It's easy to 'write' I am my #1 - not so easy to follow through with it.
There's a lot of responsibility to being your own #1......... and areas that I really need to work on...........
Boredom can be one of the pitfalls
After all I can't play 7 days a week - the body - no matter how fit - would eventually give out. BUT there are the days that I have no one coming - no one here and I have to amuse myself. Trust me you can only clean the apartment so many times - you eventually run out of laundry to do - or groceries to buy - and the gym only fills a very small portion of my day. AND I am not a window shopper. and YES I do have paid work that trickles in in bunches. BUT that still leaves a whole mess of time to fill
Aftercare is another one of my pitfalls
No matter how good the scene was - no matter how contented I feel - how high my endorphin levels are - there comes a time when some after care - and I do mean AFTER - is needed. When I had another #1 and I was #2 - I could go and say "I just really need a hug right now" and most of the times I could get one. and truthfully that was all it took. Now I am #1 - no hugs are available on demand. (and Miss Priss my poly cat is not much good at hugs - grinning)
Most of the time after care is not necessary - it's all a mind set I think. IF I hear the words "good girl" or "you did well" especially as the session is ending - my heart hears the words and stores them. And check-in emails the next day are pretty satisfying too.
And as much as the party line runs - "bubble baths, chocolate, candles, everything that is comforting for you" - the bare bones truth is - they don't work most of the time AND sub drop won't kill you ! And in a day or two you'll be back to normal and 'jonesing' for more sessions.
I am thinking I just have to grind my teeth - shed a few tears - and crawl through it.
Cancellations are another pitfall for sure
It's been a rough winter - with storms cancelling more than one play session. AND unfortunately I let my mind go 'there' - probably long before I should - BUT - I like the tension - the building anticipation - so this is MY cross to bear (so to speak) I could chose to ignore the building of fear/anticipation...... and wake up the morning of and go there when all is "a go".......... but that's not how I work - shrug - so it is really truly my problem to deal with........... cause ya know - sometimes 'life just happens'.
Lack of Intimacy is another pitfall
and this could probably fall under "aftercare" - cause sometimes I just want/need some intimacy - snuggling and gentle touches and soothing kisses. BUT again for now - there are some sacrifices to be made because of choices I have made. And that's ok! It is what it is - right? :)
And ya know writing out the pitfalls of being #1 has done a lot to show me there aren't that many - and for the most part I have it handled.
I think I need to do one more post on #1......... The Definite Advantages of being #1....... another day - another blog entry