Saturday, December 15, 2012


I just finished posting a rather long comment on a post on Fetlife.  The original post was "ranting" about the cliques and dramas and politics that is happening in Kingston.  

My original reaction to the post was "so what else is new?!"  Personally I think that this happens in any and all "communities".  

BUT then I thought of the old adage - if you are not part of the solution you are part of the problem (or something like that - I tend to use literary license alot - if you haven't noticed) 

So this morning - I set about writing down a list of things / problems that I have seen in Kingston...... I didn't offer any solutions - because dammit - I am a newbie - and am not sure I have earned enough "stripes" to be telling the old timers what they are doing wrong and how to fix it............

I think the first thing that needs to be done in ANY community - is to identify goals the community as a whole want - NOT goals the self proclaimed leader thinks should be goals.  I also think that the communities need to be a whole lot warmer and more welcoming.  I used my first munch as an example - how ostracized I felt - and how when finally someone (at the second or third munch I went to ) actually sat down and talked to me - it changed my opinion of the group as a whole.  (Now it doesn't help that that one person who went out of their way to talk to me - became shunned by the group and went off and started their own munch/group) 

And that seems to be Kingston's (and other cities as well ) answer to disagreements.  "I am going to take my bat and ball and go play elsewhere".  So you land up with splinter groups that have axes to grind against a multitude of other groups. 


Nor is it healthy.

As long as the BDSM communities are splintered highly political groups there will never be enough "community" to actually accomplish anything of substance.  and more's the pity.

I finished off my "ranting comment" on Fetlife by saying.......... be careful - cause someone might just come along and start another group ......... BDSM for folks who just want to have fun.............. 

I am so tired of the politics - of the mentality of I am better than you ....... I know more than you ........ I am King of the Hill ......... doesn't anyone want to just have fun anymore???!!!  



  1. I can certainly understand feeling let out at a munch. Sometimes it takes a while to find the right fit and community and maybe it is worth starting another group? :o)
    Hope you find a niche of people who leave off with the mentality of cliques and politics... it can be a wonderful find when that happens :D

  2. I have started my own blog

    Princess x


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