Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Dirty Word

Yup "budget" seems to be a dirty word around here........ 

BUT let me explain - I have always been very good at budgeting my money ... in fact when I saw my financial advisor during the summer he said he wasn't sure why I had booked an appointment - I had done everything he would have told me to do to figure out if I could afford to "live" on my pension - on my own.

AND I have been working part time - doing junior web design.  Now there's my problem... I knew it was temporary - that the contract would come to an end around the end of October... but that was back in June...... and during the summer months - especially in August when I moved........ It was lovely to have extra cash flowing in every month. 

And that's where my budget fell apart.  

I had extra money every month to spend.  Oh I did put a portion of it away into a savings account - just in case money.  BUT I could still toodle around -- going to munches in far flung parts - using gas -- spending money on food that was not in my budget.... and I knew I was gonna have to tighten my belt eventually -- but having extra cash every month -- and a need to be out and about and seeing people -- I just ignored the calendar and the end of my contract drawing closer and closer.

Well yesterday I got my last project.  AND the reality of the end of my contract came home and slapped me upside the head.

This morning I did my budget once twice three times - trying to find extra cash somewhere - anywhere.  Now other than selling my body - I am faced with the reality there just isn't any extra cash any more.  

I think I am a little angry at myself - I had plans for that extra cash - mainly buying a new computer and I didn't do it.  I whittled the money away on god only knows what.  That's where I don't do well with budgeting -- sadly.  and I am angry with myself.  

So reality sets in ......... I have enough money to live on -  I do NOT have extra money to play with anymore.  There will be no more road trips to far flung munches.. there will be no more splurging on trinkets I want.. there will be no more grandiose ideas of fancy parties........ I can make my budget work.....

I think I am a little jealous / angry?? of those who haven't worked hard their whole lives -- haven't scrimped and saved for their senior /retirement years and still seem to have money galore to come and go as they please... to buy trinkets AND new cars - and anything they seem to desire.......... 

What the hell did I do wrong???? !!!

Ahhh well - I will work my budget again - cut more corners - and live in my lil apartment - and make it work -- cause that is what I do -- make stuff work.

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