Dreams versus Reality

Needless to say - since yesterday - and being me - I have tried to figure out what has been going on in my addled brain.

I think some of it is a broken promise - to myself.  No more fantasies or daydreams or fiction.  Live life in real time - whatever way it works for "US".  

BUT I have to admit - I had this idea of what 24/7 would look like - feel like - sound like.  And real life is no where close to that.  I have even tried wearing 'dresses' all the time... and every once in a long while I have even knelt  at W's feet (which involved a whole mess of groaning and moaning and less than graceful actions to get myself upright again)

I keep reminding myself this is not what I want - but what he wants.  This is about me being gracefully submissive and not a demanding brat. But from time to time I get this overwhelming feeling of being a 50's housewife and is that all there is............and I admit it brings me down.

But then the moment passes and we laugh together and tease and talk and I realize there is no where else in the whole world I would rather be.... I love this man (whom I will be officially calling "my Sir" in a few short weeks - and yes that was a "teaser")  And THIS - here and now - is the reality of our 24/7.