Running away

Communication............ reported to be the most important part of BDSM - clear communication. (i would argue that it is probably important in other aspects of life ....... but hey........... let's just go with the flow for now ok??)


Face to face communication is much more than words.. it is a lifted eyebrow, a scowl, a smile, a body tense with arms folded across the chest, there is tone of voice and a plethora of other signals that i spend a good part of my day teaching to children.

When you get to the net.. to blogs and emails and online chats, all those cues disappear. There are only words typed on the screen... blah blah blahs .. with few if any indicators of what is being said - behind the words.

i am the first to admit that often online i am not too adept at picking up what is being said behind the written word - sometimes taking offense when no offense is meant. mea culpa. i must learn to ask for clarification to say " did you mean a b or c"??

Now let's complicate things further and look at communication from a submissive's perspective.

i (and i can only speak for myself) am not supposed to challenge Sir..... i am supposed to smile and nod and go along with what He wants/decides/says. How does that enrich communication??



i am learning to speak my mind to Sir.. to open up (something He pushed for btw) ........ than it is to do so with friends and acquaintances. Generally when someone outside of Sir says something that hurts me, i sound off to Sir.. i sound off in my blog... but i never EVER say diddley squat to them.

Now isn't that weird???

i should be quiet with Sir and outspoken with others no??

But it isn't the way i am wired.

When i am hurt by someone's words i pull into myself.. i protect myself .. i lick my wounds and in time i can once again go back to communicating with this person.

BUT i discovered something this morning..... something i probably have always done.. but never identified before...

When i pull into myself....... i do it completely.. i have little to say to Sir.. i am quiet at work, with my daughters, i go into hermit mode.......... no visitors, no radio or TV total silence at home.

On a good day i am happiest alone and quiet, on a bad day i bury myself in the quiet .. i turn off all the blah blah blahs and retreat inside myself.

i said to Sir yesterday in a text message... "i want to run away, but we both know i won't. "

But sometimes it is hard not to.

angry

Ever have one of those days when you are so angry your emotions just spill over ... in inappropriate ways???

i get angry and i cry........ how dumb is that??!! And it makes it really difficult for people to understand that i am angry.. it "looks" like i am sad. Maybe it would be better if my face got red and i balled up my fists and yelled.. (much like my lil Christopher Robin did last week)

yeah i am angry today..........

i am angry over work.. over a stupid useless employee who is getting away with murder.. and there is no immediate recourse... i like "immediate".. i like instantaneous !! i want results YESTERDAY .........

But no............ we have to be civilized about this.. we have to try and reason with this person.. we have to write letters.. we have to smile and nod.. and listen to her promise to behave herself.. like she did last year.

i get to do damage control every time she makes a mistake...... mistake my ass !!! Deliberate undermining of my authority is what it is !!

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And i am angry over people's impressions of what i want / need. i am fed up .. to the eye teeth with people accusing me (well that's how i take it !!) of moving on and leaving the BDSM community here in our lil city .. and going further afield. YAY?? so bite me !! Tell me why Sir and i shouldn't go where we are welcomed and be with people who have the same mind set...... huh?? why shouldn't we???

i am tired of people analyzing the way we "do" what it is we do. i am sick to death of subs trying to top from the bottom and telling Sir what He should or should not do. i am sick to death of people saying mean spirited things about our relationship. i am sick to death of people thinking they can do it so much better than WE do it !! i am sick to death of people thinking that i am unhappy .. or settling.. or whatever it is they think i am doing.

i am angry.........

and i am crying..........

Mixed bag

It was a mix of a weekend.............

Friday we met up with Cloud (after a long longgggg time) for our coffee klutch and discussion. With my new hours at the new school Friday afternoon coffees are pretty much a thing of the past sadly. BUT we managed to squeeze one in this past week. Then Sir and i grabbed a quick bite of dinner before He headed off to an exec meeting of His train club...........


Saturday.. Sir took me shopping to find stuff for school - at the dollar store - god you gotta love the dollar store when you have virtually no budget and a HUGE room to decorate for the seasons and holidays!! We even found this amazing witch hat for me which (hopefully) the older kids will see the humour in.......... (after all i am the witch that is changing their world - insisting on routine and respect )

Later Saturday evening Sir had me over the ottoman for my weekly whooping ... only truthfully i don't think either of us was much into the idea........... it happens from time to time.... the moons don't align well and it doesn't much work........... BUT Sir did try something new that i rather enjoyed.. He bound my upper thighs together tightly with a leather strap and then brought the ends down and bound my ankles together........ it greatly cut down on my "wiggle" room...

BUT i had cleaned the play room this past week....... after a long day at work... i dragged the vacuum and the cleaning stuff downstairs and give it a spit and polish.. it has been so long since we used the room... and i tend to ignore it most cleaning days.... and i guess i had this subconscious desire to be hanging from the chains naked or strung up on the cross.... and of course when He had me over the ottoman all i could do in my head was run the dialogue "it's not fair we have this perfectly good play room downstairs - with all the toys ... with all manner of torture devices... and He never uses it anymore.. why did i clean it.. why did i tidy up the toys.. why must it always be a wham bang thank you ma'am whooping over the ottoman... no wonder i am so out of shape when we play publicly... and i feel as though i wimp out... " bad dialogue - bad subbie !!!

Sunday morning was a quiet - recharge the batteries - morning before we headed off to youngest grandson's 3rd birthday !!



It was fun........... and i love seeing the excitement as he opens his gifts .. and squeals with delight ................ BEST of all i loved watching his glow in the light of the candle on his birthday cake.. and watching him gobble down the strawberries leaving the cake and cream for everyone else....... who ever heard of a kid - a 3 year old kid !! - wanting strawberries for his birthday !!!




And then.. i got to "play with" Jordan... the new one due in just under 7 weeks..






The one that is digging his heels into mommy's spine.... pushing on her stomach and making her sick... who kicks and does somersaults and just basically wears "mommy" out ....

Yup it was definitely a mixed bag weekend................ but a good one cause no matter what we do.. or who we do it with....... i am with my Sir.... and it feels good when He wraps His protective shield around me and keeps me safe from all the monsters under the bed..........

One Month in......

Well tomorrow will end the 4th week of school. It has been a struggle for everyone - parents, kids, staff, me.

Last night we had our first parent's meeting. (up here in the Great White North every school has a committee made up of 7 staff members and 7 parents....... this committee makes 99% of the decisions for the school. ) i was leery of this meeting..they were instrumental in tossing the old Responsable out and bringing me in. i felt i had a lot to answer to....

Honestly i don't how it happens.. i don't know what i do.. but i seem to have a way with words ............. in my last school i could get things passed by that Governing Board that no one thought would pass... sweet tongued devil that's me. BUT i was facing a new Board with a lot of issues. i think i tend to swamp them with words......... coming fast and furious.. touching on each topic and just keep going...barreling my way through........ whatever it is.. by the time i had finished my "report" and surveyed the table.. almost everyone was grinning at me.. They decided to drop the watch dog committee (for now) and let me go it. i guess it was a triumph moment.

The parents are slowly accepting my tight security measures and my no nonsense schedules and my open door policy. They might not like the new procedures but they are sticking to them

The staff .. well i have 3 permanent staff members and 2 substituting staff members (until the Board gets around to hiring 2 new educators - they promise by Thanksgiving - our thanksgiving which means first weekend in October) Of the 3 permanent staff only 1 is willing to work with me. One has been to work 5 days over the last month ........ 5 days !! and she almost never calls to tell me she isn't showing up........ what a headache !! i mean MY GOD !! she has 20 children waiting for her.. not a bloody computer !! so i am left to run around and try and find someone to slot into her class.. or do it myself when all else fails.

The other educator hates me.. oh she smiles at me and says all the right things... i thought i was making progress... but others warned me.. when she smiles at you watch out !!! It is NOT a good sign !! Well between the practical jokes in my first two weeks - which weren't funny one little bit - to now she is just not showing up to work either............. i am ready to scream... Actually i did scream yesterday in an email to Human Resources .. to the Union.. and to the principal.

The other teaching staff keep checking up on me and encouraging me .. they are my cheering section.


BUT

the kids... the whole reason i do what i do........



The trust is building.. most of them are listening to me... some are even trying to use the tactics i am showing them to deal with problems... they are a tough bunch of kids... with more baggage than should be legally allowed for a child to carry !!

But one day last week i had my first spontaneous hug........ and it felt so damn good !!!

Yesterday ....... my "new" Christopher Robin was brought to me.. his face was so red i thought he was gonna explode. He took one look at me and his eyes started to fill up with tears.. he slunk down onto the chair and buried his face in his hands. No hug allowed... i wasn't even allowed to touch him. i sat beside him with chaos reigning all around and listened... just listened to his broken sobbing breaths......... and when it sounded as though he was pulling it together, i asked him quietly "what happened"

He looked up at me.. red faced.. fists balled.. and he exclaimed 'I AM SO F*&%KING MAD I COULD PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE". and we talked .. and talked and talked.. and i kept telling him how proud i was of him.. because THIS time he didn't punch the kid in the face... he had held it together. Finally i got a hug......... and he went back to playing...

And i knew......... i am home .. i am where i need to be...... this is what i do best!! Oh tomorrow or the day after Christopher will punch some kid in the face... and we will start all over.. but for yesterday.. for one short period of time .. he didn't punch............ and that is how i spell S U C C E S S !

what is submissive?

The other day........ kaya wrote a blog about who / what is a submissive. well that's my reader's digest version.. if you want to read the whole thing click HERE

kaya was asking are you a submissive if you use a safe word to get out of all the things you really don't want to do??? Isn't being a submissive about His wants/needs/desires not yours??

Well i have an opinion.. (are you surprised??!!)

See i think if a submissive has a safe word then there are a whole mess of things in play..
like maybe she doesn't trust her Dom
like maybe she doesn't really want to give over control
like maybe it is really just a big game
like maybe she doesn't have the same relationship as i do...

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i got to thinking...... after i had written this blog entry.. and decided i needed to do a little editing...
see i think sometimes i fall into the same trap that others do.. believing that the way Sir and i do things is the "only" way....... shame on me !!! This relationship works for US.. but it probably wouldn't work for many others.


Yes i have a whole mess of rules/protocols or whatever you want to call it .. to follow. BUT when i look at them... a lot of them are more or less common courtesies - like telling Sir i am home safe and sound if i go out. That makes me feel cared for and watched over.. for me that is not a bad thing. Example..... i could/would work 12 hour days right now.. to make sure i take the breaks i am supposed to.... Sir has me text message Him when i get home and when i leave again.......... yeah yeah i could conceivably text Him from anywhere and how would He know....... but ya see.. i don't lie..... simple as that. So each morning i leave my desk at 8:00ish and head home for breakfast and a small break.. it is rather nice to know that Sir is watching for the text to say i am home... and it keeps me from working myself into a frazzle.


Some folks only do BDSM in kinky ways...... they don't do it 24/7 .. they don't do vanilla mixed with BDSM ... in other words they separate the two and keep them separated..... Sir and i tried that.. it didn't really work... it was all or nothing for us.


So having a safe word .. or the right to say "nah i don't wanna do that" doesn't exist in my world. AND i have to say........ i have tried BDSM part time.. i have tried vanilla full time.. and i much prefer having someone else make 90% of the decisions .......... yeah i said 90% .. because truthfully Sir does allow me a fair amount of wiggle room.......... He will ask what i think about something.. be it BDSM or a vanilla thing.. and i tell Him what i think (knowing me .. do you honestly think i wouldn't speak my mind??!!) BUT then He has the final say...... and whether i like it or not.. i go along with it.. because ya know what?? it saves a whole lot of time in arguing and fussing and feeling bitchy. (ok ok acting bitchy! cause i can do that very well too!)

i have - i think - a great example of my submission in a vanilla setting........

Take the 78th Fraser Highlanders. It is something that Sir gets a really big thrill out of.......... and He enjoys having me on His arm (so to speak) at the events.


i, on the other hand, find the whole thing ...... at best amusing....... at worst boring.


But i have never said i won't go to an event when Sir tells me about one, because, well to me that's like using a safe word. The Frasers may not be my cup of tea but it isn't about ME! It's about Sir. Sometimes i have to do a major mental adjustment to get through an evening event.. or play games in my head to make it tolerable. i have been tempted from time to time to speak my mind.. but don't because i worry it will embarrass Sir. Example.. the last formal event we went to, one of the men was asking me all sorts of personal questions about my tattoo... i kept thinking i wonder what his reaction would be if i told him about my piercing!! But didn't because .. i am a reflection of Sir..... simple as that.


Ok......... so i go to the events because it pleases Sir. i behave because i am a reflection of Sir.


BUT now it has been taken one step further.


At the last command meeting .. one of the big wigs put my name forward to be accepted as the newest "milady". UGH !! it is one thing to go to these events with Sir... it is a completely different thing to actually join the 78th Frasers. But that is what becoming a "milady" means.


i accepted gracefully and will be indoctrinated - or whatever it is they do - at the next event in November.

Why did i do this if it goes against my grain?? Because i am Sir's .. (to quote a friend) "always and in all ways".

Let me give you an example of how Sir listens to me... and hears me !! At the last Fraser event.. there was a mandatory church service on the Sunday morning... i explained to Sir that it really went against my personal views/beliefs to be forced to attend a church service. i asked if i might be excused from the service. Sir didn't answer me immediately. But on the Sunday morning i was up and dressed and out with everyone else for the pre-church festivities. i had every intention of attending. But as everyone filed into the church, Sir leaned over to me and suggested that i might prefer to sit in the garden and read until the service was over. Way to go Sir !!


Now the only real bitch i have about this "honour" ......... is the tartan. See the picture above... that is the sash the miladies wear. You can't really see the colours .. so check out Sir's kilt.




The tartan is ORANGE !!! and green.. and blue........
but the main colour is ORANGE !!!


Now my favourite colour is red - how in god's name am i gonna wear the sash over my red??? sigh........... you know you're a submissive when you make real sacrifices for your Sir............ i am gonna have to find some nice lil black top to go with my black skirt and put the pretty red jacket away...............




Does all of this make me more submissive than someone else??

Nope.. it just makes me a different submissive than someone else.. and there is nothing wrong with that at all....

Complete Disclosure

i have been doing a lot of thinking recently (based mostly on readings from fetlife etc) about the beginnings of a BDSM relationship.......... and the excitement and the getting to know you... and the lists of do's and don'ts... all the newbie stuff.

One of the biggies in starting a BDSM relationship .. and is on most checklists .. are questions about health issues. And i am wondering how honest people are when they fill that bit in............ the mundane - not so exciting - information.

i remember Sir and i talked a lot about His heart condition and His diabetes... and we have discussed with others in the lifestyle at munches and play parties about health issues.. but then (joy oh joy!!) we have reached an age where health can become a problem.

A couple of weeks ago when we were away at that private play party ........ the discussion got around to "oooops" moments. And the one that stands out so clearly in my mind.. that happened to Sir and i.... was a punishment Sir imposed on me on a Sunday.

i had been mouthy with Him.. and He sent me an email and told me to put a strip of duct tape across my mouth. i was not allowed to remove it - except to eat meals or answer the phone. i was a good lil subbie and did as i was instructed. Not once did i think about health issues.. or allergies. i took the tape off to eat.. and to answer the 2 phone calls i received. By dinner time the area around my mouth was itching like crazy. i texted Sir and asked for permission to remove the duct tape explaining i was going mad with the itching. He granted it.

Well when i took the tape off... the area where the adhesive had been was red and bubbly and itchy !! It looked awful. Then .. and only then .. did i remember i was allergic to adhesives........ for some stupid blonde moment....... i did not equate duct tape with adhesives.

Monday morning i went off to work with this big red patch all around my mouth. The first person i met as i entered school (as luck would have it) was the school nurse. She immediately flew into a panic and asked me what the rash was........i had not come up with a plausible answer .. and was kinda mumbling and stuttering.. when she said... "OH MY GOD!! you must have eaten something you are allergic to!" i smiled sweetly .. breathed a huge sigh of relief and agreed.. i HAD eaten something.

That ooooooops moment made me go back and rethink my list of health issues... small things like allergies to adhesives can have serious ramifications.

i wonder how many people are completely upfront and honest when meeting a new sub or Dom about their health issues. Oh the obvious things like heart conditions and diabetes are easy to discuss (and can be quite worrisome at the beginning) but what about conditions we don't like to discuss... things that are dirty lil secrets.. or public opinion sees them as dirty lil secrets. Are we as quick to discuss them with future partners??

i have a rule - a hard limit - i guess you can say......... no exchange of bodily fluids.. i don't care how much you want me to eat your submissive.. or give you a bj........ it ain't happening on a casual basis, without protection!! Toys and ropes are not shared unless *i* can wash them in boiling water with javel.

But there are other secret ailments that people don't talk about. i had one... and it took me a long time to discuss it with Sir. i had seen a therapist (once upon a time) for an event that happened in my youth. i had grown up.. got treatment.. moved on.......... it didn't seem important to discuss it with Him ...........until that day when He did something that opened up a long shut/locked memory. And i fell apart.

i am thinking it is important to have complete disclosure on all health issues.. mental..physical.. ALL of 'em. It is only fair to the person you are building a relationship with - to have all the ins and outs.. no matter how secret or painful they are.......... otherwise how can they be prepared for that one moment when a skeleton rattles out of a long closed/locked door and shakes your world??

i was also thinking........ with all this 'hurry up and play with me' going on......... there are a whole lot of areas not being discussed......... at least i assume they aren't. Cause would you tell a virtual stranger, an acquaintance......... about mental health issues?? i don't think so..............

Just another reason (in my humble opinion) to slow down the rush to find someone... Complete disclosure is important....... and should be respected.

Stability

Thursday evening Sir suggested that i play it by ear - whether i went to Him on Friday night or waited till Saturday morning........ well when i finished work on Friday i knew.. deep in my bones that i had to get to Sir.... it didn't matter how tired i was.. i had to get there..

Friday evening was spent quiet .. with Sir.. watching TV .. unwinding.. putting the week away...... stabilizing my world.... anchoring it in Sir.. and our relationship.

Saturday was fun !! We went off early in the morning to this amazing shopping area (you can't call it a mall cause this place is as big as a small town!!) And we went from shop to shop... driving actually... cause the shops we wanted were miles apart. i honestly didn't find anything.. i was looking for a birthday present for youngest grandbaby (whose birthday is next week) On the way home Sir stopped at Toys R Us and i found exactly what i was looking !! i love when that happens !!

When we got home.. Sir had me on the sofa on my stomach... and proceeded to whallop my ass with the paint stirrer (god that is evil!!!) and the leather strap. He stopped for a bit and said "we'll continue later" and i burst out crying.. i hadn't got past the "damn that hurts" to "gee that is feeling better"........ and it was just more than my psyche could handle. The tears just flowed... Sir looked shocked ...... poor Sir..... He didn't have a clue why i was crying.. it just couldn't stop.. not like that.. not in mid 'oh my god' .......... god bless Sir.. He picked up the paint stirrer and went at my ass again.. till i was mumbling and muttering and feeling all glowy.

Honestly i don't remember how often He smacked my ass.. or when.. i do remember lying on my back with my legs wide apart while He used the paint stirrer and the leather strap on my inner thighs, and pussy..... over and over again... i was laughing and crying and begging for Him to stop.. but not really meaning it....

and then there was the silly bet i could flop over on my belly and get my ass up in the air before Sir got the stirrer and out of His chair.. and more ass whalloping..,

It was all a blurr.. a wonderful blur of pain and heat.. and oh yeah,.the most amazing orgasm.. i almost forgot that !!

Sunday morning Sir had me on my ass again.... and i am not sure what He did.. or how.. but He trapped my legs wide apart... and went to work fast and furious on my ass. It went past fun to really bad hurt... well maybe not all that bad.. but i felt trapped.. and scared.. and started crying.. and trying to wiggle out of His hold.. needing to breath and feeling like i couldn't.....i kept thinking this isn't fair.. HE has no idea how much that little paint stirrer actually hurts !! let me give HIM a couple of swats with it (yeah yeah i know hardly a gracious / graceful subbie) ... BUT honestly sometimes it just gets my goat ya know.. He is swinging and saying "you LOVE it" when i don't feel like i love it all....

And folks - anyone who says 'safe words' are necessary can BITE ME.. cause at that point in time.. i couldn't even tell Sir to stop... i couldn't find any words.. i was just a blubbering sobbing mess of flesh.

Finally i managed to get my hand back over my ass.. which i almost never do.. and Sir stopped immediately and came and knelt beside me.. face up close to my face.. and He was shocked i was crying.. He said it sounded like my usual laughter (a little hysterical ) He kept asking what was wrong.. and i honestly didn't know.. but everything was fine again.. Sir was there.. face to face.. whispering to me.. calming me.. and all was right again.......

So Sir went back to work on my ass.. until i was... once again....... muttering and mumbling.. and feeling all glowy and stabilized.

Life with Sir is what anchors my world... after a weekend with Sir i am refreshed, revitalized and ready to face the chaos that is part of my life right now. And why you may ask do i feel this peace .. this quiet in my soul .. after such a turmoil of emotions?? i think it is because the spankings symbolize that i don't have a choice.. that Sir IS indeed in charge.. and He will take care of me.. and make sure all is right.

In a world where most of the time i am fighting uphill battles and feeling alone and like i am tilting at windmills.......... it is very reassuring that there is a part of my life that is stable and in control.

A foreward

It's been a really long 3 weeks of school.

i knew going in it was gonna be a challenge - but no one prepared me for how much of a challenge. It has been a long uphill struggle.

My new principal said i have an A type personality... but honestly truthfully - i have no real concept of what that means. All i know is i have to do my job to the very best of my ability. i refuse to make excuses, i refuse to give in. The job has to be done.. .it has to be done in a certain time frame... therefore it will be done.

There have been a series of "practical jokes" played on me.. keys missing... 2 of my class lists went missing.. post it notes with important bits of information gone. Still i worked on... yeah i have a pretty good idea who is doing this... but ya know what??? If i acknowledge she is getting to me.. i lose. If i keep on trucking as though these inconveniences are nothing more than that.. inconveniences... she will lose interest in doing it. (and i am glad to report the "practical jokes" seem to have stopped)

i have an employee who has been placed under my tutelage after a year off .. and she hasn't worked out.. but i can't do anything except bitch to Human Resources - who keep promising me that they are working on the problem. The thing is she doesn't show up for work more than she does.... i cover her lunch kids.. and have to find someone to cover her after noon hours. i can't keep this up.

i was asked to improve security (there was NO security when i got there) i was asked to bring in programs and organisation and to improve the budget. i can do that.. i know i can. .that is what i do best..

BUT what i didn't think about was.... i am running programs with 400 children - i don't know their names or their faces, i don't know their parents, and no one knows me. Most of their cultures are nothing more than something i have read about on the net.. in the news... i am struggling to find common denominators.. Talk about a huge hurdle.

My world is upside down.. and topsy turvy.. more than i ever thought possible...

BUT i have my Sir.. and i have our routine... i don't know what i would do without Him... thank god for the structure and stability of D/s and my Sir..,...

Keeping all that in mind... tomorrow i will do my Monday Morning Report.....

Pop Quiz

OR 56 more things about me

UNIQUE

1. Nervous habits - i fidget and fidget some more
2. Are you double jointed - no but from reading scarlet's pop quiz maybe i should be?
3. Can you roll your tongue - yup i can roll it , fold it, and wave it
4. Can you raise one eyebrow at a time - i don't think so .. but my kids say i have A look
5. Can you blow spit bubbles - why would i want to??
6. Can you cross your eyes - can't everyone?
7. Tattoos - two - one celtic butterfly on my breast - one BDSM symbol on my thigh
8. Piercing - one in each ear - and of course my clit piercing
9. Do you make your bed daily - of course !!

CLOTHES

10. Which shoe goes on first - left
11. Speaking of shoes, have you ever thrown one at anyone? - of course - and it was a wooden clog.. good thing my aim was off
12. On the average, how much money do you carry - 20$
13. What jewelry do you wear 24/7 - earrings, my slave ring and my collar of course
14. Favorite piece of clothing - my red snuggly

FOOD

15. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it - twirl it
16. Have you ever eaten Spam - when i was a kid - Mom used to fry it with eggs
17. Do you use extra salt on your food - rarely
18. How many cereals in your cabinet - none
19. What's your favorite beverage - toss up between coke and coffee - i need my caffeine dontcha know !!
20. What's your favorite fast food restaurant - Spano's - they make the BEST pizza and subs
21. Do you cook - who else is gonna feed me??

GROOMING

22. How often do you brush your teeth - twice daily
23. Hair drying method - blow dryer - is there another way??
24. Have you ever colored/highlighted your hair - sure did - until one dye made my hair fall out (l'Oreal - just so you know)

MANNERS

25. Do you swear - like a trooper - but mostly under my breath
26. Do you ever spit - ewwwww disgusting..

FAVORITE

27. Animal - cat
28. Food - roast lamb
29. Month - July
30. Day - Friday
31. Cartoon - don't have one
32. Shoe brand - if they fit and are comfy then that's my brand!
33. Subject in school - English Literature and History
34. Color - RED
35. Sport - football
36. TV shows - all the CSI shows and all the Law and Order, Bones and the Mentalist
37. Thing to do in the spring - dig in the garden
38. Thing to do in the summer - read and dig in the garden
39. Thing to do in the autumn - work and more work
40. Thing to do in the winter - work more work and shovel snow

IN AND AROUND

41. In the CD player - do i have one??
42. Person you talk most on the phone with - i HATE the phone - but probably my kids
43. Reading - James Patterson - but all good mysteries
44. Do you regularly check yourself out in store windows/mirrors - rarely if ever
45. What color is your bedroom - yellow and navy
46. Do you use an alarm clock - have one but usually don't need it - i am an early riser
47. Window seat or aisle - aisle so i can stretch my legs out if i have to

DUMB

48. What's your sleeping position - on my right side then on my left side and Sir's says when i turn it is dangerous for Him
49. Even in hot weather do you use a blanket - of course
50. Do you snore - a lady NEVER snores - but Sir has a different opinion (on both)
51. Do you sleepwalk - i used to yes
52. Do you talk in your sleep - i used to yes
53. Do you sleep with stuffed animals - yes with cuffs my white teddy bear that Sir gave me
54. How about with the light on - off
55. Do you fall asleep with the TV or radio on - TV it always puts me to sleep
56. Last interesting person you met - luka

It's simple really

Honestly i don't get it......... the mind set of some supposed submissives.

i have heard some say they don't know what they are into.......... which is ok.... one is not expected to know everything......... but to know NOTHING??? They run around like chickens with their heads chopped off asking, anyone who will listen, to tell them what they want/need/desire. HUH?? WTF??? how am i supposed to know what YOU want/need/desire???

It all seems so damn simple to me... i have this need.. this burning need inside me .. i may not be able to explain it - especially to vanilla folks.. but i can identify the need. It is for pain. i am a masochist. It is that simple.

Over time i have identified i love to serve. i gain great pleasure from making Sir a nice dinner, or entertaining His guests with grace and warmth and welcome.

Over time i have learned there are other ways of inflicting the pain i crave (not just through spankings/whippings and floggings)

Over time i have learned the protocols that please my Sir. (they are not the same protocols that would please another but they are what please MY Sir and that is all that is important to me)

Once upon a time i learned the saying "to thine own self be true" and that is so appropriate for this lifestyle. You have to be YOU.. not some doll that is bent and molded to suit another's tastes. You have to feel it (whatever the IT is for you) inside.......... and then follow your instincts. Yes there will be some bending and molding and shaping so that you and your Dom fit .. like puzzle pieces......... but just like puzzle pieces you can't just jam two pieces together and hope it fits..

And dear god in heaven......... don't come marching into this lifestyle taking whatever is thrown at you.. out of some misguided need to be loved and cherished ..... it doesn't work that way!! Inside of you has to be a tiny seed .. that with nurture and work will grow into something wonderful and beautiful.

It really is that simple.

Old fashioned

i am very glad that i am a collared submissive - because truthfully i would not want to start a search for new dominant now .... things have changed so much !!

But having said that... as much as things change they stay the same. Submissives still get all caught up in a frenzy to find THE One.. Dominants still get all caught up in their own PR.... you know.. I am Master listen to me roar.

When i was a bossy bitch subbie.. and leading the submissive group here in the Great White North - we stressed and stressed the importance of getting to know your prospects (be they Dom OR sub !!) before running off with them for a coffee or a play session. Chat with them on line.. email them... chat some more.. take your time.. sometimes they listened.. sometimes they didn't.. but we (we being the older "wiser" submissives) felt we had done our job by warning them.

Now i see - especially on sites like Fet life and collar me and others .. a frantic almost desperate need to "hook up" with someone .........anyone. A couple of emails or messages and both parties are jumping at the bit to meet for coffee and then maybe............ 'let's see what comes after'. i shake my head... do people not understand basic rules of living?? Don't people understand that you can not possibly get to know someone in a week or less of emails??

It bothers me.. it honestly does. In my teens i never dated just one boy at a time.. hell there were just too many i wanted to get to know.... When i was divorced and looking for a Dominant.. i took the same attitude. i wanted to get to know as many folks as i could....... and not just Dominant. i wanted to know the submissives .. the slaves.. the tops..the bottoms.. the Masters .. the Sirs.

i was basically uneducated in the lifestyle and i wanted to learn.........and who better to learn from than all the different folks who came out to munches ??? god i loved the munches.... i could be me.. i didn't pretend to be this groveling subbie who would lick your boots and give you a blow job in one motion. No!! i was me. i chatted to everyone.. and picked their brains.. i was polite .. (social skills i learned at my mother's knee - cause ya see .. i don't care what lifestyle you select - social skills are still valued or should be)

i went to public parties and watched how people interacted.. i made up my mind what it was i really wanted from this lifestyle..... in a Dominant and in myself.

There was a sub who used to crawl around the public venues with a crop in her mouth, her nearly bare ass in the air, begging anyone to whip her. i knew immediately that that wasn't the sort of sub i wanted to be........ i couldn't - not in a million years - carry that one off.

There were subs who would sit in groups (much like when i was at a school dance as a teenager) on the far edges of the action and watch like timid little girls. And i knew i couldn't - not in a million years - be like that.

i watched as Dom's strutted their stuff. Some insisting that every sub/slave kneel and actually - literally - kiss their hand and i thought (WTF!! i can't ever do that !!! i don't respect doms who have a "I rule the world" attitude)

And i watched as Doms stood silently by and watched too......... and seemed as shy as the group of subs sitting on the edges.

Me.. well i was more likely to be moving around.. chatting up folks.. and moving on.. (it's harder to hit a moving target - cheeky grin)

i was looking for someone real..... with warts and bumps .. someone who was human.. and knew it.

And there was this switch....... who - at a play party - stood patiently while a lady did some fancy bondage work on his head !! and another time this lady spent forever doing some fancy bondage work on him.. only to have it fall off his body with what seemed to me at the time a magic wave of HIS hand. This man interested me.. He was cheeky and bratty and lively and fun to be with. He didn't take himself too seriously. He was who he was.. and didn't give a damn if he fit in or not. He flitted from group to group chatting up people... being himself.. not trying to impress anyone. Yup.. this man interested me.

Of course you all know this man i am talking about landed up being my Sir........... but not immediately.

We chatted at munches - at play parties.. we emailed.. and chatted on line.... It must have been almost a year before i begged Him to collar me. By that time .. we knew one another.. (oh we still had lots and lots of kinks to work out....... and so many bumps in the road that we nearly got stalled more than a few times) .......... BUT we kept on plugging along... because ya see... we liked each other .... as people first !!

And i think .. maybe....... it helped that i knew exactly what it was i was looking for. i didn't go around asking people what i should want.. or how i should do things.. nor did i play the helpless female.... i was bold and decisive and made up my own mind. i was my own person.. and ya know what?? i believe that made me more valuable as a submissive.. when i offered my submission to Sir...... it wasn't on a whim.. it had thought behind it.. AND.. more importantly .... it was MINE to give.

Today.......... sigh.............. things have changed i think.... subs and doms alike push for meetings immediately .. they want to play immediately.. they just don't want to take time to get to know people.. yes PEOPLE.. there are a whole lot of fish out there in that BDSM sea ........ and a whole lot of frogs to kiss before you find your prince (or princess).

i think it is a pity everyone is in such a hurry......... they don't know what they are missing.. the different people.. the different philosophies.. the learning ..............

more's the pity.

Modern technology

Is i swear the bane of my existence !!

i had this wonderful post formulating / percolating in my lil subbie brain this morning at 4:30...... (yeah 4:30 A. F*^%KING M. - i had had 7 hours sleep and my body decided it just didn't need 8 today !!! wait till 3 P.M..... i will be snoozing at my desk - but i digress)

So i had this great post percolating away.. and so i decided to get up and write it.......... only problem is.. my pc is not connecting to the internet. (2nd time in 6 weeks - oh joy oh joy!!) So i call the tech people at 4:30 A.M. and get the usual stupid questions like is your modem connected to your pc?? let's try rebooting your modem........ (like i haven't tried all that !!! geeeeeeez.. see my blood pressure go up) After 45 minutes on the phone to India my modem still wasn't connecting to the net, and their best answer was.. "gee I don't know what is wrong. I will get a tech to check your lines" WONDERFUL !!

So i hang up.. and say screw them...hit the reboot button a few times.. and guess what i have a connection again. Don't ask me why......... but it would appear i have intermittent service up here in the Great White North.

This computer problem isn't my only bitch....... my fridge started acting up last spring.. i got a repair guy to come out and his answer to my frost laden freezer was ... i had packed it too full. Ok maybe i do.. but i have packed my freezer that way for all my adult life - why is it NOW deciding it doesn't like it??? Don't ask those questions - cause the fridge tech doesn't have a clue. So i empty the freezer and keep it under packed.. and about 3 weeks ago my freezer frosts up again.. and the fridge isn't cold.. and i have to have the guy out again......... He claims the one time i overpacked the freezer (after a shopping trip - and for only 12 hours) screwed up the workings AGAIN. So now i am being good and not over packing it.. and am running up and down the stairs to the basement to the BIG freezer that works just fine (after 15 years - did i just jinx that one??) ............... and lo and behold i am suspicious the freezer upstairs is starting to frost over again....... See me growl............

Then my new car........... yeah my 6 month old brand spanking new car. It had a tire leak in the right front tire.. i took it in to the service people ... with an appointment and they took like an hour longer than they were supposed to to even LOOK at the damn tire. BUT they fixed it and all was right with the world. Until last week, when the damn tire started leaking air again............... so back it went to the shop. (ok ok i will admit it wasn't the same problem this time.. i had managed to pick up a nail in the tire this time) BUT they had the car from Friday till Monday - to do an oil change, and fix the tire. Monday morning 7:30 they still hadn't fixed the tire !! i told them (well Sir told them for me) to have it fixed by 11 a.m. By 11: 15 when Sir and i got there.. my car was still in the lot with the spare on !! It took them 30 minutes - with the owner of the dealership breathing down their necks - to change my tire!!!

Modern technology !!!!!!!!!! See me growl???

Now the wonderful post i had percolating in my lil subbie brain has gone........ and i have ranted on ........... what a wonderful way to start my day.......... have i told you all i HATE things not running smoothly?? i do you know.. HATE IT !! Life would be so much simpler if everything ran smoothly and repair people knew what they were doing (and being paid damn well to do i might add !!)

Now i am off to work..... and god help the first thing to break down there.. it might just land up on the front lawn of the school.............

See me growl???

Our Trip to Quebec City

This past weekend Sir and i went to Quebec City with the 78th Fraser Highlanders. It was a trip into the past. 250 years ago the British landed at Quebec City and there was an infamous battle which the British won. (go Brits !!)

This summer there was talk of organizing a re-enactment of that battle - but because of a small faction of separatists the government canceled the re-enactment. Well much like 250 years ago, we stole into town in the dark of night and had our celebrations. What follows are pictures of the weekend....... i hope you enjoy them. (if you want to see the large version there is a button in the right hand bottom corner of the slide show that will fill your screen - you only have to hit esc to get back to the blog...... btw.. the pictures are all rated "general" )


This slide show is of Quebec City. On Friday afternoon while we waited for the rest of the "gang of rabble-rousers" to arrive Sir and i took a walking tour of the old city.














This next slide show is of the festivities....... unfortunately for some reason i can't seem to add comments to the slides......... so in a nutshell here is the order of events......

We took a cruise to see the landing site of the British... and to try and get a feel for the enormous task they faced scaling the cliffs........

Then we were taken to the actual landing site and watched as the young 78th Fraser Highlanders rowed into sight and disembarked - the boat they are in was hand made and a replica of a boat similar to what they would have actually used to land.

Sunday morning we went to the Garrison to hold a ceremony ... the french and the British were represented, rifles were fired, swords exchanged all in the name of brotherhood, understanding and history.


What an amazing weekend we had !!!

Faith hope and love

There has been some talk around blogville about having faith in one's Dominant - in having trust in one's Dominant and the usual fare actually.

Mostly the discussions that caught my eye were the ones that revolved around the Dom having/playing with/bringing another into the relationship. This has been something that i have dabbled with Sir.. and Sir has done more than dabble. It didn't work for me.. not from the stand point of being the "alpha sub" or mini dom whatever term you want to use.

There are all sorts of reasons this didn't work out for me.. from finding them too young (and Andrew the weekend's play party and my reaction had nothing to do with ages.. mostly everyone's age was right in the ball park of ours) ... or finding them too bossy (better known as topping from the bottom) and being very critical of what and how i did whatever it was i was doing.

For Sir things went a little bit smoother. (Probably cause He IS dom ) He (almost accidentally ) found a woman who wanted spankings... and maybe even some training. Sir began to introduce her into our relationship. Things didn't go as well as one might hope............. and i landed up feeling the "bad" one... the spoiled one .. the sulky one.. the hard to live with one. (It helps a little bit that this woman has... in a discussion with me this past summer...admitted she set me up .. did things that weren't very nice... and Sir got to read these things and i hope see that it was not entirely my fault that this new "relationship" He was hoping for went down the drain)

Anyway all that is to say........ i made a decision and yah i know sub's / slave's really aren't supposed to make decisions. BUT i explained quietly and passionately to Sir that i thought it would be much better if this "other" woman did not set foot in the condo. If she was kept as far away from me as humanly possible.

Some were surprised when i publically said that. They believed i should have faith and trust and love enough that Sir could have this "other" woman around me. May i say with all due respect ............. BULL SHIT.

i am a firm believer in keeping stress and deceit and all things bad and ugly out of my home. My home is my refuge and place of quiet and peace. When contrary people (to be diplomatic) come into this refuge it changes the atmosphere .. it makes the air charged and electric and i can feel it long after they have left. When i first moved here.. the air was clean and pure and i have worked long and hard to keep it that way. Right or wrong - this IS my place of refuge - and Sir understands my desperate need for a refuge from all the outside evil.

So.......... i even withdrew from the occasional evening chats with this "other" woman. i erased her from my life.. and brought peace and harmony back.

Now some have lectured me about not giving over to Sir's needs and desires by doing this. and i say NAY NAY! i believe i have actually given Sir peace and the space He needs to be free to do as He likes.

But i need to add...... it has not always been easy doing this.... separating myself totally from this "other woman" .. My best example is this past summer... there were days when i thought i might surprise Sir with a visit to His house... pop a picnic supper in the car and whip over to see Him.. and feed Him.... but i stopped each time .. because i did not know if 'she' might be there visiting Him.

And there are evenings when i am chatting with Sir.. when He is slow to respond .. and i wonder if the "other woman" is also talking with Him... but i do not ask.. because even to ask.. is bringing her back into my life.

i believe and am here to say...... openly ......... that my lack of interest and desire in having anything to do with this 'other woman' shows faith and hope and love... and especially trust. i do not need to know what Sir is doing ...... i have faith and hope and love and especially trust that i am NUMBER ONE subbie.. and that Sir will always come back here to me.

two sides of the same coin.

i haven't deserted you all .. honest i haven't. It's just ...well between one thing and another i have been busier than a one armed paper hanger... AND i have been processing the weekend...

i seem to be going through some sort of .. sorting out process?? i don't know what to call it............... state of confusion might work... it happened after camp too....

Sir and i went to the private party on Saturday/Sunday. For the first few hours i felt a little out of place.. and i haven't a clue why............ i felt awkward and a bit like a spectator - which has never bothered me before... so why it hit me on Saturday i don't know.

There was a whole lot of "light" fun play in the afternoon outside in the sunshine - drinking up the view of the mountains and the lakes. Mostly bondage.. but some silly dares like "I can make those nipples grow to an inch" (and they did btw)... not my nipples !!! but a cute lil submissive's nipples, by the name of sparky. There was one lil bondage slut who was being tied in various ties.. from suspension to bamboo ties... and it was fun to watch (especially her cute lil ass wiggling when the bamboo was placed between her legs) .. It was fun to watch the dares of "I can get her dress off over the bondage".......... It was all fun!! but somehow... for some reason.. i felt a little bit like an outsider... which made me uncomfortable.

There was a point when Sir did a show and tell with our toys......... the rubber slapper... the sjambok... etc... and i did present my ass over the picnic table for a demo of each.............. BUT it didn't feel right... i do wish i could explain it better than "it didn't feel right" but i can't..........

i do know i was stressing over Sir going to want me naked in the dungeon after dinner.. and no one... and i do mean NO ONE was getting naked.... i do know i was waiting for the spanking toys to come out .. to hear the cries of pain.. but it didn't really happen...

OH there was a submissive who was put on one of the tables and there were 2 dommes spanking her.. but as her ass didn't even get pink.. and as i was watching ... and it sure didn't appear they were hitting very hard.. and yeah she was yelping and wiggling and screeching.. it just didn't look that hard ya know what i mean??

And i guess maybe i was a little worried that i would be the odd ball.. the one getting whooped with rubber spankers and sjamboks till my ass was welted and red and i really didn't want to be the odd ball............

Anyway......... i didn't tell Sir any of those thoughts.. cause despite my feelings of being odd.. i wanted that whooping............... so when Sir strung me up from the bar on the winch.. i was more than ready......... (oh yeah.. and Sir - god bless Him - didn't make me strip, cause i had this lacey stretch dress on.. that can be bunched up over my head and shoulders - sort of like a pair of stocks - which then exposes all the necessary parts without my feeling naked - weird as that sounds)

Sir raised the winch till i was almost on tippy toes... He cuffed my ankles together.. and was getting ready to start ..when Praeda our friend from camp came into the dungeon. Sir asked her if she would like a warm up on my ass... and Praeda almost ran to get her toys.. which made me laugh - cause i thought i was the only one who ran to a spanking !!

So there i was with Praeda behind me working on my ass and back and Sir (who had unclipped my ankles - at my request i might add) working on whipping my tits and pussy.

There was a big school room type clock just to the right of me.. and for some reason i became obssessed with watching it.. not wanting the delightful sensations to end.. and if i watched the clock somehow i would delay the end... (in my warped mind)... it was 8:10 when the whooping started... it was 8:50 when Praeda hugged me and kissed me and told me she was leaving me to my Sir... and i remember thanking her groggily and kissing her back.. and then Sir moved around behind me and was going at my ass with the rubber slapper and the sjambok.. and finally the suede flogger... i looked again at the clock and it was 9:20 and i remember thinking WOW over an hour - i can go forever... (i am woman see me roar!!)

BUT it was shortly after that that i felt the familiar thunk in my shoulders and i knew my knees/body had given out and despite my desire to continue.. i knew it was the final sign for Sir that it was time to take me down.... Sir promised.. much like you promise a child - that we would go back - but we didn't... the evening was over - for me anyway.

Sunday morning saw a few of the party goers sitting around the breakfast table scarfing down eggs and waffles and bacon and fruit and cream and pots of coffee.. and i couldn't help but think......... how weird i am for loving the beatings.. and wondering why .. WHY.. is it the harder the swings.. the more frequent the swings.. the more people who participate in the swings.. the happier i am..... and i just felt weird. Maybe it is my new form of sub drop or something.. this feeling that i am some sort of weirdo... shrug who knows??

Then Sir and i were dashing home again...... arriving late Sunday afternoon. i still had a dessert to make and a barbeque to get ready for Monday afternoon's family Labour Day party.

Sir (God bless him again) took on the job of getting all the patio furniture from my "secret garden" to the back yard... and before we knew it the family arrived with much noise and laughter and hugs and kisses. There hamburgers and 1/4 pounder hot dogs .. coleslaw and a caramel sinfully delicious dessert. The kids went "rock" climbing on granny's rocks in the back field.. and then we built a tent to hide in.. and flew paper airplanes...




And finally it was all over.. the BDSM / vanilla weekend......... my two sides of the same coin!!

Memory

Memory is a funny thing......... things you have forgotten just kind of pop up ... in your face.. and a whole sensation of emotions /sensations flow through your body.

That is what happened to me yesterday - at work - in front of the pc - entering data till i was nearly blind.

And poof ...... there was this memory of last weekend's needle session. And a sound - i can't describe it at all.. but there was a sound that made me turn my head and glance over at Sir (who was sitting on the floor beside me). He was unbuckling His belt.

And as i sat there in front of my computer, a whole waft of emotions and sensations flooded through my body.

i remembered feeling slightly threatened by the thought of His removing His belt.

i remembered feeling slightly excited by His removing His belt.

i remember thinking "god i hope He is gonna use that on my ass" (He could have just been full from dinner)

i remember feeling so damn horny as i watched Him fold it neatly in half.

and i remembered the feeling .. the sting.. the slap of that belt across my ass.

Yeah memories are weird......... things you thought you had forgotten can come flooding back when you least expect them.

Words

i have been thinking about the power of words.. to build up .. to destroy .. to entice .. to enhance.. to confuse.. Words........ all the words we use every day......

And i am betting you are all asking yourselves "what made her think of this brilliant topic??"

Well let me explain to all you curious ones.........

Sir and i received an invitation to a private play party this weekend. i didn't pay it much attention because my attention (99% of it ) has been on work and the piles of papers demanding my attention. (Please notice i did leave 1% for Sir... after all i am supposed to squeeze Him in!!!)

Until this morning that is....... i was sitting at my pc reading my emails.. and on the far right side of my email program is a list of upcoming events (sounds like so much fun doesn't it?? upcoming events?? except usually the only things listed there are meetings or bills to pay.... so i usually don't pay it much mind) Until this morning..

And i noticed the words "Our Pinnacle Palais of Perv" .......... and my mind didn't go to the party that we will be attending......... but to the flow of the words.. the sound of them.. the feel of them as they roll off my tongue.... AND to the absolute brilliance of the mind that put those words together to announce the grand opening of their newly finished dungeon.

There are people who are blessed with a talent for writing.... the words flow and create pictures and deep emotions and wonderment. Selkie is one of those writers...... if you haven't read her you should.. go take a peek at her blog... daughter of the sea

i on the other hand do not write flowing descriptive literature. i write like i talk... which is why i use all those dots in my writing... i rarely stop to take a breath .. (ask Sir - He is always reminding me to breathe) Buffalo is always asking me where i get expressions and usually i have managed to butcher some old expression.. shrug.. but the words flow as they will from my warped mind.

And i think that is why i am having such a hard time getting back to my Fictional Journey.. my story telling. When i write there, i write formally - definitely not the way i talk.... and i try (hard i might add) to create pictures in the reader's mind - and not just dirty pictures either !!
And this new saga of story telling....... with the oriental twist .. is really hard........... i find myself wanting to get down to the "juicy bits" and leave out the picture drawing, and the formal language.

Outside of this medium.. (blog writing that is) i tend to be blunt.. short and to the point - especially at work. i have no patience for long winded stories that start 20 years ago and work their way up to the present tense......... which is probably why a number of my new employees have stopped relating things to me...... cause i always ask that they give me the "Reader's Digest version" ....... Something i am frequently telling youngest daughter - who loves to give me all sorts of back ground .. before getting down to the point.

Anyway......... all of these words are really to just say two things......

ONE - Sir and i will be leaving tomorrow for this private play party.. i am not sure how i feel about the idea.. the Pinnacle Palais of Perv is waiting for us....... and i haven't even given any thought as to what toys to bring.. what to wear .. maybe tomorrow when i don't have to be up at the crack of dawn to go face piles of paper i will have some enthusiasm for the idea....... oh yeah.. and i wanted to say.. i probably won't post here again till sometime on Monday .... late Monday - cause the kids are coming over for a Labour Day Barbeque

and TWO........ (damn i can't remember what two was!!) i guess i must have run out of WORDS. (and breath)

Day 2

Day 2 was better than Day 1.......... oh god was it better !!

What really helped (and may god forgive me i know it isn't very "christian" to feel this way..... BUT..........) i heard that my old school is in a terrible mess... despite my careful plans and preparations to leave them ready to start the new year........ they are in such a mess!! My old principal called me last evening to share horror tales of how my old staff can't follow simple directions.. how they don't know their ass from their elbow and everyone is flying by the seat of their pants. He said it was like NONE of them had ever done the job before ........ i actually burst out laughing and then quickly apologized i know it isn't funny - for him - but my god it was redeeming for me. Me who complained they were useless and needed their hands held 100% of the time - Me who bitched that the Board needed some guidelines on hiring.. Me who bitched that there was no way to reward the hard workers and get rid of the slackers...

Well now they are all realizing how bad it really was there ............. how much and how often i covered people's asses........

So yeah.. it feels very good to know that i am vindicated.

The Board has a 20 day rule......... if you transfer and don't like the job .. you can transfer back to your old job with no consequences. i had joked with my new principal on day 1 that i was considering the 20 day rule. She stood up and said NOOOOOOOOOOOO you can't do that !!! i had laughed and said i was kidding... and i had been.

i repeated the joke to my old principal - who didn't see the joke - but wondered IF i would actually consider the 20 day rule. i told him "not on your life!" finally after a long long time.. i am happy again in my job.. i am challenged.. and i am flying ........ this is where i want to be.. with all it's problems and hiccups.. this is where i BELONG.

Now on to day 3.

In a Nutshell

Sir was amazing this past weekend.... i don't know maybe all Doms know exactly what their sub needs/wants and can handle........BUT Sir knew that i wasn't up to very much of anything this weekend except recharging my batteries.

Never mind the fact that i had some how run out of time during the week and still had a mass of shopping to do for the program and baking to do for staff meetings... and laundry to do so i wouldn't scare off the kids and parents by going in naked... i was reeling from 9 - 10 hour long days. Even the Board got wind of the mess i had been dropped in and they actually stepped up to the plate and offered any and all forms of help (that was a WOW moment - except by the time the offer came through i had finished just about everything)

Anyway getting back to the weekend and my amazing Sir......... He opted for the giant clothes peg .... and some needle play .... and shaving me. Now for some reason needle play has always totally and completely relaxed me... it may be that i don't fight the initial onset of the scene like i do with a flogging / whipping........ i just lie there and the needles go in.. and yeah there isn't pain like with a flogging... but there is the constant prick prick prick as the needles go in........ and then of course Sir loves to run His hands over them and make them vibrate in me... and then of course there is always the spanking between the needles - which makes me hold my breath cause ya know.. His aim might just be off and hit one of the damn needles... BUT the whole experience is one of total relaxation for me... i feel the stress leaving my body.. feel the muscles turn to jelly rather than knotted masses of tightness..... my brain is soothed.. my body is soothed... and i come away from it relaxed and ready for bed usually

All weekend Sir had been saying He was going to shave me... so Sunday out came the bowls and the razors and the shaving cream and the Gold Bond medicated powder. And the shaving was done. That too is quite relaxing.. i love the feel of Sir's hands manipulating my pussy...... tugging it this way and that........ the feel of the cool blade sliding over my skin... i hadn't shaved in about two weeks.... and as much as i HATE not being shaved .. some weeks i just don't have the time or energy to get it done in the shower...
It felt like a treat to lie there on the bed.. while Sir shaved me clean....

And so come Monday morning i was clean shaven, with clean clothes, brownies baked and piled high on a platter for the meeting, all the shopping tucked away in the trunk of the car ....and i felt as though i was ready for this.......... the first day of school.

GOD some times i can be so wrong !!!!

First off, some of my staff do not get the concept of alphabetical order !! i was trying to pass out parent packs to each group .. the staff had attendance sheets i had the packs. It all seemed quite simple to me.. i call out the last name first and the first name last (in alphabetical order) and they find the names (or not - as the case may be) on their attendance sheets. We should have gotten it done in 30 minutes.. except we didn't. i kept seeing the ladies flipping through their sheets, i kept saying we are on "B" (for example) no one should have to look on the second sheet!! BUT they didn't get it.... so we didn't get them all done..............

Then as the children eat in a large multipurpose room.. i gave each of the ladies a sign with a room number on it (made perfect sense to me) i told them to stand at their tables and hold the signs up so the children could find their room numbers. Except the ladies didn't. And chaos reigned.

And then add to that........ that one of my employees didn't show up... for lunch or after school and didn't call.. and that left me short handed so i had to take a group.

And i met my new school's Christopher Robin. yeah they actually have a Christopher Robin....... i met him at 7:15 when he came barreling around a corner and nearly ran me over.....

i arrived at school at 7 in the morning and left at 6:15 in the evening...... left?? no i would say more like i dragged myself out at 6:15, drained, exhausted, but not too discouraged.. which counts for everything right?!!!

And so the first day of school has come and gone........ i am ready for the second day.... cause ya know .. the second day can NOT be nearly as bad as the first right???