my fingers in motion...... but i am nothing if not a) curious about how other people work through difficult situations and b) blunt. And i honestly never meant to hurt her..... (sadly it would appear i did) ........ i just honestly wanted to know how she reconciled her life with a man who started it all off by lying to the woman he married and loved........ shrug... i guess sometimes i am naive.. and am a bit like a child with an open curiousity to know how people deal with other issues... issues that i find tough to understand.. be it lying or poly or switching....... any of these issues make me curious to learn more.. to understand how others cope.. to broaden my (sometimes) narrow view of life........

Delicate Issues

i have deleted my entry on lying. In no way did i ever mean to cause pain or discomfort to anyone. What i post here are my opinions.. and i am learning sometimes my opinions are best kept to myself.

A day in the life of........

Lady Baltimore asked me to describe one of my week days and one of my weekend days ....... and she asked why Sir and i don't live together.... sooooo here goes " a day in the life of ..........."

To understand a week day in my life... i guess a good place to start is an explanation of why Sir and i do not live together 24/7...... Mostly the reasons are work and family related .... Sir lives a distance from me... He has family responsibilities there and His work is there...... the distance is just a tad too far for either of us to pick up roots and move and then have to commute to and from work.......

Now let's pick Monday...... on Monday morning - as with most work mornings... i am up at 5:30....... i feed the cats.. have my juice and make coffee and then bring the coffee upstairs to the "office" to write my private journal to Sir. This journal must be written and emailed to Sir no later than 7:30 a.m. (this applies to weekends and holidays as well.... something i tend to bitch about - cause i would love the chance to sleep in once in awhile) Then if i have time i read some of the blogs i have grown attached to... and then hit the showers.... and get ready for work... on Mondays i also must leave Sir's breakfast ready for Him and the newspaper laid out on the table... before i leave for work... i pack my lunch.. grab my gear and am usually out of the house by just after 7:00 a.m....

i am usually home by 4:30 (if all goes well with my day) and the minute i come in i must strip down to a tshirt or sweatshirt only! no underwear for those inquiring minds out there...... then i crank up the pc and text message Sir to tell Him i am home. Some days Sir will have emailed me with tasks to complete.. anything from a post to the mailing group "Knotty in and around" about upcoming events etc... or ironing that i have let slide.. or some such thing.... then i am free to have a rest or write an entry to my blog.. make dinner and feed the cats.... by 8:00 p.m. i must be online on msn to chat with Sir till 9:00 p.m. During that chat i am expected to wear my leather collar (i wear a chain mail collar/necklace during the day for vanilla folks) and have my cam on so that Sir can watch what i am doing.. or just get a feel for how i am physically/emotionally.. and we usually discuss the events that happened during our day..
At 9:00 p.m. sharp i am sent for my bath.. and then bed.. most nights i listen to the radio till i fall asleep - Sir jokes i am usually asleep within 2 minutes.. i say that is because i have a clear conscience..... being the "angel" that i am.......

Saturday - i wake up usually around 6:30 .. i am always chained to the bed when i sleep with Sir..... i am allowed to unchain myself.. and i quietly exit the bedroom. i crank up the pc then head downstairs to feed the cats - drink my juice and make a cup of coffee for myself which i bring upstairs to the office and write the private journal. Then i quickly read through my favourite blogs... answer emails... and wait till i hear Sir's feet hit the floor (usually around 8:00 a.m.) ... then i go downstairs and pour Sir's juice and take it to Him .. and then make breakfast. i am never allowed to sit down at the table without Sir's permission..... i am always as naked as possible - which because of the window placement and the proximity of my neighbours - means i am usually clad in a Tshirt or sweat shirt (depending on the temperature) ... i always sit on a towel because as Sir loves to remind me i am usually in an aroused stated and He wouldn't want me leaving my mark everywhere.

Our weekends are spent pretty much like anyone else's.. We run errands ..i do the laundry and some chores.. we read the papers.. we watch tv. There are some differences to our routine though...... i never sit on the furniture.. i have a big puffy pillow on the floor by Sir's chair which i sit on when we are in the living room..... There is always a toy or two by Sir's side and He will - as the spirit moves Him - order me to present myself - or assume the position - and have my ass spanked/flogged/caned. i must ask for permission to go to the toilet.. i must ask permission to come upstairs and read my emails or finish reading my blogs or write an entry in my blog...
Sir can and does use me sexually ( i find it difficult to find the words to describe having sex .. cause it isn't vanilla sex .. in the bedroom in the bed after lights out sort of thing... it is pretty much anywhere He wishes it.... i can be bent over the kitchen counter while i am making a meal.. or be told to spread my legs while we are watching tv ... i can be hanging from the chains in the playroom or strung up to the cross....... it isn't fucking.. it isn't making love.. it IS loving.. it IS sexual and it IS fun! - more fun than i ever had with vanilla sex)

Usually at least once a day over the weekends Sir takes me down to the playroom for a long session.... i am hung from the chains or strung up to the cross... a session can last from 10 minutes to over an hour.. it all depends on Sir ..
Often times Sir might decide to do a little needle play in the living room.. or wax and ice play in the living room...

Sir's body rhythms and mine are very different....... He is a night owl and i am a morning person... so i tend to "poop out" much earlier than He does.. no matter how hard i try to stay up with Him.. usually around 11 p.m. or so (if we are home) i ask for permission to get ready for bed..... once i am ready for bed i call down to Sir and tell Him i am ready.. He then comes up and places the cuff and chain around my ankle... then i stand up and kiss Him goodnight and we hug....... then i crawl back into bed... sometimes Sir just tucks me in.. other times He will reach for one of the toys that is always in the bedroom - a cane or a tawse and give my ass a few good whallops before tucking me in and saying goodnight..... and sometimes we will have a quiet little chat .. i call them sleepy chats .. about things.. stuff... as i drift off to sleep.......

Pretty mundane stuff eh Lady Baltimore?? (grinning) i tend to believe (if you omit the sadistic / masochistic stuff) that we are pretty much a replica of a 1950's married couple.. and as i have maintained before... people standing behind us in line at the store would never guess what we do behind closed doors ..............