Needless to say - since yesterday - and being me - I have tried to figure out what has been going on in my addled brain.
I think some of it is a broken promise - to myself. No more fantasies or daydreams or fiction. Live life in real time - whatever way it works for "US".
BUT I have to admit - I had this idea of what 24/7 would look like - feel like - sound like. And real life is no where close to that. I have even tried wearing 'dresses' all the time... and every once in a long while I have even knelt at W's feet (which involved a whole mess of groaning and moaning and less than graceful actions to get myself upright again)
I keep reminding myself this is not what I want - but what he wants. This is about me being gracefully submissive and not a demanding brat. But from time to time I get this overwhelming feeling of being a 50's housewife and is that all there is............and I admit it brings me down.
But then the moment passes and we laugh together and tease and talk and I realize there is no where else in the whole world I would rather be.... I love this man (whom I will be officially calling "my Sir" in a few short weeks - and yes that was a "teaser") And THIS - here and now - is the reality of our 24/7.
you should walk in My shoes sometime...
ReplyDeleteW
I think you've retired, moved, sold your home, and are now living FT with another human being. That's a lot to deal with and you are doing great.
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