Mission Impossible part 2

Remember my task/challenge from the other night?? masturbating till i felt an orgasm and then stop....... three times.. with the BRUT.



i wondered all day if Sir had any idea how uncomfortable i was..

First off - my ass muscles and hip muscles even my right shoulder was stiff and achy today. Best work out i have had in a long time !!!

Then i had to deal with an achy pussy...... more than an achy pussy..... my clit ring seemed to roll around and tug on my clit all day making it difficult for me to focus on anything but the warm ache inside. My car ride home felt as though the whole car had turned into a giant vibrator..... god i ached !!!

When i got home i hoped to find another task.. permission to masturbate again but be able to cum this time. There was nothing.......

Just before i went to make dinner i checked my email....... Sir was going out for dinner, and i was to use the BRUT again at 6:30 sharp........ this time i was to cum three consecutive times.

i was delighted.. i was excited.. i was wet instantly. Unfortunately not so excited or delighted or wet that i didn't fall asleep after my dinner. Go figure !!
Anyway...... 5 minutes late........ i scurried upstairs, grabbed the BRUT and flopped on the bed.......... i was more than ready for this.

That's when i realized .......... my ass muscles and hip muscles still hurt.. and oh my god my shoulder !!! The BRUT felt like it weighed 2 tons...... and my wrist was suddenly as limp as a wet noodle.

The first orgasm was easy....... slide in the BRUT, turn it on.. et voila almost instantly the tightening of the muscles that preclude a gushing soaking bone shaking orgasm.

The second and third were not as easy..... my arm ached and i couldn't hold the BRUT at just the right angle. It vibrated hard against my clit jewelry and it almost hurt the vibrations were so intense.

It would seem i am always being reminded "be careful what you wish for"...
But honestly .. in this case..... i am not complaining.. well not too loudly or too long..........

Thank you Sir for giving me 3 orgasms.....(even if i do sound like i am bitching, whining and complaining !! i'm not You know Sir.. nope not.. not one little bit.. )

Mission Impossible?

Sir gave me a task last evening.........


i was to get my new vibrator.. the BRUT.. and masturbate 3 times without cumming........

i even asked Sir for clarification.. because honestly .. He HAD to be kidding.. masturbate with the BRUT and not cum???

He was not kidding.........

So after my nice hot bubble bath..... after brushing my teeth and brushing my hair.. i went to bed and prepared to do battle with the BRUT....

i gritted my teeth and because i knew as soon as that monster got near my clit i was gonna be shutting it off pretty damn quick i made sure my finger was on the on/off button.. i even set it to low........... i slid it in... and took a deep breath..... and oh my god !! my whole damn body seemed to be vibrating.. and i was enjoying it so much........ i almost didn't shut it off in time........

But i did....... and i lay there panting like a bitch in heat......

Round two............ i held my breath.... i slid it in.. i turned it on (still on low) and lasted a little bit longer...... not much.. but a little bit........ god it felt so good...... i wanted to cum so badly.. i was dripping wet..... lying in a puddle... and all i could think was "what would happen if i just cum?" but i didn't......... it has been so long since Sir set a task for me.. ok ok this was more a challenge......... that i wasn't gonna let him down........

i laid very still.. i turned the tv on (any distraction would help) i slid it back in for the third and final time....... it was so hard........... it really was...... every single cell of my body was screaming for release......... i was moaning and in my mind i was begging Sir to let me cum.......i held on for as long as i dared.. then flipped the switch off.........

as i laid there with tears in my eyes because i needed it so badly.. and because i had succeeded.. i thought how lucky i am to have a Sir who knows exactly when to apply the pressure..... when to remind me everything i am is His......... it just felt right.. and good.

Birthday Spanks

One of my great loves that dates back to the days when Sir and i were new.. and He didn't always flog me or whip me etc.. was the old tradition of birthday spanks ! i knew i was guaranteed a fairly good number of birthday swats on that one special day of the year!!

Only one problem.. i am a masochist...... so how do you give a masochist enough spanks to fulfill .. maybe even surpass the number.. and STILL stick to the 30 or so swats (cough cough) needed for the birthday?? (have i lost you yet?? )

This weekend i had requested (not so much because it was my birthday .. but more because the "need monster" had grown inside me again) lots and lots and LOTS of spanks. Sir has been doing his best to fulfill my "birthday wish"......... And he had a brilliant idea.. a nasty evil brilliant idea !!! Don't start off slow with nice lil toys.. don't be kind or gentle or GOS... go for the flow .. immediately.

So on Saturday morning......... before we headed off for my family birthday party .......... Sir instructed me to wear the tack bra........... kind of like a meat tenderizer.. get the "meat" prepared for thrills later on...............

Now there is a definite problem wearing a tack bra in the vanilla world........... the family don't know.. it is "mom's" birthday..... so lots and lots of tight loving hugs are in order.. can i say OUCH?? The other wee problem .. who is quite wee.. is baby grandson, who quickly became bored of sitting around a table listening to a bunch of grownups chatting..... granny.. being the devoted loving granny i am .. picked him up and took him for a walk.. which involved a lot of baby squishing granny's boobs in his attempt to climb up and out of granny's arms........ oh joy oh joy !!! (all of this gives a whole new meaning to joyous birthday celebrations)



(warning - this bit is not for the faint of heart !!)

When we came home Sir had me go and fetch the tack paddle........ my heart went flip flop.. tack paddle??? There was no denying Sir my birthday spanks with the implement of His choice !!! BUT i will be honest, He was loving enough to warm me up with the reverse side of the tack paddle before He got down to "business". At one point i felt Sir swing .. hit.. and lift.. and as the paddle was lifted from my ass, i could hear?? or feel?? the tacks popping out of my skin...over and over i felt the impact.. the lifting and hear the pop pop sound of the tacks being yanked out of my ass.....


Before bed (later in the evening) Sir decided that the cane.. the swishy ouchy bendy cane should be used to finish the birthday spanks. Originally Sir wanted (thought about??) using it on my breasts - but after watching me pale at the thought, Sir stuck with the ass...

on the already tenderized pulverized ass....
trust me when i say a swishy ouchy bendy cane across a tenderized ass is something everyone should experience.. (or not !)

But as i went to bed i wondered if i had had the prescribed number of "birthday spanks".. Truthfully - even though the number is way over 30... it wouldn't have been enough to satisfy this masochist.. so what is to be done??

i have a couple of suggestions for further birthdays.......
1) the number of years X the number of toys
2) the number of years X the number of minutes -- which might still not be enough
3) the number of years X the toys X every Dom who has ever felt he/she owed me a swat.
Now that ONE might just work... cause trust me when i say...... i have tempted more than a few doms to pick up a paddle and have a go on my ass...... (smiling sweetly at Buffalo)

And so my birthday has come to an end.............. today we are off to a model train show and then home to drakor and contracts and house cleaning..................

A day of "attitudes"

It was a weird kind of day yesterday...... not to bore you with details it started off with me feeling mildly out of sorts.......... and facing a big morning of shopping for school. (anyone who knows me real time .. knows i absolutely HATE shopping!!)

But i struggled through the morning tasks.. and got back to school in one piece .. and planned on a nice quiet lunch and afternoon and then into an evening meeting.. i just kept telling myself.. this is a walk in the park.. go in your office close the door.. put on some soothing music.. and let life go on without you for one day.

Best laid plans and all that.......... half way through the noon hour (while i was in the main office dosing up my kiddies on their meds) a mom came in. A mom i had had to call earlier in the week with bad news.... not news any mom wants to hear. Her 7 year old son was caught trying to self mutilate his genitals. (it turned out this was not the first call she had had from the school about her son.. but was most definitely the most disturbing) She wanted to talk to me.. she wanted to observe her son outside playing... i gave her permission... and promised to join her as soon as i could........ i spent 20 minutes with that mom.. listening to her rage against the school and staff who must be the ones who were creating this anger / pain / low self esteem in her son.. she moved on to other possible causes.. including herself. She cried.. i held her. Mostly i listened.. Finally i pointed out the obvious.. we could not solve her son's problems standing in the parking lot in a 20 minute discussion... she needed to turn to the school specialists and trust they would work long and hard to help her son.. She hugged me.. called me "precious" wiped her tears and came in to set up an appointment for this morning !!

Later in the day i had another little guy (another 7 year old) get angry at one of my educators and say to her (after much bickering and ignoring and stamping of feet) 'what the F*&%K is YOUR problem?" he was quick marched down to my office. This was the second time we had suffered through his abusive language......... rudeness and total disrespect. i called his mom.. (for the second time in about as many days) i went through the routine again.. about the language.. about his anger.. and she stood fast that this was a school problem.. her son NEVER used that sort of language.. never showed such defiance ... it was our fault. Only this time i was prepared.. i handed the little boy the phone.. we had already discussed this... he hated when mommy and daddy fought and yelled .. and they used THE word all the time.......... she heard the words out of his mouth..... it wasn't the school.. it wasn't the other kids.. the problems were deeper than that.

Add to that my realization that some of my staff may be homophobic (and ohhhhhh god don't be homophobic around me !!!) because they were laughing and making fun of yet another child.. a 9 year old boy who loves to buff his nails and wear nail polish.. who is showing strong tendencies towards homosexuality... and i warned them all they had better shelve THAT attitude - he was a 9 year old boy who was probably starting to realize how different he was from the other boys....... and their job was to help him deal with his differences.. to help the others deal with his differences...

And finally around 9:30 p.m. i limped home........ exhausted.. and thinking about people's attitudes. How sometimes it is really difficult to see the forest for the trees. How easy it is to say "not my problem - the problem lies with you" and how my job hasn't changed in 20 years in many fundamental ways......... the parents and the kids still need me.. and that is the best feeling in the world ... to know in some way you can help.

see subbie smile

no more antsy unfocused subbie.......... Sunday after i took drakor home.. Sir made sure i had another good spanking with the crop.......... absolutely delicious !! i do love that crop...

And the icing on the cake??

a full blown.... gushing .. puddle on the carpet orgasm... and yeah i did complain again that i was dry .. that it was broken.. and once again Sir made sure to prove me wrong...... god i love it when Sir is right !!!

~~~~~~~~~~
tomorrow... an entry about house boy's introduction to veggie scrubbers and feather dusters..........
don't you agree that a house boy should know the uses of both???

did battle

Yes that is MY ass... Yes i did get the long awaited session .. YES the beast inside was fed..

But it didn't come easily........ it was a battle.........

and i know i am not the only one who fights this battle when the paddles and the whips come out........ i found this picture .. and thought how appropriate it is...... hate and love with misery spelled out across the middle...........


because that is exactly how it all started last night.......

It was late when Sir took me downstairs....... my fault....... entirely my fault that we didn't get around to a session till late....... in the afternoon i had a minor little (ok ok major) emotional melt down over my youngest daughter's wedding.......... and i kept saying "i have to sit and talk with her!!" As fate would have it .. when i called her.. she and her fiancé were having an "adult day" and had time to come by and sit and talk .... and talk we did....... for just over 2 1/2 hours ........ until i felt secure in the fact that she was happy.......... (i thought the damn brides were supposed to get emotional not the mother of the bride!!) But once we talked about styles and budgets and wants and needs....... i felt so much better.. and i think she did too... at least now she feels someone is thinking/talking about her wedding.. it is going to be a bit of a tight rope walk this year .. to get through two daughter's weddings ..... in the same summer !!!

Anywayyyyyyyyyy .. back to the topic.......... Sir took me downstairs and i went dragging my heels......... where was this bloody craving i had had all week?? Hells bells if Sir had been here during the week i might very well have attacked Him and dragged Him downstairs.. throwing myself at His feet and begging for the pain i so needed. Yet here it was.. the time to play........ and i can't get past the feeling that i really don't want to do this... that it is unfair.. i am so weird sometimes !!

Sir had me strung up on the cross - my favourite equipment - and going nice and slow.. easing me into the session so to speak.... and i can't get my head around it. Sir tried a nice rhythm ..and it hurt and i ground my teeth and glared.. Sir tried my favourite flogger .. and it hurt and i ground my teeth and glared.. (all the while in my head i had this battle going on... between loving and hating....and how absolutely miserable i felt...... and it kept feeling like the hating side was winning.. i was hating what Sir was doing to me.. i was hating the toys that were doing it.. i was hating Sir!) Sir got the wartenburg wheel........normally i LOVE the wheel .... i twisted and turned and tried to get away from it.. i yelped ouch .. i fought it... and all the while in my head the battle was raging........... and i was watching and thinking "stop it stop it stop it" (but to whom i was shouting this mantra to in my head - the hate or the love or even to Sir .. i have no idea). It just felt plain miserable.

Sir almost flung the wheel down... oh i am so sure He was wondering what to do to push me over the edge of the battle........ He wrapped his hands in my hair and pulled my head back and said .. so low and so fierce in my ear... "do you hate me?" and i answered "Yes Sir!" and the hand stayed wrapped in the hair and his other hand started to spank.. a slow methodical spanking......... building and building the heat in my ass.......... and somehow.. in my mind's eye i saw Sir slapping away the hate.. slapping away the misery.. holding my head up - hand wrapped tightly in my hair.. making me feel anchored and focused..........

And just like that... (imagine a snapping of a finger) POOF the battle was over.. and the love had won............. i marveled at how easily it had happened.. it was like the love just kept growing and growing till it filled my mind's eye completely and there was no room left for hate or misery...... just the very bright brightness of love......

And i settled down to the whip and the tawse and the paddles without any more battles... and when the question was asked "who loves you" i could answer "my Sir does - because He beats my ass!!"

It's not easy being green

i have had some time this week to contemplate my navel.......no wait.. that wasn't my navel .. my navel would have been easy to contemplate.. no i have been contemplating my role as 'boss lady'...........

First i am the 'boss lady' at school trying to keep all the plates in the air ...... twirling happily.. but ya know there is always one or two that tumble and break...........and then i am left to patch them up with some glue and tape and get them back up there twirling........




and then i am "mom" the lady who is supposed to have all the answers to life's mysteries.. like bullies and grandkids.. and wedding dresses.. and future in laws.. and present siblings.. and hurt feelings.. and.. and.. and...



and then i have been nurse....... (god that i could look as good at being a nurse as the above picture depicts - instead i look ragged and worn and almost desperate). Sir is on the mend..... drakor hopefully is on the mend........ and between the nursing and the worrying .. i managed to pick up a nasty awful miserable bug..... and got to nurse myself.........



and then alpha sub.... (i really do hate being thought of as Dominant..... but lo and behold i am aren't i?? at work .. with family.. even with Sir sometimes.. having to take charge confidently and go where no man has gone before..ok ok that was an exaggeration.. just feels lonely at the top sometimes) and any sub who has never dommed another.. doesn't have a clue what hard work it is.. ohhhhh we can imagine...... but it isn't until we attempt to do it that we discover the work that is involved!! the challenges.. the pitfalls..but thankfully along with that go hand in hand the joys and pride in owning a slave..

i am thinking as i write this post that seems to be going nowhere and making no point at all.. which is ok.. cause that is where my brain is today... going round and round checking all those plates in the air.. even the slightly mended ones.. making sure everything is up and spinning ...that my needs are taking such a back seat to everyone else's needs that i am feeling just a tad green ......... and it isn't easy being green!!

i can only hope that this weekend...... after Sir finishes up with all His vanilla life .. that He will have some energy to come to me and tighten the leash and put me in the one position that calms me and focuses me........... and reminds me that i am not always the boss lady !! nor am i always green.

done in

Right now i am "done in" as the expression goes...........

And so i offer an entry on the Photojournal (link on the right)

sunday brunch

Quite by accident i found My Bottom Smarts on Saturday morning - right after Friday's LOL. Yesterday i popped in to see what else was going on.. and lo and behold...Bonnie was hosting a Sunday Brunch!! It would appear that this is a weekly event ! i really do admire Bonnie's creativity in finding and posting questions / ideas for blog entries.. i mean come on folks.. everyone gets a case of writer's block from time to time..

This Sunday's topic of discussion was:
Have you a favorite room in your home or a favorite piece of furniture where spankings most often occur? Does the location ever depend upon the purpose of the spanking? Do the implements or rituals change when spankings are performed in different rooms? If you could construct your ideal spanking room, how might it look?

unfortunately as i had already posted a rather long picture intensive post on our house boy.. and because i seem to have picked up some rather weird and wonderful bug i decided to save my contribution to the discussion until today..........

My favourite room and favourite piece of furniture is a no brainer actually.. the play room and the St Andrew's cross of course !! The cross has been my preferred piece of equipment for over 7 years now..... ever since the very first time i went to a public play party and there it sat.. in the middle of the play area.. calling my name. A couple of years later, when Sir and i were together... a club was closing and they had a St Andrew's cross up for sale..... Sir bought it and we brought it home in the back of the station wagon.

But Sir never restricts himself to just one room to spank or play. Often times He will pick "the toy of the day" and bring it upstairs and lay it over the ottoman. Then as the spirit moves Him, he will have me lay over the ottoman and use the selected toy. He has also created THE GAME.. where i lay over the ottoman while we watch a TV show...... each time an ad comes on my ass gets whooped... watch the show.. commercial time - whoop the subby's ass .. rinse and repeat...

As far as rituals changing.. i would say the more serious play is always done in the play room....... those are the times i am most likely to join my fairies... and dance among the stars. Also in the playroom Sir is more likely to use a wider selection of toys.. usually working his way down the wall of toys... making sure that i get a taste of each different sort..... from floggers.. to canes.. to crops.. to paddles.. to tawses and finally the whips.

As for constructing my ideal spanking room....... i think i already have it in the play room downstairs..... i can't think of one thing i would add to the room...
all the toys are hung on one wall in groupings (floggers together.. tawses together .. well you get the idea).. there is a small shelving unit that holds the "other" toys.. the sparklers.. the vibrators.. the candles..the clamps etc...
As well in the playroom there are a number of large pieces of equipment that can be used.. everything from a spanking bench - to a kneeling bench - to a pony and of course the Cross. i am a very lucky subbie !!!

Late again

WHY is it i always seem to be a day late and a dollar short???

Yesterday dear friends was LOL day.. what is LOL day you may ask??




Yup.. love our lurkers day... Over at My Bottom Smarts Bonnie decided - apparently but i missed it - to declare Friday Oct 12th the day to celebrate all our lurkers.. the ones who slip in quietly read and leave.. with not even a "by your leave" comment on the way out the door..........

Everywhere i went this morning i discovered people were celebrating LOL day and i missed it (see me sulk?? see me pout??)

So rather than be left out completely.. i am celebrating in my usual way.. a day late and a dollar short.....


(tomorrow - or later tonite - i will explain what it was Sir and i were doing that kept me away from the pc and caused me to be late for the celebration!! )

Bad bad subbie

Have you ever stopped a session because you just felt in your bones it was being done for you.. that your Dominant's heart just wasn't in it???

i did..........

last night..........



The endorphin junkie started to rear it's ugly selfish head this week...... need for pain.. need for orgasms.. need need need.. and all mine...... not one bit Sir's need.........

So last night Sir told me to get the needles..........
i ignored Him the first two times He asked........
Then He put His foot down and had me bring Him the needles..

He had me kneeling by His side and leaning forward so He could insert needles... The first one got dropped .. or fell out of it's sterile container.. Sir had trouble getting it back in... my heart fell....... it wasn't the right time........ and so i acted up .. answered back.. and i was told to clear up the needles and go back to my chair. My heart hurt.. deeply....... for being a brat.. for needing...... for all the things i did wrong ..........

Sir said 'here' that i was a good nurse.. sang my praises.. i am not a good nurse .. i hate to see anyone sick.. suffering.. hurting.. but i also get impatient.. not with Sir god no!! but with the system that screwed up.. that damaged my Sir and has made His recovery long and hard and messy.........

i hurt........ and it isn't a good hurt...... i was bad and that makes for a whole mess of hurt inside.

Quickie

This is just a quickie... i didn't want anyone thinking i had disappeared into the great void that is the internet..........

With Sir home mending.. drakor home in his vanilla life.. there just hasn't been a whole lot to talk about... unless of course you want to hear about my cats getting into the garbage yesterday while i was at work and eating 4 .. yes FOUR... potatoes... and then my lil female who sleeps beside me every night decided at midnight to start puking up all the potatoe....... off the end of the bed.. when i yelled.. she moved to under the TV and when i jumped out of bed (definitely NOT a good idea when you are old and half asleep ) she ran to the other side of the bed and continued puking there.. so i had a floor to wash when i would much rather have been sleeping........

AND then ..yes i nearly forgot.. remember the squirrels from a year or so ago?? my nemesis who took up residence in the condo?? well they have been taunting me all summer long.. and getting much much worse now that fall is here.. they have been burying food on my patio...... there is nothing to dig in on my patio so i find all this rotten food stuffed in the barbque .... under the wicker table.. under the planters... they wiggle their asses at me and mock me and i swear i hear them laughing at me while they peer at me through the living room windows..

i have tried spraying them with water like i do with the cats.. they just run off laughing .. i have tried tossing buckets of water at them.. but they dodge and duck and run faster than i can toss....

It has been a frustrating fall...........

On the weekend though....... i heard them playing (i thought they were playing.. how was i to know??? ) and i watched them running and 'frolicking' through the bushes in the backyard.. they were rolling around and looking so playful that i ran and got my camera and snapped a couple of pictures of them................... OH MY GOD!!! they were fornicating!!! fornicating i say in MY backyard..

i swear it is a plot .. to drive me utterly and completely crazy... come spring i won't have just 2 squirrels taunting me and the poor cats (who may be out of my bad books by then) BUT baby squirrels too............. do you think i can sell and move?? will they follow me?? am i being paranoid???

i need my Sir healthy and drakor back from vanilla life...... i need some sanity !!!!