Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Protocols - just MY opinion.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about protocols - since the weekend.   I've been thinking about the "I am God" statement - how much that just pisses me off.  I've been thinking about the 128 rules I read once upon a time on the net.  I've been thinking about why it seems to me a lot of the time protocols don't work - and why most of the D/s relationships I have seen / known have imploded - or disappeared - or really REALLY struggled.

I have written this blog entry 2 .. 3 times and deleted it.  

And this morning I finally realized what has been wrong - with my opinion on protocols and protocols in general.

I believe (and please remember anything written here is no more than my opinion!!) that we try too hard to create some fantasy vision of what BDSM looks like.

No one can live in a fantasy world too long - before they cart them off to the loony bin that is.  

Protocols and all that is BDSM must be molded around and into a vanilla world - into every day life.  BUT more than that they must be molded to fit the couple.  

I am not going to sit here and tell some newbie that their dream of a "cunt in a box" will not work.  I am not going to sit here and tell anyone that their dream of having a "fuck toy" isn't going to work.  I am not going to sit here and tell you that your dream of serving on your knees - of denying your needs / wants / desires / personality to put your God like Dom first is not going to work.

I am going to tell you that I have watched - granted from afar - a "cunt in a box " disappear - a "fuck toy" become a wife and mother and actually be going to PTA meetings , that one after the other ever yielding submissive slave has stood up from her kneeling position and announced "ENOUGH".

I don't know for a fact what happened....... I do know I have some suspicions....... it all became too much to maintain 24 hours a day 7 days a week.  I believe it got old and boring and tiring.  

So where does that leave us with protocols??? 

Well I am thinking protocols may be necessary for public events - rules to live by for a short period of time......... just to make sure that everyone is on the same page and plays nice and shares.

I am thinking protocols between couples should be realistic - not some fantasy of online drivel.   

I keep thinking of one protocol that W and I had when I was collared to him.  A simple one that sorta / kinda made sense.  That showed my respect to him.. that showed my place in the scheme of things.

Every time W came to the house I was to greet him at the front door kneeling.  

Ok simple enough right??? Except front door got changed to front hall cause there wasn't enough room at the front door.  Except my knees don't bend like they used to and getting down was a long awkward procedure ...... and most of the time I was still getting down when he was in the front door - and was moving into the kitchen to dump his "stuff" and take his coat off ..........AND sometimes he even forgot to acknowledge me - or tell me to get up so I could take his "stuff" because he was so busy unloading.

So not so simple a protocol.

And I had great trouble not disagreeing with W.  Not all the time - but just during those times when I didn't agree.  

I am human - a thinking breathing human with my own opinions on stuff (now there's a shock right??) And when I did disagree - after biting my tongue for a long time - it usually landed up with me feeling angry and W feeling angry.

Now ......... NOW......... things are so much better that I don't have to pretend that W is GOD.  I disagree with him... and he listens to me and we discuss things... and sometimes we come away agreeing to disagree.  BUT I do know that I don't get nearly as angry anymore (well most of the time - I am a bit of a hot head) because I feel that W is listening to me and hearing me.......... and validating my feelings.  (Cause ya see sometimes a GOD-like Dom doesn't see the need to validate their s-type's feelings - cause after all they are ONLY an s-type) 

I do believe that protocols can create a thing of beauty - the Japanese tea service comes to mind - with it's rituals and flowing movements that creates a thing of beauty.  

I think protocols should validate BOTH the GOD-like Dom and the s-type.  Bringing them closer together - not elevating one above the other.  It is in our natures to be dom or sub and I believe we need to follow our instincts - not force them - not regulate them.  And the end product might produce a Dom / sub relationship that is a thing of beauty.


  1. Anonymous6:30 am

    Beautifully stated, morningstar! Keep up the good work!

    Yay!! you are getting better...BEGONE DAMN COLD!!


  2. Anonymous7:03 am

    This too made me laugh. Be tough kneeling at our front door, it's full of sawdust!

  3. I so agree....protocols need to fit the situation and the people. Ours have changed or been adpated over time. I do need them and they are useful, but they should be used to make our connection stronger. Great post!

  4. Standing Frigging Ovation! Awesomely put! People forget that protocols are just guild lines to live by and shouldn't necessarily dominant the entire relationship. Like everything else theirs a time and place, and they should be modeled to each couples particular needs. Protocols aren't black and white, no more then our roles in the lifestyle are black and white. I loved this post!


Popular Posts