Today is my last therapy session...... the 'do it yourself' 'heal yourself' therapy. I can't believe that I have been doing it for 4 months!
It seems appropriate that it is finishing up at the end of the year ya know?! Some people are thinking about their New Year's Resolutions..... and I am thinking about my new plan for a better life....... not for one year but from here on out.......
I will say - for me - this style of therapy was a good experience. I have tried a few strategies - like discovering what I want and need and working to have it - and discovered the world didn't come to an end... a lightning bolt didn't come out of the heavens and strike me dead -- and that I actually felt good !!!
I have learned (and am working on) letting other people deal with their issues and realizing all I have to do is support them....... I do NOT have to heal them. I do not have to make up for all the hurt they have experienced over a life time of hurt.
AND that it is not my fault if they are unhappy or miserable.
The one thing I haven't quite figured out yet - is letting go of my own past. You see all these memes/articles about letting go of past relationships... and I do struggle with that. I have gotten past wanting to get revenge....... I have gotten past wondering where to bury the bodies (cheeky grin) BUT to actually let go of....... not so much. The hurts ... the mistakes... the loss ....... they are woven into my being. How do I separate out each individual thread and cut them out of my being?
It is one last thing to discuss with my therapist today....... though deep down inside I think I know the answer.... for me. I will allow myself to feel the pain they caused... I will not feel guilty of my pain -- or that I let it happen to me. I will embrace my innocence ... my naivety ... for that is who and what I am. I trust with an open heart.. I love with a big heart... I believe there is good in the world........ BUT I will grow from the pain and be stronger because of it.
Life is good when you have a plan for life.....