Saturday, December 12, 2015
Mental Health Check.
Two months ago I saw my doctor for my yearly check up. At the time (if you remember) I asked to see a therapist - I felt like my world had imploded and couldn't find a way to patch it back together. He got me an appointment with a therapist - AND insisted I come back to see him in 2 months.
Yesterday was my 2 month mental health check up.
The doctor saw me... not a resident......... which told me how worried he must have been about me 2 months ago. Usually I see a resident and if necessary the doc will drop in at the end to say "hi". Not this time.
First thing he wanted to know was how I was doing............. but also said he had a feeling I was doing much better ...... yup much better. We talked a little bit about some of the awkward moments that have happened in the last 2 months..... like W sending me gift cards for my birthday....... and how - for the first time in 4 months - we actually bumped into one another at the shops this week.
I had commented a couple of times - that seeing how close we live - that we basically shop in the same stores - it was amazing we hadn't bumped into one another before.. and then there I was facing him in the drugstore - thinking "this is awkward!" We smiled at each other made awkward mumbled comments and kept on moving....... I guess the first meeting is the worst. The doc agreed - first is the worst ...... and then moved on to tell me what he hopes I will accomplish with the therapist ......... like not making the same mistake twice - choosing someone who is so wrong for me.......
Then the doc brought the conversation around to the weight I have lost. He showed me a graph on the computer that was just this red line that started in the top left corner of the screen and angled straight down to the bottom of the right hand corner. He wanted to know how much weight I was planning on losing....... I said I thought another 20 + pounds. He rolled his eyes at me and asked if we could compromise - say maybe 10 more??? I promised I would consider it....... but that I did plan to take a "holiday" from walking my 10,000 steps and measuring and weighing my food for 2 weeks over the holidays. I earned the right to celebrate, He laughed and said I had more than earned the right!!
In my heart of hearts I know I am going to go for the 20+ pounds. In my logic the weight will stop coming off when I have reached my "ideal" weight - that my body knows what that weight is.
We did talk a little bit about my joining a dating web site. The doc rolled his eyes again - and that's when he brought up the topic of my discussing not falling into old traps with my therapist.
I think I know what he means..... I am not cured for sure - but I do know I am being very picky who I even correspond with..... I am not settling. I have had a few offers of coffee/dinner and turned them down - they were too far away - or not my type etc..... but there is one that peaks my curiosity. BUT I am not desperate to have a man in my life... I am not looking for anything more than a date here and there - an excuse to dress up and go out and hopefully have challenging conversations and light hearted discussions and some laughs. Nothing more ............. thank you very much. I learned a very hard lesson with W....... my walls are up ........... and I am not sure there is anyone who is gonna take them down ever again.
Anyway - all in all the mental health check went well...... got a gold star for taking control of my weight and sugars....... and don't have to see the doc for at least 4 months. (though I do continue with the therapist)