on lying...

Below you are going to find the original post on lying that i wrote..then took down and have now decided to put back up. i decided to put it back up because of the many comments i got reminding me of my right to my opinions.........

but more so because of two people who made the most valid points to me..

1) Sir - when He arrived on Friday afternoon He asked why i had taken it down... He said.. just because you touched a nerve in some folks is no reason to take it down.
2)swan - she wrote to me privately .. and touched a nerve of her own within me...

i have never been known to walk away from issues that are important to me... and i am not gonna start now! Therefore if you don't wish to read my views on lying hit the little X on the top right hand corner of your screen......... Freedom of choice is an amazing thing isn't it???!!!


When i was a kid i remember seeing the movie Pinocchio...... and the thing that worried me the most was the fact that his nose grew when he told a lie. For a kid.. lies are pretty straight forward...... i know.. i deal with kid's lies every working day .......... and usually a stern look and the words "tell me the TRUTH" works and the truth comes spilling out .. and no one's nose grows to epic lengths..........

But then we grow up......... and we discover that lying is part of the adult world.... Everyone does it! and "everyone" can usually rationalize WHY they lie... Politicians lie constantly - some days i wonder if they even know what the truth is anymore.. friends lie to each other.. white lies about the new dress.. the new hair colour .. lovers lie to each other about how good the sex was.. or how much they enjoyed the dinner.. whatever.. people lie all the time......

i have seen.. in my years in the lifestyle.. many people who lie .. to their spouses.. to their subs.. to their Doms... when i hear a lie.. or learn of one.. it truly upsets me... in this lifestyle the bond between Dom and sub is based on respect and trust and a whole mess of values....... how can anyone trust or respect someone that lies??? When i was first discovering the lifestyle i was married........... i never once hid my interest from my spouse.. He was NOT interested .. but allowed me the freedom to find my way....... never once did i lie to him........ Sir and i have friends who are married and are in the lifestyle but their spouses are not......... and they do NOT lie either..... the spouses know of their interest and participation ...... the subs / Doms know that they are married.... and this can only be a part time weekend sort of relationship......

Once a long time ago...... way back when i was trainee .. Sir lied to me .. by omission.. i was standing quietly just behind Him.. as He had taught me..He didn't realize i was there .. listening.. He was talking to another sub (slash Dom) who was looking for a session. He made plans to visit her. He did not tell me. i waited and waited for Him to tell me.. He didn't. Finally i confronted Him...... He looked shocked.. i was hurt. i was angry. i lost a fair amount of trust. Yes i know .. some of you believe my Sir does NOT have to tell me anything.. and this is a grey area for me........ there were a whole mess of issues involved in this particular situation....... BUT for me the biggest one was lying by omission.... It took a long time for Sir to earn back that trust .......... We understand each other better now.....

Because i have such a strong belief system when it comes to lying.. i struggle with people who lie .. openly. i have been reading a blog where the submissive is collared to a married man...... she only gets to see him when he can sneak away (my words definitely not their words!) i have been struggling so hard with how she bonds with Him.. how she builds up trust with Him.. so this week when there was a situation arose that will delay His leaving His wife ... i posted a comment..... asking her how she can trust someone who lies....... ok ok.. maybe i should have put my brain in gear before i put my fingers in motion...... but i am nothing if not a) curious about how other people work through difficult situations and b) blunt. And i honestly never meant to hurt her..... (sadly it would appear i did) ........ i just honestly wanted to know how she reconciled her life with a man who started it all off by lying to the woman he married and loved........ shrug... i guess sometimes i am naive.. and am a bit like a child with an open curiousity to know how people deal with other issues... issues that i find tough to understand.. be it lying or poly or switching....... any of these issues make me curious to learn more.. to understand how others cope.. to broaden my (sometimes) narrow view of life........