pretty much describes our life ...........
We are a family -- he works to pay the bills -- I cook and clean and do child care - and take care of my expenses. At night we're so tired we fall into bed .... whisper in each other's ear for a while then fall asleep -- get up the next day and do it all again.
I'm an outsider -- no matter how you slice it -- I am an outsider. I have no voice with the lawyers -- or Youth Protection. The other family treats me like I have the plague
And sometimes so does the lil one. Sometimes he doesn't see how much this hurts me
I don't look for kinky activities anymore -- cause ya know -- it's not as good if I feel it's just for me. Not as good at all.
I ask myself -- is this life now? and I know it is. Now I need to adjust my thought processes -- find my way in this reality -- that truthfully always was the reality -- only I am a dreamer -- always have been.
I love this man I call Sir Steve -- nothing can or will change that. It's just my dreams I have to adjust --- so they meld better with the reality.
Honestly, you sound ungrateful. You knew coming in that Sir Steve had a child and she would come first. He also has to work. You can’t live in a 24 hour sex fantasy. That’s just not realistic. Instead of inventing creative and exotic ways to get around normal life, all you seem to do is complain, about poor Sir Steve who is honestly trying his best.
ReplyDeleteI actually like vanilla, as it is a subtle yet definite flavour, one that can be enlivened and improved with other flavours added. I know you said you have had some knife play recently - that's adding SPICE... the Planet of Gor (thankfully) doesn't exist- and I don't think anyone lives a kinky lifestyle 24/7 ... that is to my mind, fantasy. When Doug and I were D/s, we had four kids - sometimes went for LONG periods of time with no kink - that's the reality of life with kids, jobs, responsibilities. I've been following you a long time and it seems to me you got nothing with W - not any kink (other than play parties once in a while), no sex, no cherishing, and no voice. I think it is human nature to hanker about our daydreams, but truth I think you have it pretty sweet! Amazing sex, warm arms, a caring man who guides and cherishes - and yes, realities like childcare, cleaning, cooking might not be all they're cracked up to be, but there are compensations.
ReplyDeletemorningstar, I know that you are simply expressing what is going through your mind today. Tomorrow, or next weekend, there will be kinky play and you will be on top of the world once more.
ReplyDeleteDo you need a new outlet for your energies? Perhaps another course in photography, or something completely different? Or volunteer work? A part-time job at a school? How about an online course or a brand new hobby?
Hugs,
Hermione
Its a hard place to be in. Sir and I don't have any children, but at times we find it hard to keep up with kink, which is what makes us happy. I get sad and irritable the longer we go without BDSM.
ReplyDeleteMy cousin is in a similar situation as you, being step-mom to her man's (not so little anymore) kid. And she too, is an outsider. She's not mom, she really doesn't have a say with CYS... but over time I will say that her opinion and feelings have mattered to that little one more and more, and that CYS did eventually take her into consideration.
Kids will surprise you, especially as they get older. They'll figure things out: who is really there for them, who is stable, who is not. Just continue being the great person you are with that kid, and one day she will realize who has been there for her. Who loves her, without conditions, even when it means you sacrifice much.
But I think you can have your family and kink too... it's just trickier, and there will probably be bigger gaps between kinky stuff. I hope you guys figure it out together.