Thursday, January 07, 2010


Complacent - means - uncritically satisfied with oneself.

That surprised me... i honestly thought complacent meant something more along the lines with laid back.. taking it easy - and i guess in a way it is the same thing......

Anyway.. i was thinking over the last few days how complacent i have become in my D/s , M/s relationship with Sir. It all seems so easy....... fetch His drinks, make sure He takes His pills on time, make sure the meals are made on time, wait for permission to enter a room, present my ass when Sir wishes to spank it or needle it or cut it.

Everything is just flowing along nicely.

Yet it has been nagging at me... and i didn't know why. It feels as though the other shoe is about to drop....... ya know what i mean?? like things are too good right now.. too easy. i know i know.. don't look for trouble !!

BUT being complacent isn't always a good place to be either. Shouldn't one always be striving for better.. for challenges.. for adventure???

Isn't it something - maybe just perhaps we should be apologizing for.. not patting ourselves on the back over???

Anyway all these thoughts have been running through my head lately...........maybe cause there was a bit of a rough patch over on the Heron Clan over the holidays... maybe it made me sit up and pay attention......... and realize how easy life is around here these days.

i don't get all worked up when it seems to be more vanilla than BDSM... i don't get all worked up when it is more BDSM than vanilla... i don't get worked up over how good the sessions are.. or how horny i am (which i'm not - which makes me wonder if this complacency is detracting from my animal instincts so to speak)

Life is just muddling along..............

Until this morning

When i read what swan wrote on ”starting over” i suddenly realized that's IT......... that's what's wrong. Sir and i aren't muddling along so to speak......... it is more that we have "settled".

And i don't think i like settled. i know over the last couple of years i have said and done things that have given Sir a "message" ........... not the message i actually intended........ but nevertheless a message. And Sir has done things that have given me a "message" ......... i would like to think is not the message He intended either....... but still a message.

i am thinking now complacent is more like settling.......... and i am not sure i like that .. not one little bit.

Now i don't have any answers.......... but then i had to pin down the question first right?? and i think i have............. now i just have to work on the answers so that Sir and i aren't "settled" .. aren't complacent.......... but continue to have a vibrant growing challenging (in a good way ) relationship.

And if all of this doesn't sound very "slave like" or "subbie like" to you........... oh BITE ME!!!!!


  1. Consider that "comfortable" may well be a better and more accurate descriptor than "complacent."

  2. Maybe you are looking at this like Colin Powell -- “If it ain't broke, don't fix it' is the slogan of the complacent, the arrogant or the scared. It's an excuse for inaction, a call to non-arms.”

    I'm not sure that comfortable is a bad thing at all, or that it equates with complacency. Sometimes comfortable is just comfortable.

    However that conversation goes, I hope the two of you find a place that feels both comfortable and fulfilling.

    hugs, swan

  3. We all have moments of disconnect, regardless of the type of relationship you're in.
    I'm not sure if complacent is the correct word for what you're feeling ... uncritically satisfied doesn't describe you AT ALL!
    You're always looking at your relationship and trying to find ways to improve upon it.
    If you were complacent, you wouldn't write about it.
    Sadly, we all age, and real life does intrude a great deal on our relationships.
    We have to make changes, sacrifice and alter our wants/needs sometimes several times before we find a balance that works.
    It's finding the balance and being in sync that can be difficult.
    You will find your way with Sir .... I believe that.


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