Wednesday, September 09, 2009

two sides of the same coin.

i haven't deserted you all .. honest i haven't. It's just ...well between one thing and another i have been busier than a one armed paper hanger... AND i have been processing the weekend...

i seem to be going through some sort of .. sorting out process?? i don't know what to call it............... state of confusion might work... it happened after camp too....

Sir and i went to the private party on Saturday/Sunday. For the first few hours i felt a little out of place.. and i haven't a clue why............ i felt awkward and a bit like a spectator - which has never bothered me before... so why it hit me on Saturday i don't know.

There was a whole lot of "light" fun play in the afternoon outside in the sunshine - drinking up the view of the mountains and the lakes. Mostly bondage.. but some silly dares like "I can make those nipples grow to an inch" (and they did btw)... not my nipples !!! but a cute lil submissive's nipples, by the name of sparky. There was one lil bondage slut who was being tied in various ties.. from suspension to bamboo ties... and it was fun to watch (especially her cute lil ass wiggling when the bamboo was placed between her legs) .. It was fun to watch the dares of "I can get her dress off over the bondage".......... It was all fun!! but somehow... for some reason.. i felt a little bit like an outsider... which made me uncomfortable.

There was a point when Sir did a show and tell with our toys......... the rubber slapper... the sjambok... etc... and i did present my ass over the picnic table for a demo of each.............. BUT it didn't feel right... i do wish i could explain it better than "it didn't feel right" but i can't..........

i do know i was stressing over Sir going to want me naked in the dungeon after dinner.. and no one... and i do mean NO ONE was getting naked.... i do know i was waiting for the spanking toys to come out .. to hear the cries of pain.. but it didn't really happen...

OH there was a submissive who was put on one of the tables and there were 2 dommes spanking her.. but as her ass didn't even get pink.. and as i was watching ... and it sure didn't appear they were hitting very hard.. and yeah she was yelping and wiggling and screeching.. it just didn't look that hard ya know what i mean??

And i guess maybe i was a little worried that i would be the odd ball.. the one getting whooped with rubber spankers and sjamboks till my ass was welted and red and i really didn't want to be the odd ball............

Anyway......... i didn't tell Sir any of those thoughts.. cause despite my feelings of being odd.. i wanted that whooping............... so when Sir strung me up from the bar on the winch.. i was more than ready......... (oh yeah.. and Sir - god bless Him - didn't make me strip, cause i had this lacey stretch dress on.. that can be bunched up over my head and shoulders - sort of like a pair of stocks - which then exposes all the necessary parts without my feeling naked - weird as that sounds)

Sir raised the winch till i was almost on tippy toes... He cuffed my ankles together.. and was getting ready to start ..when Praeda our friend from camp came into the dungeon. Sir asked her if she would like a warm up on my ass... and Praeda almost ran to get her toys.. which made me laugh - cause i thought i was the only one who ran to a spanking !!

So there i was with Praeda behind me working on my ass and back and Sir (who had unclipped my ankles - at my request i might add) working on whipping my tits and pussy.

There was a big school room type clock just to the right of me.. and for some reason i became obssessed with watching it.. not wanting the delightful sensations to end.. and if i watched the clock somehow i would delay the end... (in my warped mind)... it was 8:10 when the whooping started... it was 8:50 when Praeda hugged me and kissed me and told me she was leaving me to my Sir... and i remember thanking her groggily and kissing her back.. and then Sir moved around behind me and was going at my ass with the rubber slapper and the sjambok.. and finally the suede flogger... i looked again at the clock and it was 9:20 and i remember thinking WOW over an hour - i can go forever... (i am woman see me roar!!)

BUT it was shortly after that that i felt the familiar thunk in my shoulders and i knew my knees/body had given out and despite my desire to continue.. i knew it was the final sign for Sir that it was time to take me down.... Sir promised.. much like you promise a child - that we would go back - but we didn't... the evening was over - for me anyway.

Sunday morning saw a few of the party goers sitting around the breakfast table scarfing down eggs and waffles and bacon and fruit and cream and pots of coffee.. and i couldn't help but think......... how weird i am for loving the beatings.. and wondering why .. WHY.. is it the harder the swings.. the more frequent the swings.. the more people who participate in the swings.. the happier i am..... and i just felt weird. Maybe it is my new form of sub drop or something.. this feeling that i am some sort of weirdo... shrug who knows??

Then Sir and i were dashing home again...... arriving late Sunday afternoon. i still had a dessert to make and a barbeque to get ready for Monday afternoon's family Labour Day party.

Sir (God bless him again) took on the job of getting all the patio furniture from my "secret garden" to the back yard... and before we knew it the family arrived with much noise and laughter and hugs and kisses. There hamburgers and 1/4 pounder hot dogs .. coleslaw and a caramel sinfully delicious dessert. The kids went "rock" climbing on granny's rocks in the back field.. and then we built a tent to hide in.. and flew paper airplanes...

And finally it was all over.. the BDSM / vanilla weekend......... my two sides of the same coin!!


  1. It sounds like an interesting weekend; but as you describe it, I think I understand (and would probably also feel the asme) why you felt odd. the "spanking" you said the submissive was getting sounds like what I have seen at various places - and frankly, it leaves me uncomfortable. The reason? To me it is "playacting"- it is obvious (at least from my perspective) that this is all a bit game, almost a case of people showing off - when you really enjoy the actual reality of a serious scene, then suddenly you feel like you're the odd man out- not part of the "cool" crowd.

    but YOU are the genuine article, YOU are the one who is partiicpating as (I think) these scense were meant to be enjoyed.

    When all is said and done, it seems to me you and your Sir did something that you BOTH enjoyed; and in the end , you did him PROUD again girl!


  2. morningstar, it sounds like a delightful weekend and what a great way to release some of the stress you've experienced in your new professional roll.

    We've certainly had the "outsider" reaction at some parties. I know we felt that way at our last forray into "the community." I will echo selkie's comment about those who play act scenes, and how their theatrics leave a feeling of emptiness in their wake.

    Ceertainly your and Sir's demonstrations of your sensual erotic orientations are never prone to that sort of subterfuge.

    Congratulations on another new school year, in a new program, well begun, and to you both on a wonderful weekend. The pics of your grand ones climbing are wonderful!

    All the best,


    Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined.

  3. Anonymous1:39 pm

    For some reason reading this post I very quickly got the idea in my head that many of the others at the party were younger and newer to the scene probably around the start of the fourth paragraph.

    Anyway, could that be part of why you were unconfortable?

    Just the thoughts that came to my mind...

  4. Seems like a broke a promise :-((

    Owner of morningstar


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