Riddle me a Riddle

What's black and white and red all over???

A newspaper of course........ (remember that riddle??)


So Saturday night was our Halloween party ....... and yes as you can clearly see I wore my new 'newspaper' corset.  Black and white ....... and even read by some... but most definitely I was red all over by the end of the evening.

I even had some black PVC thigh high stockings to complete the look.........

It was an interesting party - lots of the usual costumes....... zombies and devils and angels ......... honestly IF you are gonna play the game and dress up - why can't people show some ingenuity??? 


Anyway the evening started with a promised lesson on needle play.  A Dom friend of ours wanted W to give him some pointers on needle play.  His lil subbie was clearly very nervous  and I promised to stay by her side... I reminded her she could stop it any time and no one would tease her OR they would answer to me.  I kept the hoards at bay.... why oh why don't people get the point you don't walk into the middle of someone else's scene so you can get a better look????  The whole scene was a huge success and lil k was smiling contentedly when it was all over.  

W then suggested that we go and find some piece of equipment and whoop my ass.  Funny thing was - mentally - I wasn't all that sure I wanted my ass whooped... which is very weird for me.  I initially put it down to having to switch gears from protector to participant.  I had to chase some folks away from the 'ladder' we like to use - and laid out the toys.  W and I had an ok scene - unfortunately no one stood guard over our scene to stop folks from wandering into the middle ........ a couple of folks may have caught the tail end of the gorean whip as they wandered aimlessly past our area.  (sucks to be them!!)

After a little bit - I was suddenly aware I had this massive sore throat on the right sight of my throat.  I was enjoying the thud of the gorean whip and was floaty and silly - when W came over and told me he had pooped out and needed a rest.  Suddenly all the icky feelings I had been suppressing broadsided me.  I felt cold and shivery.  Again I didn't think much of it because that can happen (has happened ) when we play hard.  

But not long after I realized I wanted my bed... and wanted it NOW!  Everything was hurting  - the corset seemed to be choking me - my bones ached - my ass ached - my head ached.


So home we went where I fell into bed into a sound sleep.  Sunday morning I woke to a sore throat ..sore head.. sore bones... and hoarse squeeky voice.  Ahh well a cold is better than the gall bladder problems I had a year ago ...... 


One last picture from Saturday night.......... Maitre Ex had black lights all over the play space and of course all things white shone eerily .... W took a picture of my corset reflecting the black light effects..... with his camera phone .. and got  (what I think ) is an amazing picture !!!!!!!!! 

What was that??? Nothing to worry about - just a newspaper floating past........

Sappy Sunday

Sundays have always been the worst day to blog........ 

Some Sundays I am drained from some session or other with W........ and for one day at least I want to process the events .. and hold them close to my heart and not share... 
Some Sundays I am drained from the week - feeling sad and blue - and for one day at least I want to process and hold it close to my heart - lick my wounds and not share.....

So I had the bright idea - brilliant idea if you ask me (which - yeah yeah - I know - you didn't) to do a "Sappy Sunday"........ 'member I told you here that I love sappy hallmark sayings.... Well I decided that one day a week - most likely on Sundays - I will share my favourite sappy saying of the week......... (so you might want to avoid Sundays around The Journey - unless of course you want to see just how sappy my brain is!!)

"I may not be perfect - but I am always Me" struck a cord with me this week.  It is something my staff can't seem to understand.  I can't BE someone else.  God over my life time I have TRIED !!  Many many times. 

Problem is........ me.... is all I know.  ME is all I am.  So like it or not .. this is what you get.
I need to remember it too.  I am NOT perfect ........ but I slug along doing the best job I can.  I think - for the most part - I am a pretty neat person.  I rather like ME.  I think I am a person of integrity - I don't lie  - I am not very diplomatic..... I don't play games ....... I most definitely do NOT play politics....... Basically I guess I am a rather simple person.  What you see is what you get.

The same applies here to my blog...... I write the way I talk ..... I speak from the heart .... and always tell the truth (I learned a long time ago - to be a good liar you have to have a terrific memory - and I would rather fill my memory banks with happy thoughts/memories not lies I have to remember)

So this was a good sappy saying for me to remember this past week - I am who I am..... like it or not.

Me me memememe

It is 6 something AM...... I am sitting here at my pc downing my first cup of coffee....... thinking/trying to plan my day....... 

On the one hand - that bloody (insert multiple expletives here) accounting program has got me beat..... can't get it to work at all !!!! am thinking I should just scrub the 2 months I have buggered up and start alllllllllllllll over again......... 

On the other hand - I am thinking maybe I should just take the day and pretty myself up - pamper myself - hot bubble bath - shave the pretty pink bits - manicure - facial .......... ya know ....... pamper myself.... 

W is coming to get me this afternoon and whisk me away to his place so we can go to this Halloween play party this evening..... and i am thinking do i want my head filled with more numbers and problems or do I want my tired addled brain - empty - His to fill up with happy thoughts - with dancing fairies and what nots..............after all the accounting program (and school mess) will all still be there on Monday.............. 

And - maybe - with some luck - W would agree to come next weekend and help me sort out the damn accounting program  - he uses one very similar all the time............ 


Trust me - a hot bath and pampering is looking very good..............................


BUT 


I have laundry to do........ and a house that needs cleaning................ 


God I hate the "virtues" my parents/grandmother instilled in me............ 


Pampering  .......... OR........... accounting........ OR .......... housework........ 


What to do ?? what to do??

TGIF I think - edited

It's Friday right?? Tell me it's Friday ....... 7 more hours and this week is over... 7 more hours and I can come home put my pjs on and snuggle in...... 

Tuesday's Union Meeting went pretty much the way W said it would....... The Union supported me... Human Resources supported me... and I walked away feeling it was over.  (sometimes I can be so damn stupid!!)

The Wednesday night meeting was short and sweet and actually easy to get through - I managed to get home by 8pm... 


Thursday's workshop was a waste of time.. but that's ok they usually are.. and I survived that too....... 


The back stabbing is still going on... the gossip is still spreading.. lies are still being told... the sun came up .... and the sun went down........ I am brain dead.


The weekend is just hours away..... thank god it's friday !!!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WTF!

Someone explain this to me please ' cause I don' t understand ........


I have a team of educators - each one has their own room.. their own group of children.
One educator told me about a month ago that she was sure the others wanted her out of a job........ Seriously I didn't believe her.. thought she was imagining things... Yes she doesn't fit any mould - she is tattooed and pierced and she is a person of colour.... 


Yesterday I was told that one of my educators had STOLEN a big box of toys from this woman....... WTF??!!!  Honestly I found it hard to believe... 


At the end of the day I was given the box of toys - and after some investigation I was told the box had been in the K room and had "disappeared".  


What is the point to this thievery??  Technically it is the children who suffer.... the woman that was targeted has never complained - and has kept things fun and entertaining in her room.......... I am even more impressed with her than before... 


The woman who stole the toys???  I honestly don't know what to think... I have been told by my principal what to do....... but I don't get it....... what the hell is the world coming to????

Memories

Honestly one never knows what is going to trigger a memory or many memories.

On Sunday my youngest daughter and family gave me my birthday present (yeah yeah it was my birthday AGAIN!! - there should be a law against birthdays after a certain age)
She gave me a watch.  Apparently she had asked her father (my ex husband) what to buy me...... WTF???!!  And he said "you can't go wrong buying your mother a watch".  (which is true - I love watches - as long as they are different - odd - don't look like a watch)

And that got me thinking about the rituals that surrounded birthdays in our house.... didn't matter what day of the week they fell on..... on YOUR birthday ... there was a celebration........ (there were probably parties on the weekends - but on YOUR day - we celebrated) 

We celebrated with Chinese food for dinner .......... and bought birthday cake with roses.... and presents with cards.  It was a tradition.  Even when I was young living in my parents house - bought birthday cake with roses was a tradition.  I loved the roses - most don't..... i loved taking a forkful of the sugary icing and letting it melt in my mouth....... I loved (no no - truth be told - I STILL love) sugary icings.

This year for some stupid reason..... I missed those tradtions..... missed the Chinese food and bought birthday cake with icing roses.  Stupid eh?? I honestly could  do without the fuss and bother of celebrating birthdays - but I missed the damn traditions.....   I almost - almost being the operative word - ordered some Chinese food in..... but decided it would be very sad to eat Chinese food by myself on my birthday...... so I settled for toast and cheese.


I did get roses though......... 10 of them ........... and they won't put any inches on my hips... they were the real kind....... and W drove them out to me...... and presented them to me in front of almost 200 kids at lunch time.  It was very nice - and I kissed him in front of the nearly 200 kids (ages 10 - 12) who teased me unmercifully afterwards.... and wanted to know if he was my husband - and when I said no.......... hesitated for a second .. .and then said "boyfriend" the girls giggled and the boys whooped it up.  They even swallowed their "cool" persona long enough to sing "happy birthday" to me which was honestly very cool to this old lady.


But the memories linger - like smoke from blown out birthday candles - wafting around in my mind.

Scary Thoughts

Halloween is just 6 days away....... Usually it is not something I give much thought to... However this year it seems to be first and foremost in my mind.

Why?? You ask........... 

BECAUSE
1) I work in a school where the principal is a halloween NUT...... and all the staff are 'encouraged' to dress up in costumes.... (last year she (the principal) dressed up as Cruella) 
2) because of the need to flesh out my Cat in the Hat costume (all I have is the hat) W and I visited a halloween store on the weekend.
3) because all the houses on my route to and from work are starting to put on their most "frightful" looks.
4) W and I are going to a halloween party on Saturday night.

I used to DO halloween up royally - decorate the house - decorate my kids - hand out candy.......... but somewhere over the last 10 years or so ..... I have become the 'grinch' of halloween........ which isn't to say I am not going to do the whole fun and games next Monday at school........ but I will be glad to escape home to the peace and sanctity of my lil condo when it is all over - turn out all the lights (to avoid the doorbell going all night) and curl up with a stiff drink and count the hours till it is all over!!

Now taking a wee step backwards - yeah W and I are going to a halloween party on Saturday evening - a play party - in costumes.  Which got me thinking.... what will make this any different than any other play party - generally we see costumes left and right - only the folks wearing them don't consider them costumes!!  Fetish is what they call it.  

But not to be a spoil sport - I have more or less agreed to wear a costume on Saturday evening (cheeky grin) ....... No I am not going as an angel - or a devil !!  Not going as a maid or a witch or a vampire!! No I am not going as The Cat in the Hat.

I am going as a newspaper.  

Yup you heard me right........ a newspaper.

Where did I get that idea from ??? You ask.

Simple............ my order of new corsets arrived.  Yes corsets - plural.  I ordered a black leather corset .......... and a specialty corset.  It has black PVC trim and buckles in the front....... but in between the black trim the material is white and has black writing all over it.. looks to me like a page from a newspaper.  So when asked why I didn't dress up - I will simply tell folks to get new glasses - I AM dressed up - as a newspaper.
(pictures to come next week - I promise!!)

God I hate halloween !!! 

Monday Again

(just my perverse sense of humour)

Not much of a Monday Morning Report for you folks this week........ it was pretty much a vanilla weekend ........ We had the munch on Saturday afternoon.. Sir S and his submissive came back to the condo for a quick pizza supper.......Sunday i went out to the Island for a quick visit with youngest daugher and family.... 

No play - no sex - not much to report.

The week stretches ahead of me.  Besides my usual work schedule - I have a meeting with the staff and the Union on Tuesday - have a night meeting on Wednesday and a workshop on Thursday......... 

I have my fingers crossed I make it to Friday ...........

Generic - no name

Well I haven't used that pic for a longgggggggggg time............ 

BUT

this morning I was thinking (yeah I know not a smart thing for me to do - especially at this hour........ before the sun is even up)

W and I went to a munch yesterday afternoon - great munch (most aren't) with old friends to catch up with - and some newbies to scare.  Yeah Yeah I know - we're not supposed to scare the newbies - but it's soooooooo much fun!!! And multitudes of topics being discussed and sub- topics.


I think the sub-topics are rattling the loudest inside my addled brain...............what to wear/ what not to wear/ how to identify dom/sub/top/bottom 


It was mentioned that I have a strong character - which makes me come across as being Dominant.......... shrug.. heard that one before.. only W knows just how not strong I am......... 


A was there - a boy toy (quite literally "boy") that I played with a few years back...... and drakor was rambling around in my head (cause he was gonna try and show up and cause he has hinted he would like me to come play nurse while he recuperates from some surgery ) W was talking (teasing??) about how I like to hit - and can do it.. and have done it.......... And I was thinking how I might suggest to A if he makes it out to a play party that I wouldn't mind beating his ass........... but bit my tongue - at the time I wasn't really sure why............ 


But later on during the munch I got chatting with Sir S and joked about getting some hits in on HIS ass for a change........ which prompted some good natured teasing about having Him over some spanking bench.......... when i got all serious like and said "But that wouldn't happen publicly would it?? Cause it would alter how people 'see' you"  And he agreed.


So this morning I was running all that around in the head....... and realized that the only time I have topped (to any degree) it has been in private.  I think at first it was because I was worried that my "style" would be critiqued and I was new and didn't want to make mistakes publicly - but this morning I realized it is much more than that.............. 


People already see my dominant side (strong character and all that) and I guess I just don't want to encourage that propaganda.  I can ....... am able to...... spank someone's ass...... and I think I can do a fairly good job of it........... but god!!  I am so much happier on the receiving end.......... and just selfish enough to want all spanking time devoted to my ass........not someone else's.


So to all those who come and wonder if I would spank ............... it ain't gonna happen I am afraid......... I am much happier on the receiving end......... hot blooded sub that's me.... 


(though maybe somewhere deep inside - I am a generic Top)

Life's Lessons

By now you have (I hope) all realized I am so much more than submissive - so much more than a masochist - so many different facets to make one person.

I have a nasty lil secret........ a failing some would say ........ I love "hallmark" sayings - you know the ones I mean - those sappy life lessons sayings - those sappy hallmark type card sayings.  Can't help it - I love them (well most of them) and they usually make me all teary eyed.  I come across them all over the net and sometimes I save them... rarely do I share them.......


BUT I came across one this morning that has had me thinking - long and hard about family - and I realized I share everything else with you folks - why not share some of the sappy "life lesson sayings" that make me all teary eyed....


"We are so busy growing up we often forget our parents are also growing older"

I have - over the last few years - struggled with how tired I get.  When I approached the subject with my doctor - she smiled - patted my hand - and asked IF I had cut anything out of my schedule??? She pointed out (not very diplomatically either) that to be as busy as I was when I was in my 30's and 40's is bound to make me tired now I am in my 50's and 60's (god how I HATE to admit I am in my 60's!!)


This morning I have been thinking about my mom - how she used to sneak a little nap on the sofa when she visited every afternoon.  How she would go and go and then just kinda poop out.  She died just after her 70th birthday.  And I realized this morning - she had boundless energy - IF - she got a little nap every afternoon......  I don't remember a time she didn't nap.  And I remember being surprised - god was I surprised - when we held her 70th birthday party.......... she was 70???!!!  How could that be??? She didn't seem any older to me - than when I was still living in her house.  


And it was the same with my grandmother (my second mother) who died in her 93rd year.  93 ??!!!  BUT she was the same in my mind as she had always been.......... when did she get so old??? Why didn't I notice???

I have been accused (ok maybe accused is a harsh word - but the only one that comes to mind right now) of not wanting to be with my girls.  It is essentially based on my last minute refusal to trek out to the Island for Thanksgiving dinner.  I was beaten up and beaten down.  I had spent the weekend in my pj's licking my wounds from all the stress in my life.


We talked last night (this daughter and me) and it was as though Thanksgiving had never happened.  And I realized this morning - she doesn't "see" me as growing older...... as not having the energy and fortitude I once had.  


So I guess I have come full circle - from the kid who couldn't believe the "moms" in her life were so old - to being the mom who is old ........ and does get weary.


"We are so busy growing up we often forget our parents are also growing older"

Ohhhhhhhh Happy Day !!!

Ok sometimes I just need to stamp my foot - yell and scream - rant and rave and then I feel so much better........... 

However - it hit me today - that you folks may not get that fact.  My mother never did.  She used to chastise me for calling her long distance - crying and dumping my problems on her shoulders - hang up the phone - and I would feel SO much better.  She on the other hand would fuss and fume and worry.  

Yesterday's blog entry was just that - me blowing off some steam.  I even tried a little humour (which ok only W would have gotten - the bit about me buying a lottery ticket) ......

Today I woke up feeling energized and happy and ready to face the world..... 

It doesn't hurt that today is Friday - and I know what most of the plans for the weekend are...... happy plans - plans that make me smile......... 

Wishing everyone  a Happy Friday !!!

Personally

This is gonna sound funny - seeing as it comes from me - the QUEEN of taking things personally...........

BUT 

I am so tired of people taking everything so personally.

Maybe it's something in the water or maybe it is something to do with the tides..or the moon... or the seasons.. or karma..

BUT dammit I am tired of people taking things so damn personally.

Sometimes I am just exhausted - drained  - too damn tired to come over to your place... 
Sometimes I am busy and can't answer your phone call - or talk to you right this minute...
Sometimes a question is just that  - a question 
oh and here's a good one - I am human - I make mistakes - plain honest mistakes - I am not out to get you..... I made a mistake

Some days it all gets to me - so much so that I think of buying a lottery ticket cause when I win the millions I will buy myself a nice lil island somewhere  and not leave a forwarding address ........

(hey W wanna come with me??)

Objectification

"Objectify - to treat as an object"
Just in case anyone was unclear on the meaning........

In my last blog entry - I mentioned how I felt "objectified"........ and I realized as I typed the word - that objectification seems to be the new goal for subbies to reach.  Not me though....... I honestly don't get being a table or a footstool or a serving tray. I think quite possibly that I am too animated to be an inanimate object.


BUT I have to admit - there was something ...... some "je ne sais quoi" .. about being used as a sucking machine.   But then I wasn't exactly inanimate - nope not even a little bit.. I would say I was very animated.  


Ok ok - so back to my musing about objectification......... 


I have seen a subbie used as a dessert table - covered in sweets and everyone helping themselves....... I have seen a subbie used as a footstool - and everyone at the party commented on how well he did........ 


I have seen pictures of subbies as reading lights - as serving trays  -  


Maybe to be objectified you need to be an actor ....... or a bit of an exhibitionist..... or a bit of a narcissist

Do you ever dream of - or actually are used  - as an object???  Turn on?? Fantasy??? Come on ...... tell me what makes it hot for you.........

Sunday morning delight

Sundays are quite truthfully a 'day of rest' for W and I.  The routine is quite simple - after breakfast we curl up in the living room and watch the Sunday Morning News show.  

As it was finishing up I asked W if he would like another cup of coffee.  His answer was "I was just thinking - another coffee OR another beating OR a blow job" 

My heart pounded - a blow job?? We haven't done one of those in forever.  So my answer was "right another coffee it is" and I got up and made us both coffees.  

I was nervous - I wanted to give him a blow job so bad......... but I held back - I was shy and worried........... what if I had forgotten HOW???? 

So we had a second cup of coffee while we watched some mindless TV show.

But truthfully the whole time my mind was thinking "blow job"........ and I was trying to think how to actually initiate it. 


Finally I got up and moved over to kneel by his side as he laid stretched out on the sofa... I unbuttoned his shirt and teased him by nibbling from the top to the bottom of his chest.  He did some hair pulling and we both sorta / kinda felt each other out.  


Finally I just took the plunge (pun intended) ........ taking the head of his penis in my mouth and swirled my tongue around it....... tasting it .. remembering how good it felt in my mouth.. remembering how good it tasted.. remembering the sensitive bits.. the motions W loves most... 


I love the position for blow jobs.. love being on all fours with my ass stuck up in the air.. the image it creates in my mind turns me on.......... I moan as I suck W's cock...... feeling myself getting very turned on.... wondering what it would be like to have someone behind me (or somehow W behind me) teasing me fucking me while I suck cock.  


His cock grew in my mouth - the old gag reflex came back......... I lifted my eyes and glanced at W - he seemed to be immersed in the television show !!!  Honest to god...... it is a good thing that by that point in time my confidence had returned - otherwise watching TV might have been a HUGE blow to my self esteem.  I made a crack He made one back about being able to multi task......... 


But when I went back to the job at hand (so to speak) I thought how objectifying this was... me doing the best blow job I can - and W watching TV seemingly not interested in the least with what I was doing.  (thank god I knew better - god bless the male anatomy - rather difficult to hide / disguise the arousal)

When we were done...... I was so horny....... unbelievably so.  I went outside for a smoke.  I thought about masturbating after W went home so that I could ease the need.
BUT I realized I didn't want to masturbate - I wanted W!!!  So I took a big breath and asked W if he would give me another orgasm.  He asked if I wanted an orgasm or another beating.  That made me remember the "dragon's tongue" toy I had bought.  So I ran upstairs to get it so that W could use it on me.


BUT


I couldn't stay in the moment - it hurt and wasn't reaching the burning need inside ....... W sensed my mixed emotions and finally asked if I would prefer a good fuck - He needed to ask??!!!


So once again W was in me - fucking me hard - so hard so fast that it hurt - but god I needed it so bad.......... and once again I came - all over W and dripping down my legs and puddling on the floor.  Who knew one person could have so much cum inside them???


After two major HUGE orgasms W let me up - we got dressed and went off to a local restaurant for lunch...... 


And that was our weekend..........

Centered

I am feeling very centered right now......... this weekend was amazing - no more than amazing - great....... fantastic..... unbelievable ..... super..... extreme...... think of a superlative and insert here ( ____________)

The play session Saturday night involved all the new toys.......... and trust me when i say I 'hate' them all......... well ok maybe not all.  The rabbit fur glove with the sharp pointy nails was quite an experience.  I have never been a big fan of sensual type toys - like fur floggers.  BUT I am re-thinking that attitude.  After W had beaten me for a bit - He pulled out the fur glove and the sensation was amazing!!  The softness against the burning skin was calming and one helluva turn on........ just as I was relaxing into the sensation W curled his fingers popping out the claws and I felt the sharp tips digging into my skin - scratching up and down my back leaving burning patterns embedded in my flesh.

The parachute rope flogger stung like a bitch - the new leather spanker - with the wooden slab on one side was extreme - and the back end of the slapper has two narrow strips of leather that felt as though they were cutting the flesh off my ass.

The knife came out and cut patterns over my body........ and even played dangerously with my pretty pink bits.  

All of it .. every last bit of it....created a sensation overload.  My mind was reeling... W would stroke and hit .. whisper and bite.... my body was trembling..... 


And then W pushed my legs apart and stood between them.......... filling me with his hand...... stroking and teasing and the orgasm started deep inside my belly and built and built - and I was cumming all over his hand...... running down my legs puddling on the floor......... and I was done........ a lump of quivering flesh ..... totally sated and fulfilled.

Mundane stuff..........

Just a quick report on the goings on yesterday around the lil condo......... 

First W took me shopping ....... and then home to snuggle - away from the wind and rain... 

Then I prepared an Indian feast for dinner........ 

Tiki Masala, curry rice, samosas - vegetable for W and lamb for me - and naan bread.  

Later on - giving enough time to fully appreciate the feast of a dinner - the new toys were tested (more on that in the Monday Morning Report)

Bed and then another feast for breakfast (well feast for me who is used to a quick cup of coffee and toast)

Fried egg, bacon and rye toast for W.  For me (cause I am allergic to eggs) toasted bagel with bacon and strawberry jam (yes yes I put strawberry jam on my bacon - if you haven't tried it don't knock it !!)

Now we are snuggled in (again - away from the wind and rain) watching the Sunday morning news ............. just enjoying our relaxing time together!




(ummmmmmmm while relaxing my evil brain is plotting and planning some entertainment that is long overdue with dear drakor - cheeky grin)

Love - definitively defined!

I know what love is..... (actually i always have)........

It is NOT young puppy love.........
It is not flowers and music and hearts and kisses 

It is bottled water.


Yes I said "bottled water"


For the last few days out here on the West of the Great Island - there have been water troubles - and no one much was talking about them - just basically telling everyone to ignore the brown water coming out of their taps.


I didn't have brown water - I didn't worry


Last night - like every night - I did my thing and went for my bath and bed.  And like many of the last nights I woke at 3:30 and came on the pc - there was an email from W. 
DON'T DRINK THE WATER!!!  He said the news (something I rarely if EVER listen to or watch) was saying the water out here on the West of the Great Island was bad - nasty bad.  Don't drink it - don't brush your teeth with it - don't bother boiling it - that kind of bad.


I figured if it was THAT bad the city would have contacted us (they have this neat phone system where they can - with one phone call - leave messages/talk to every citizen ) I didn't get one.. their website stated it wasn't my area - so I calmly wrote back to W (at 3:30 am) I am fine don't worry - it isn't me.  Besides I had 2 glasses of water this evening and I am fine health wise. AND I wrote I am betting there won't be a bottle of water to be had in the shops.   Then I went back to bed.

At 7:50 when I woke up for good....... there was an email from W - DON'T DRINK THE WATER! And he added he was going to drive out here to the condo at 6 F--KING AM and drop off 2 big bottles of water he had in the house.  


I sleepily made my way downstairs - and there sitting on my kitchen counter were 2 BIG bottles of water.  No W.  He had turned around and gone home.  BUT I was now safe from germy creatures in the water.


That ladies and gents........ THAT is the definitive definition of what LOVE is !


I rest my case.

Love

Have you ever tried to define the word "love"??? 

I have had reason these past few weeks to think about love - for many different reasons.  And today I wondered what the hell "love" really is.  

I love my job
I love my children
I love lamb chops
I love everything Oriental
I love Bryan Adams (his music I mean)
I love writing
I love miss ashes
I love W
I love junk food

Are all those "loves" the same "love"???

When in need I always hit "google" and usually find an answer.  So I hit "google" and found pages and pages of definitions for love..in fact I found one site that has 150 of the top definitions ............. "unconditional acceptance, patience and understanding, friendship, someone who can make you laugh on your worst day" .  ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY different definitions!!!!!!!!

I think "love" is just a strong emotion - and there really isn't any universal meaning for it.  

It is what it is.  No hearts and flowers, no background music and starry lights.  It is a four letter word ......... and you can define it any way you want/ need.

Reviewing

And it is ......... time to rethink my work ethic - my work style - my management style.  

I tend to believe (behind my rose coloured glasses) that people are good - and kind and caring.  I tend to believe we all want the best for our neighbours - our co-workers - our friends and family.

I tend to believe (behind my rose coloured glasses) that people will do no harm to one another.

It is a very BIG thing for me to discover that I am wrong - oh so very wrong.

The reader's digest version of my last month is - I have assigned some temporary work (on two different occasions) to two different people - one who is going through a hard time and needed a little extra cash. ......... and one who has worked really hard and I felt deserved a little concrete recognition......

I have given a couple of people time off 'cause I thought it was "the nice thing" to do.  

On the other hand - I have pushed my staff for excellence - (well if they shoot for the moon and don't make it - they will land in the stars - or something like that)...... actually what I have done is plan a wonderful program  (in my humble opinion) for the children based on visiting different countries and learning about their customs, food, clothing etc.  I hand out the projects (no thought or planning on the staff's part) and just ask them to follow the guidelines.

 Turns out they don't like having to actually DO something with the children - they are happy being well paid (like $21 an hour well paid) baby-sitters.  Turns out they don't much care about anyone who works with them - except themselves - and don't take good turns and pass them along.  Turns out they are simply vultures waiting for the right moment to spring and crucify their co-workers and me and then pick our bones clean.

Last Friday I found out that my staff actually are wishing that I get sick like last year, land up back in hospital, and on long term sick leave.

That one crushed me.


And so for the last few days I have been meeting with first my principal (who has been supportive and outraged ) then the head of Human Resources - and yesterday with the head of the Union.


All the "suits" support me and my radical idea that the staff are not glorified baby sitters..... BUT........... they also pointed out to me that I must follow the Union contract.  (Have I told you all how much I HATE the Union - well not the Union but their stupid contract)


So I have spent the last few hours (who needs sleep right??) re-evaluating the situation...... reviewing and revamping.


In the long run (the very long run ) they are screwed - 'cause if I follow the contract to the letter - they will benefit now........... but in the long run not so much....... cause I am gonna follow the letter of the law - so yes they can have their extra minutes here and there fairly distributed.......... but they won't be leaving early for some party with my blessing......... they won't take time off for doctor's appointments without supplying me with doctor's notes....... I won't go out of my way to give them over-time (which they all need so they can be paid over Christmas) 


I cannot allow myself to feel sorry for the few that will lose out...........I really do have to take the rose coloured glasses off - and work to rule (so to speak) ........ As my principal says "karma can be a bitch - and they will get their karma"......... it just might take a while.

And then on my personal side - my family side of life....... I have taken off the rose coloured glasses and put my foot down (Mom style) and said figuratively "I will not be treated that way" which has ruffled a few feathers and upset the apple cart....... who knows when this tempest will blow over ....... and when I will see my grandkids again....... but it is what it is.......... 

And I have ruffled (it would seem) a few feathers in blogville - by being me - by asking honest questions that ruffled (I am guessing by the response I got) more feathers - and I was taken aback - cause the question was asked honestly with absolutely no intent to do harm or hurt.  I just wanted to know the answer............. 


And I have gone invisible in our BDSM community - because I just have no patience with all the drama - and drama queens.  And I miss it a little bit - the community not the drama............. 

BUT on the plus side - there is always a plus side if one just looks - W is standing beside me - holding me close - supporting me - caring for me - hanging on to my shirt tales when I felt like I would just float away ........... He has been my rock and my strength...... 

And that dear readers - is why I have been in a blue funk - for the last little while...... and I am hoping that this review - this re-evaluation will bring me full circle .........