Friday, April 27, 2007

knee jerk reactions

(i know i know - i should be squeezing 30 minutes on the treadmill in - instead of writing in my blog.. BUT if i don't write this i think i will explode .. and oh god that would be messy..... so i am writing......)

Some of you may remember Freedom's Place - a blog of many contributors .. mostly vanilla folks where i wrote on occasion about BDSM - and it all didn't go well and i thought the better part of valour was for me to quietly pack my bags and move back here......... Wellllllllll.. the decision has been made to close it down permanently - which on one hand is a pity.. and on the other hand totally understandable... it was (in my opinion) a lesson in sociology.

It intriqued me how personalities that i see daily in the school yard reared their heads in an adult blog....... it re-affirmed for me that our personalities really don't change much from birth to death...... perhaps some of us learn to manage the ugly bits better, some of us learn to cultivate the good bits better.. but still the basis of who we are.. continues from birth till death..... AND it has always seemed to me that there are only so many "types" of personality and they are re-cycled regularily.... the bully.. the victim.. the quiet thinker.. the defender .. the pacifist.. the types just keep getting re-cycled .. and for some weird reason it fascinates me.

In my parting comments on Freedom's Place i wrote just that.. about the personalities that made a group blog difficult.... but my final wish was that we all learned something and took that learning with us when we left..........

Today i checked to see who else from the original group had posted a good-bye comment.... and lo and behold there was a comment directed at me........ at BDSM ....... and of course my knee jerk reaction was to spit back a comment...... it always does amaze me how the ones so quick to defend the rights of those who fight injustices, who stand up for the "other ones" are so quick to put us down. (shaking head) i guess one can defend the underdog ONLY when that underdog does not use whips and chains and floggers - oh my !!

There is so little understanding out in the big wide world of what it is we really do...... we are seen as perverts - and worse (if it is possible) .. and it really bugs me how the submissive ones are seen as weak and a victim and open to any form of "abuse"..... god it makes me angry......

And so i have once again come to the conclusion that we are best left in the shadows.. safe and undisturbed to do what comes naturally........and forget trying to educate the masses about consensual behaviours... about contracts..and negotiations and trust and respect and not conforming to some pattern of behaviours that are seen as "normal" just to fit in......... we ARE different...... and i think we scare people.


  1. Anonymous8:33 am



  2. I guess i'm in the minority.
    I'm vanilla, yet I understand so much of what it takes for your lifestyle.(Maybe it's because i've always been fascinated by it? Just not enough guts to actually do it?)
    Personally? I think there are soooo many positives that most vanilla folk don't see.
    The care, the respect, the communication, the TRUST.
    Things that SHOULD be in a vanilla relationship, but sadly, are usually lacking.
    I hurt for you that you feel like you need to hide who you are .... NO ONE should have to do that, under ANY circumstances.
    But, that's not reality is it?

    What, exactly constitutes "normal" anyway?

  3. "and forget trying to educate the masses"

    Yet everyday of your working life you try to impart knowlege. Some times the knowledge falls on fertile ground and other times it falls on soil that wouldn't grow a weed.

    Do you stop teaching because some can't, or won't, learn?

  4. We have "friends" in the life who live in a much more open and tolerant community than we do, and they are in a position to be significantly more "out" about their lifestyle choices than we are. They spend a good deal of time educating people about the lifestyle, and I get a fair amount of judgement from her (especially) about not doing more to spread unedrstanding among the more vanilla folks as to what it is that we do... Sigh.

    I understand the thinking. In an ideal world, telling people about who we are and how we operate would serve to increase the levels of tolerance and that would make life better for us all. But, frankly, the risks for most of us are huge AND some of us are going to get killed in that little battle.

    Maybe I ought to be willing to get killed so that those who come after me can live free and openly in the light of day, but I'm just not that damn altruistic. I like waking up in the morning and living even if it isn't "out" in the open. So. Gonna keep on remembering what my Dear Departed Father always told me: "never try to teach a pig to sing -- it wastes your time and it annoys the pig." Some people aren't interested in being taught anything...


  5. Anonymous12:56 pm

    I think you are right....we do scare people. Normal is nothing but a setting on the washing machine. We do not live in a walgreens world, and I am not sure i would want to. But to hide in the shadows to be me disturbs me greatly. But as you say that seems to be the only choice.

  6. Some people just don't get it eh?

    Wonder where our story would have gone.......?

    Guess we'll never know!

    You take care ya bloody fietsty sheila you!

    I pop by here every now and then just ta check you are still alive n kicking.


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