Stability

Thursday evening Sir suggested that i play it by ear - whether i went to Him on Friday night or waited till Saturday morning........ well when i finished work on Friday i knew.. deep in my bones that i had to get to Sir.... it didn't matter how tired i was.. i had to get there..

Friday evening was spent quiet .. with Sir.. watching TV .. unwinding.. putting the week away...... stabilizing my world.... anchoring it in Sir.. and our relationship.

Saturday was fun !! We went off early in the morning to this amazing shopping area (you can't call it a mall cause this place is as big as a small town!!) And we went from shop to shop... driving actually... cause the shops we wanted were miles apart. i honestly didn't find anything.. i was looking for a birthday present for youngest grandbaby (whose birthday is next week) On the way home Sir stopped at Toys R Us and i found exactly what i was looking !! i love when that happens !!

When we got home.. Sir had me on the sofa on my stomach... and proceeded to whallop my ass with the paint stirrer (god that is evil!!!) and the leather strap. He stopped for a bit and said "we'll continue later" and i burst out crying.. i hadn't got past the "damn that hurts" to "gee that is feeling better"........ and it was just more than my psyche could handle. The tears just flowed... Sir looked shocked ...... poor Sir..... He didn't have a clue why i was crying.. it just couldn't stop.. not like that.. not in mid 'oh my god' .......... god bless Sir.. He picked up the paint stirrer and went at my ass again.. till i was mumbling and muttering and feeling all glowy.

Honestly i don't remember how often He smacked my ass.. or when.. i do remember lying on my back with my legs wide apart while He used the paint stirrer and the leather strap on my inner thighs, and pussy..... over and over again... i was laughing and crying and begging for Him to stop.. but not really meaning it....

and then there was the silly bet i could flop over on my belly and get my ass up in the air before Sir got the stirrer and out of His chair.. and more ass whalloping..,

It was all a blurr.. a wonderful blur of pain and heat.. and oh yeah,.the most amazing orgasm.. i almost forgot that !!

Sunday morning Sir had me on my ass again.... and i am not sure what He did.. or how.. but He trapped my legs wide apart... and went to work fast and furious on my ass. It went past fun to really bad hurt... well maybe not all that bad.. but i felt trapped.. and scared.. and started crying.. and trying to wiggle out of His hold.. needing to breath and feeling like i couldn't.....i kept thinking this isn't fair.. HE has no idea how much that little paint stirrer actually hurts !! let me give HIM a couple of swats with it (yeah yeah i know hardly a gracious / graceful subbie) ... BUT honestly sometimes it just gets my goat ya know.. He is swinging and saying "you LOVE it" when i don't feel like i love it all....

And folks - anyone who says 'safe words' are necessary can BITE ME.. cause at that point in time.. i couldn't even tell Sir to stop... i couldn't find any words.. i was just a blubbering sobbing mess of flesh.

Finally i managed to get my hand back over my ass.. which i almost never do.. and Sir stopped immediately and came and knelt beside me.. face up close to my face.. and He was shocked i was crying.. He said it sounded like my usual laughter (a little hysterical ) He kept asking what was wrong.. and i honestly didn't know.. but everything was fine again.. Sir was there.. face to face.. whispering to me.. calming me.. and all was right again.......

So Sir went back to work on my ass.. until i was... once again....... muttering and mumbling.. and feeling all glowy and stabilized.

Life with Sir is what anchors my world... after a weekend with Sir i am refreshed, revitalized and ready to face the chaos that is part of my life right now. And why you may ask do i feel this peace .. this quiet in my soul .. after such a turmoil of emotions?? i think it is because the spankings symbolize that i don't have a choice.. that Sir IS indeed in charge.. and He will take care of me.. and make sure all is right.

In a world where most of the time i am fighting uphill battles and feeling alone and like i am tilting at windmills.......... it is very reassuring that there is a part of my life that is stable and in control.