Friday, March 02, 2012

The little engine that could.....






Do any of you remember the story of the little engine that could???? he kept saying "I think I can I think I can " and then he did.

That was my day yesterday.  

A lot of silly little things went wrong.... we had a snow storm - my brush to clean the car broke - my windshield wiper on the driver's side has a rubber problem - I discovered that I was driving with an outdated insurance form in my wallet - outdated by 2 years - and of course in my panic couldn't find the new one - (thankfully didn't discover this fact by 'accident') ... was carrying an overhead projector out of my office and nearly dropped it - in the process I pulled multiple muscles in my arms and chest and back - 

And then I was driving home at lunch time and realized my heart was pounding - my body was shaking - my palms were all sweaty - I was having trouble breathing.......... and I realized - after some deep breaths - that I was having a panic attack.  

I haven't had one in years.......... must be 4 or 5 years actually.  I had almost forgotten what one feels like.  Fortunately I remembered before I pressed the panic button and called 911.  I was not dying.  I just had to get control.  Not always easy to do when you aren't feeling all that in control.

My mantra became "I think I can I think can I think can" .  

I found the new insurance form (I think I can I think I can) .... I took advil for the sore, strained muscles (I think I can I think I can) .... I used the broken head brush to clean off my car (I think I can I think I can) ........ I muddled through the last of the paper work at school (I think I can I think I can)...........I did the deposits for my lil Prek (I think I can I think I can) .... I paid my employee at the Prek (I think I can I think I can) 

And then I came home to peace and quiet and safety of my lil house.  I did it!  I made it through the day and nothing  really terrible or horrible happened.  I put on my pjs, fed the cat, fed myself, curled up on the sofa under a blanket and let the muscles relax....... it was over.  

For now.

I am guessing one is never "cured" when it comes to panic attacks....... nor is one (well at least me) ever fully aware of what will cause one.  Lesson learned ! 

2 comments:

saffy said...

Hugs and then some more hugs... oh i know that little red train well... And having suffered from panic attacks on and off for years i know the relief and bliss it must have felt when you reached home . Heres to a better day for you today

Anonymous said...

Whew! You did well...yes you did... yes you did... yes you did!
Sometimes mind over 'matter' really works. Congratulations, panic attacks are not easily controlled.

Joyce