Monday, February 05, 2018

Selfish Me

We had an amazing weekend (mostly).

We had sex on Saturday afternoon -- then pizza in bed for supper (well not really in bed -- too messy -- but we had pizza and then headed back to bed)  We had sex on Sunday and my heart was so full ya know.... it has been my fantasy to spend a whole weekend in bed making love -- so yeah it was amazing.

There was no play though -- no whips and floggers and paddles oh my!!  Sir Steve had said (promised?) that there would be knife play -- and as the weekend passed I realized there'd be no knife play -- and I felt a little selfish ya know -- I had so much to be thankful for -- and still I wanted MORE.  Sir Steve with a devilish grin said on Sunday afternoon 'the weekend isn't over yet'.... so I held out hope that the knives would come out Sunday night after the lil one was tucked safely into bed.

BUT when he came home from picking up the lil one he said "wanna have a smoke?" which is code for 'come out on the front deck -- we have to talk'.  My heart sank.  I knew the bubble I had been living in all weekend was about to be popped.  

And it was

Mother is going away AGAIN for 3 weeks.... and we have the lil one for the next two weekends -- no more privacy -- no more adult time.

And the problem with that is mainly we change -- Sir Steve becomes Daddy first and lover is somewhere down the long list of priorities.. I become 'Just S' and the chief cook and bottle washer around here.   AND the whips and floggers don't come out when she is home -- I don't even dream about them.  It's been so long since they came out -- it seems it takes us time to change back from a vanilla couple raising a 5 year old to a sexually charged kinky couple.

The really stupid thing -- the knives didn't come out...... I am sure because I was so f**king stressed/upset/depressed over the loss of adult time and Sir Steve didn't know how to handle it.... and that just made me more upset!!  BUT if he had taken me to bed last night and brought the knives out and played with me -- my mood would have lifted so fast....... cause it would mean he saw a way of creating adult time for us even with the lil one at home.

AND before anyone jumps on me and says I should have asked for it......... I had asked for the knives (which is a BIGGY for me asking for something I need/want) I wasn't going to ask again

Now we plan 'adventures' for the lil one ......... our adult adventures are put on the back burner yet again........... and that is not a happy thing for me 

and yeah

maybe I am a selfish bitch.


  1. Oh i know sometimes we think "if only... " then our moods would get better immediately. But I dunno, sometimes when BIKSS tries something it only makes me more pissed.

    But that's just me. I'm sorry your bubble got busted - i DO hope he manages SomE playtime even when the lil one is around for the next few weeks. I do know it'll be really difficult tho.

    Hang in there. Someone once told me - if it can't get any worse then it can only get better right?

  2. I don't know the whole terms of everything but all parents or care fovets deserve their own time and breaks. Maybe hire a babysitter for the lil one on the weekend or one of the weekends and Sir Steve and yourself and go out you on a date. Even if the date is just a car things can happen in cars.

  3. Not selfish at all! I totally understand, and I am not as fond of children as you are. The one fly in the ointment when my beloved and I got together was his son's visits every Friday night. I couldn't wait for him to be gone early Saturday afternoon.

    But what happens when you get full custody? She will be around even more then, no?

    I agree with thewomaninacape. Can you find a child minder for a few hours? A playdate at another child's home?


  4. I think it’s the inconsistency that’s making you most crazy. That and the mother in question is taking advantage of....well a whole lot of things.

    Once you can work out the inconsistency, the womaninacape‘s plan will work out well.


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