Sunday, July 19, 2009

Wants needs desires

i have been on summer holidays for 19 days............. and though my sleep patterns are screwed up.. and i can't get my body to sleep past 5:00 am (my usual wake up time in the winter) ... i can nap in the afternoons (and do) ... i am loving being home safe in my lil condo........

i wonder while i sit outside in my secret garden - under the red umbrella - if this is a throw back to my days of agoraphobia many years ago.. cured they said.. but maybe sleeping just underneath ?? i go out shopping / running messages once a week... i have little desire to be caught up in the shops and traffic.. and people. i DO go for an early morning walk (march) around the complex .. usually around 7:30... greet the dog walkers, the early morning commuters, the workmen. Then hurry back to the peace and quiet here.. under the red umbrella.

It is also interesting (to me at least) that past summers i had great expectations of seeing much more of Sir... of more whippings and more service and more of everything......... but it never happens... Sir is always busy with one thing or another and our schedule doesn't change. This summer i don't even think about it.. i look at the calendar of His busy-ness and sigh and find yet another good book and curl up under the red umbrella.

This weekend i didn't even go to Sir's ........ well not yet. We have a planned cross-border shopping trip.. try out our new passports and me - i get to use the Barnes and Noble gift card Sir gave me for Christmas. So .. as we are heading south on Tuesday.. and because the catkids can't be alone for more than 3 or 4 days without trashing the house.. i am going to Sir this afternoon...... till Wednesday or so...

BUT last evening.. sitting chatting with Sir on messenger... He said something along the lines of needing to whoop my ass... and i smiled... HE needed to whoop my ass... shrug.. me not so much.. i seem to be getting out of the need .. is it part of my summer lethargy ?? probably not... just my body adjusting to different needs and desires now... BUT hearing Himself say HE was in the mood... made me twinge and wiggle a bit.. it is music to my ears to hear Himself is needing and desiring...

Perhaps over these past months i have been so noisy about my needs and wants and desires i left no opening to hear His.......... perhaps?? It is nice to hear Himself has wants and needs and desires.


2 comments:

selkie said...

I love the way you put that "perhaps over these past months i have been so noisy about my needs and wants and desires i left no opening to hear His...." how TRUE is that! I have been guilty of the same myself.

It sounds to me like a blissful summer ... sighs.

SPANKEDHORTIC said...

Jealous as hell :) little green monsters everywhere. Continue to enjoy your holiday and time with Sir.

Prefectdt