Tuesday, February 21, 2012

lost in the maze

Back when ........ when I was collared to W .. we had protocols ........ lots of protocols.. I asked for them and I got them....... and then came the day when I didn't "get" them....... 

Over the months that W and I were separated - I was like a kid with no rules - I felt light headed with the freedom........... but there were instinctive things I did....... like fetching and carrying and serving..... (much to the chagrin of the two Sirs I was with at the time)

Now W and I are together again - not like before - it's different now.  But I sense a desire to return to some protocols from W.......... and there is definitely a strong desire for a return to some protocols on my side.  

And in the midst of our building and forming and searching for answers - there is a rather hot debate going on in our little close minded  non accepting judging mixed up community.  It seems from my vantage point - that there is a weird sort of discussion - debate - fight?? going on about those who don't approve of protocols and those who do.  (which is really an over simplified explanation of the personalities and opinions flying around)   Sometimes I think folks are confusing protocols with plain every day social skills.  Other times I think folks are putting down the people who have protocols and live the lifestyle in the "old" way.  Other times I wonder if someone is overstepping the mark and imposing their protocols on a group (or individual) which shouldn't happen either.

And because of the style of protocols that W and I had ........before....... I am confused.  Because you see the protocols we had - shouldn't - wouldn't and couldn't be imposed on anyone else.  In every sense of the word they were private things done between us. These protocols were not offered to every dominant that crossed my path.  Nor - do I believe - that W expected every submissive to follow his protocols when meeting up with him.  

So I am left wondering what the hell are people complaining about???  I believe some of it is ........ titles.  Submissives don't believe they should have to call a Dominant " Master So and So"  and I am sorry I tend to go WTF??? if the name of this person (on line name) is "Master So and So" and IF you are introduced to them that way...... why wouldn't you use it.  A name is just a name after all.  Almost everyone I know calls me "morningstar" even in vanilla settings... even when they know my "real" name.  I can't believe it's just about a name...... it all seems too silly to me.

Anyway - moving on to the real point (is there one?? ) of this blog entry.  I believe that protocols are things developed between a couple - a collared submissive and her dominant.  But that is where I get stuck in the maze and tend to go round and round and round till I get dizzy.  I have researched and listened and talked to folks trying to discover what protocols are..... what they look like.... what they sound like.. what they feel like.  What I did hear over and over again - was that protocols were somewhat private and developed to fit the needs of the couple.  (see my confusion over all this public debate on protocols??)

Then....... a while back ...... I noticed a group in Ottawa was offering a workshop on protocols ........and I mentioned it to W... and we made tentative plans to attend.  There will be a 2 hour workshop for submissives on protocols - and at the same time in another part of the club a 2 hour workshop for Dominants.  Then there will be a prep time and the submissives will perform a ritual tea service for the Dominants.

Then there will be a play party.

W and I signed up to go (weather permitting) I am hoping to gain some insight into the way other couples do protocols - what the protocols are - and how they are modified to fit with aging bodies that don't perhaps bend and move as easily and gracefully as they used to.  

And then this morning W sent me an announcement from another group across the border who are also holding workshops on protocols next weekend.  (I am thinking I might like to attend that one too)

And so it seems just when I had reached the point of thinking that I was truly as outdated as bell bottom pants and tie-died tshirts - that I (and W too) were as antiquated as the dinosaur - there appears to be a new interest (in some forums) for a return to protocols. 

So.......... W and I will be attending at least one workshop on protocols..... and perhaps having some discussions over what would work for us and what wouldn't.  Perhaps we will attend the second workshop next weekend - and have more food for thought.  And perhaps ........ just maybe ........... we will come to a consensus on protocols that will work for US........ only us.  And then perhaps we will bring more consternation to the community here .......... more raised eyebrows .... more whispers behind our backs ..... because we wish to celebrate this lifestyle in a way that makes us comfortable and happy.  

So ........... to all those nay sayers to protocols ........ I have one thing to say.

B I T E    ME


  1. Your last paragraph sums up my feelings well. I would like to hear what you learn about protocols and our "aging" bodies!

  2. Every walk of life is filled with protocols or rules or customs or traditions or laws. Those that aren't in agreement are scorned or shunned or ignored or talked about or who fucking knows what. Wait a minute. Isn't who on second?

    Fuck it. Do your own thing and ... shun those that don't agree.

  3. LMFAO!!! Good for you!!! Good for both of you.

  4. I think quite honestly a lot of people get caught up on the word "protocol" and can't move beyond it.

    When I was owned I had rules. However, these rules contained things in them like "Don't let the owners cup go empty," "No clothing is permitted in the bedroom," "No PDA in public unless initiated by the owner" and various other things of that nature. A lot of people have rules like this, they just don't realize that's what they are. How many subs are required to serve their masters dinner and make sure he's eating before they get their own? A lot. But to them that may not be a rule.. it may just be something they naturally do. I know I did. I didn't see a lot of what I did as rules or protocol because it just seemed natural and I never thought beyond it.

    As far as calling somebody else "Master," that I do have an issue with. To me personally, calling somebody Master is a huge amount of respect, trust, and authority. If I just meet the person I am not comfortable calling them that, even if they themselves, and others don't view it the same way. Sir I can do, although that one is quite iffy as well. I was raised that you show respect with how you talk to somebody, not their title. I had a great grandfather that flew planes in WW2 and if I had called him Sir I would have been picking my ass up off the floor. That sunk in, so even now I hold that title in reserve.

    However, if somebodies handle on fet is Master___ and wants called that in person.. I don't know. I silently roll my eyes at it and I'm not entirely certain why. I may say it and use it but one of two things will happen. It either loses all meaning when I refer to that person as Master, or I remain uncomfortable with it. Hell, sometimes I've found myself intentionally not referring to the person so I don't have to use it.

    People place their own meanings on words, so some are held more closely than others. People demanding that word be applied to them when it means more to the other person is where the issue comes in. Any other time a word is just a word to me no matter how degrading others see it, this one however does hold more meaning to me and does for many people.

    Sorry that turned into a ramble :)

  5. OMG you are so funny and down to earth.

    Love it!



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