Monday, July 27, 2015

Found my Wings..

Sitting here this morning I am desperately trying to find the words to describe the amazing adventure I had this weekend............. I do feel very much like I have found my wings again!

I was invited to spend the weekend with friends.  This wasn't the first time.  I have been before.  It was a time for me to de-stress - to laugh and chat and just be myself for a few hours.  It was in a sense my saving grace.
Over the last many months I have been in limbo I guess.... figuring I was going back to vanilla - knowing the last thing I needed/wanted was another D/s relationship - the last one just drained the soul out of me I think.  I had very little interest in playing - I would try to pull up the old desire - but honestly I just couldn't find it.  It was gone.

But over the last few weeks I had started to perv porn again (ok ok you can all close your mouths now - yes sometimes I DO perv porn!!) and the fantasies started to dance around the edges of my mind ... tickling me... and then slipping away again like a mist over the lake... but never gone for long - drifting back - reminding me of who I am at my very core.

I started to wish I could try pushing some of my HARD limits - find out what I was missing - if indeed I was missing anything........ wouldn't know till I tried right??? but then those thoughts would mist over and float away.....

And then - there I was driving to my friends with my imagination working in over drive.  I tried to push the thoughts away - after all - these are friends - with a capital F.  We really hadn't even discussed playing..............What the HELL was I doing!!??

And yes - you have figured it out - smart people......... we did play on Friday night AND again on Saturday night.  I wonder if they saw the need burning inside me - a need I still did not want to acknowledge ...  

Today I am sitting with fairy marks on my thighs and ass that make me smile.. that leave me feeling tingly and warm and right about myself again........ Hopefully in the next few days I will find the words to describe in more detail how so many walls came tumbling down - from flimsy fall over in a soft breeze wall - to built of mortar and bricks strong.  

For now I just need to sort it out - take it from wisps of memories that dance naked in my mind - to grown up intelligent words that make sense ........... For now be happy for me as I have found my wings again.............  

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