Over the last little while I have been watching a number of D/s M/s BDSM relationships imploding....both online and in real time.
I have listened to the advice everyone has to give........ and trust me when a relationship - any relationship - is imploding the people with advice come out of the woodwork!
We - subbies or slaves or whatever the hell title you use - tend to take the blame on our shoulders - cause that's what we do best!! It's our job - after all - to make sure everything runs smoothly and by god when it doesn't it MUST be our fault!
And I have watched the stages we subbies/slaves/whatevers go through - from working doubly hard to fix "it" ....... to throwing up our hands... to crying and ranting... to working harder still ... to resignation.
I was thinking about it all this morning....... mostly because of a vow of yet another subbie/slave/whatever to work hard to make herself a better slave/subbie.
She will toil and slave and make his life so easy. She will smile and speak softly and be invisible and magically all the household chores/tasks will be done. She won't ask for anything. His life will be perfect. His life will have no disruptions. He won't have to think of anything because it will be taken care of before he can even think about it. All his needs/desires will be satisfied.
Because in some alternate universe - someone decided that GOOD subs/slaves should not have the right to pleasure.
In the beginning there were negotiations - and the Dom and sub looked at them - and they were pleased. In those negotiations were the things the sub/slave could count on - expect even. In those negotiations there was a list of her needs/wants and maybe even desires. AND the Dom agreed to that.
Now who died and made the Dom god? huh?? who? Since when does he decide he isn't going to fulfill his side of the bargain anymore and the sub/slave takes all the blame on her shoulders??!!!
In REAL life, people - if someone doesn't fulfill their end of the contract the contract is null and void. The wounded party doesn't decide it's all their fault............
IF M/s D/s relationships are real - not games that you play - then it's time both parties lived up to their end of the negotiations.
and before anyone assumes I am talking about me and Sir - you're wrong - we're working things out.. slowly..... this whole blog consists of rambling thoughts spilling around in my head.